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I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...

Tagged as: Sex, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 February 2006) 16 Answers - (Newest, 23 September 2009)
A female , *aloletka writes:

Hello. I am getting married in August 2006. My question is: how to avoid first wedding night discomfort (bleeding, pain, etc...)??? At age 20, I am still a virgin (I believe in sex after the wedding) and I am so afraid of my first sex experience... Thank you so much for your answers!!!

View related questions: still a virgin, wedding, wedding night

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009):

...These are very helpful. I am 17 years old right now, and I shouldn't be thinking about this, but im scared if I do ever get married. I swore up and down that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life with no children, but I think about this stuff. If I did get married, I think I would have a no-sex relationship (impossible), but the whole bleeding stuff and inexperience makes the thought a whole lot worse.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009):

we drank wine and rum before my taking each others clothes off. in my religion even though we are now in the west, if i don't bleed my husband is allowed to take my life, even if i am a virgin. he makes the decision.i was a virgin and he had trouble inserting his cock into me.he rammed it in very hard and deep i was being raped by my religion. when he withdrew was when he made his decision. i had only meet him at the wedding that day.i bled for 4 days. i have since remarried!you have nothing to worry about!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008):

Hi Daletom,

I am also a virgin who is about to get married with my virgin partner. I really enjoyed reading your answert to this question and I feel it would be really helpful to me in the near future. Thanks a lot!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008):

Take your time. I too was a virgin on my wedding night (a long time ago.) I'm old now, and the love of my life is gone. But he was kind and gentle. We had foreplay for hours before he entered me. I bleed a little on the sheets but I think he saw it as a validation of my virginity, I had felt his erections many times while dating and I was scared because I knew he was well endowed. I could never image something as large as his penis inside of me. When I opened my robe and revealed myself nude to him that night I was only 18. When the cabin steward (we honeymooned on a cruise) came in to change the sheets I was terribly embarrassed when he saw the stain. He just smiled, but not more than my husband. We were married for 38 years and made love often. On our 20th anniversary we took a cruise and this time I wasn't embarrassed at what the room steward was able to see.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2008):

I advise to avoid it on the wedding night 'cause you'll be so stressed and he maybe exhausted. You can have it after 3 or 4 nights, it all depends on your partner, he has to make you feel comfortable and ready for sex after 3 hours of foreplay (kisses, huggs, licking, sweet words........) till you start inviting him for sex. Don't worry, you will feel all right.

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A male reader, daletom United States +, writes (21 December 2007):

Here's a real-life experience of two virgins on their wedding night.

I'd suggest bringing a virgin - both male and female - to orgasm before trying intercourse: for guys, it will slow down his response a bit, and make it better for her. For girls, it will make her as open and lubricated as she'll ever be. If you're BOTH virgins - this is even MORE important to improving the quality of the sex. If you're intending to be life partners a (physiologically) poor first experience may not matter in the long run, but if you haven't made that commitment you should probably put a little effort into making the first time "good".

"It doesn't matter as much to guys."? BULL!! It matters just as much, though possibly in a different way.

OK - My First Time!

Well, let's see - we were both 23(!) and both still virgins. It was our wedding night, 1974. It was lousy sex. It was almost consensual rape. It was also extremely significant for both of us. We are still married - yes, to each other. (Although I occasionally remind her of the list I'm keeping of all the things my NEXT wife will, or will not, do.)

We had planned ahead - our wedding was 1:00 in the afternoon especially so that we could have a reception, and start making love at a decent hour. We had known each other for about a year, and been engaged for 10 months. In the last few months of the engagement we had done just about "everything but . . .". I helped her to her first orgasm (her thighs around my ears) and she had done me orally, manually, and dry humping so we weren't exactly ignorant of each others' responses.

We had talked about postponing it, but I think we both knew we were going to do it. We got to our room about 7:00 pm and started deep kissing before the door latched. She gave me a choice: she'd get into one of her "honeymoon nighties", or I could undress her, or she could undress herself (while I waited in the bathroom - I never quite understood that part!) and wait for me under the covers. I selected the nightie. She went to the bathroom to get ready, and I got into pajamas and waited on the bed.

She came out wearing a yellow gauze creation that was only faintly see-through. We talked and stalled a bit. We read each other some love poetry (not original) and Bible verses. This wasn't agreed upon beforehand - we each intended to surprise the other with this romantic touch. We embraced and started necking. Probably 30 - 45 minutes later the clothes were off and I was eating her. After a LONG time of this (we agree that it was 15 minures or more) I was frustrated that I couldn't bring her to climax, as I'd intended immediately before entry.

(During our lovemaking while engaged I had noticed how open and wet she was immediately after orgasm, and knew that was the best time to enter her. I also knew that it took only 5 - 10 minutes to bring her to climax.)

She said, "I'm ready." Big (sexual) mistake! I should have known she wasn't ready. She probably knew she wasn't. We put a pillow under her bottom and put KY Jelly onto our genitals. From some book we had read together we thought these steps would make it better. She raised her knees and spread her thighs. I'd never been so excited - pounding heart, dry mouth, etc. I climbed on top. She hugged me and I tried to make entrance.

It hurt! I couldn't find the opening! I mashed my cock head against something. OUCH! I thrust and bent my erection. Extreme OUCH!! I was embarassed, frustrated and impatient. Eventually, I found what felt like the right place. I knew I wasn't really in - my cock head was painfully pinched. When I tried to push in, she'd pull back. When I pulled back, she moved with me so I never could get a run at her.

After 5 - 10 minutes of this we were both tense, frustrated, embarassed and sore. This was NOT what either of us expected. I paused to catch my breath. We looked into each others' faces, without a clue of what to say or do. I should have rolled off and started a long session of cuddling and fondling. But I felt her relax just a little, and without thinking about it or meaning to I rotated my hips in a full circle. I didn't actually feel her tear, but I felt myself slip in.

She felt it too. She didn't scream, but she definitely vocalized her physical discomfort. She jerked and pulled her knees up, toward her chest, trying to squirm away. Bad tactic - it made everything line up just right, and I went all the way in. Again, not that I planned it, it was just the way we were positioned, how she moved, where my weight was, etc.

I HAD NEVER FELT ANYTHING SO GOOD!

She began to cry.

GOD IT FELT GREAT!

I thought, "I'm raping my virgin lover on our wedding night.".

THIS FEELS SO WONDERFUL THAT SHE MUST CERTAINLY FEEL IT TOO!

Instinctively, I started stroking. She was sobbing. Mercifully, I only lasted about 30 seconds, probably half a dozen strokes.

The contractions were still running through me when I felt ashamed and sorry for what I'd done. I uncoupled quickly, and saw what a bloody mess we'd made. Previously, while she was getting dressed to be undressed, I had run warm water in the sink and had a washcloth and towel ready. It was probably the only thing I did right, although I expected to be cleaning up love juices rather than blood. Nevertheless I spent a long time bathing her genitals in warm water and assuring her that I loved her (which was true) and she was a great sex partner (as if I really knew!) and it was everything I'd hoped it would be (I should have been struck by lightning for telling that whopper!). We cuddled for a long time - she didn't say many words, but her body recited an eloquent love poem.

About 11:00 we went down to the coffee shop and had ice cream. While sitting there, she noticed a slightly pink stain in the crotch of her white shorts. Thinking her period had come a week early (she's always been very irregular) we hurried back to the room. Well, that's not what it was. In all of our sex education, nobody had pointed out that "what goes in, must come out", and her maidenhead was bidding an oh-so-faint farewell. She came out of the bathroom with no pants on, and said "Let's do it again.".

The second time was much better. We were more relaxed, unpressured, and we put her on top. The next day, on our fourth session, she finally had her first married orgasm. It was from cunnilingus, not intercourse, but we were both pleased with that. (It was almost a week before she started coming from ****ing.) All told we did it 5 times in the first 24 hours of our marriage - and haven't kept count since.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007):

Hey! I am also worried about my wedding night. I am 23 and getting married in May 2008. I´ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 years and we are both virgins... I am really exited because it means a lot to both of us, we´ve waited for so long

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007):

So, how did it go! I'm 26 and getting married in January 2008. I too am a virgin (and an old one at that). I'm nervous about my wedding night. What was the experience like? More importantly, did you and your husband eventually find a good sex rhythm? Does it feel good now?

I'd appreciate your help on this one!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2006):

Like you I was a virgin on my wedding night and I was nervous too (so was he) but believe me if you've waited for marriage you are doing the right thing.

Go slow, maybe discuss before hand what you both want to happen, for a lot of couples the wedding night is spent sound aslepp as you'll be really tired by the end of the day.

Take the pressure off yourself there is nothing to be afraid of, relax

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A male reader, loveable rogue +, writes (23 February 2006):

heya

i figured you might like a blokes opinion, first times are usualy awkward anyway. Just do what the rest of the agoney aunts say, try to relax and ease in slowly (its hard to relax i know but try) anyway if your worried it shows you care and thats getting rareer, good luck

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A female reader, missbunbury United Kingdom +, writes (22 February 2006):

missbunbury agony auntJust to let you know, my first time was entirely without any blood, and there was no 'pain' as such, just a mild feeling of stretching. I think I must have already broken my hymen through using tampons or something. This may well be the case for you too, so try not to get yourself panicked over this. Also, bear in mind that if it's the first time for both of you, you're very unlikely to 'feel the earth move' to begin with - it takes time to learn the tricks that make sex so physically satisfying, so to start with I'd suggest you concentrate on emotional satisfaction. Make sure you're both relaxed and calm, and do lots of kissing and hugging to help you feel close to each other. Then just see what happens - if it's not great, you can always try again later!

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A female reader, Maloletka +, writes (21 February 2006):

Maloletka is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Maloletka agony auntThank you all!!! Your answers are really helpful...

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A female reader, _Donnah_ United Kingdom +, writes (21 February 2006):

_Donnah_ agony auntWow, what a lady eh? Keeping your virginity till your wedding night! I salute you!

I doubt there will be any bleeding, it will just be a little uncomfortable at first but after a minute or two it will start to feel good i assure you ;)

I agree with "Baby Girl" You will need plenty of foreplay and maybe use some extra lubricant.

I hope this helps you, Good luck!

xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2006):

you have done the right thing cause jesus said not to have sex till married. well on your wedding night, if you love her enough just let sex go and do it .and ask her how she feels of having it.

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A female reader, Maloletka +, writes (15 February 2006):

Maloletka is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Maloletka agony auntThank you so much for yours answers!!! They will be really helpful in upcoming future... I appreciate that you took your time to write me...

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A female reader, charlie432 +, writes (14 February 2006):

It is a bit painful, and there may be some bleeding, it's not painful as such, it's more "uncomfortable" than anything. just relax and enjoy it! good girl for keeping it until you get married I'm impressed! it's not so heard of these days is it? hehe. don't be scared, relax, have fun, and enjoy the start of your sex life! Charlie c

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