A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:HiI'm not sure if anyone can help me. I need advise or words from Americans please, sorry not being prejudiced but you will see why when you read my question. My ex went off to USA last year. Hasn't paid any maintenance money for our son - ever! I left him nearly 6 years, couldn't stand the mental abuse any longer. Well, our son is now 15 and misses his dad a lot. I am a single mum trying my best to bring up our son.The CSA in this country (UK) is rubbish. He had no fixed abode, stayed with friends and basically made himself homeless so he could dodge paying me a penny. It gets worse. Our son loves him, it is his dad. He has just text our son yesterday to say that he is staying in the USA because he has just got married and told my son that now has a new step-mother,who will be better than his real mum. I am gob-smacked. He always was a pig, but this has dragged him back into the gutter where he belongs. Is he able to go to the USA and get married - just like that?Am i ever going to be able to track him down and get any payments out of him towards bringing up our son?What do i say to our distressed son?I'm not sure if I am strong enough to keep going. Please give me some advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): Anon, if you were married when you had your son, and he had legal obligations in the UK, yes, you can still get support from him, even if he is in the US. If not, I am afraid it would be a tough row. I think he is definitely being rotten. I know it is difficult to tell your son that his father was, is, a rotter. Well, I would not use those words to him, exactly. But you can tell your son that his father had the opportunity to be a real dad when he was there with him, but left. I don't really understand what he is saying, here. Does he want the boy to come to the US and live with him and his new wife? That is presuming a lot on his part. He has no right to even put forth such a statement, as I see it. Talk to your son very seriously and let him know how much you care and have shown you do. He can surely understand at his age that the facts are more than what his "father" has represented them. He knows nothing of what kind of life he would have in the US, or what his "step mum" is really like, or if she would even want him around. I feel for your situation. America is a great country. But so is GB. I am familiar with both. And the imaginings of a fifteen year old are not necessarily the reality. He is still in school, I would think, and with friends. It would be a big adjustment for him now. Could be very confusing at his age. Best wishes. I hope you convince son to stay with you. I really perceive that is what is best for him now. Luvs, Tom
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): If I were you I'd hold my head up high, walk away from him and bring your son up the best you can without having to rely on this low life of a waster for a single penny!! Yeah I know thats gonna be tough on you but at least you can show him that you don't need or rely on him for anything!
If he had any interest in his son he would't have f**ked off to the states like that and then to go sending your son such malicious texts like that!!
By tracking him down you can open up an unknown can of worms which could do more harm than good to both you and your son!!!
I do hope all works out either way for you....
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female
reader, NuttyGooner +, writes (6 March 2007):
 I can sympathise with you - the CSA are worse than useless!My mother and father never married, but after 8 years of physical and emotional abuse (not to mention the abuse he dished out to his 2 young children) she walked out taking us with her. She raised my brother and myself on her own, when she went to the CSA for assistance, my father kept claiming poverty, and disappearing with his new wife and son, though whenever he was finally tracked down (my mother did that, not the CSA), he became "unemployed" - bloody convenient eh? He had no interest in our upbringing, he didn't turn up for the custody hearings, you can't imagine how hard it was to be rejected by your own father.Raising a child on your own is tough, my mother really struggled, but we were happy on our own as a little family unit. Your ex is a total tosser for telling your son that his new wife will be a better alternative for you! What a creep! My mother was strong for us, you need to be strong for your son too, because no matter what happens, just like me, I will always be proud of my mum, and the good job she did with raising me and my brother - no one can ever take that away from her or me.I hope he can be tracked down. He is due for a come uppance.Good luck, and show this pig exactly what you're made of!Nutty xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): Hi, i asked the question. No we weren't married by together for over 11 years.
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female
reader, elissa0490  +, writes (5 March 2007):
 ok first off you have to keep going b/c of your son no matter what, he needs you. If you two are still married then no he cannot come to the US &just get married. However, if you two are no longer married then yes he can come to the US&get married. You could probably get payments out of him if you take it up with the CSA. Even if you are in the UK the men have support the child.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (5 March 2007):
 Can you clarify whether he is your ex-husband or ex-partner?
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