A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:During the outcome of this year, my life has brought me many different things, new experiences and alot of surprises. Alot of people are labeling me as a "slut", I am wondering, do you think the same?or is something else in my life effecting me that has made me this way?Most recently of what has happened in my life:EX BOYFRIEND - October 12/07 - May 15/08We dated for quite some time as you can see.I lost my virginity to him in feb, and we had sex about three times every second day. I was in an abusive relationship with him, I didn't know it then, but I know it now. I look back on it, and tell myself he didn't deserve me, but now that I look back, I didn't deserve him either. I cheated on him five times, and he only knew about twice, then when we broke up, he cheated on his NEW girlfriend with me. He would turn off his cellphone while we were having sex, and she would send him continuous texts and he'd stay, he never got them! I really thought I loved him, and sometimes still think I do.EX BOYFRIEND 2 - A month after my previous boyfriend and I broke up, I started dating EX boyfriend #2. We lasted about two days, because I was still inlove with my ex and he was still inlove with his. In the outcome of two days, we did alot. Talk about intercourse on the first date!? Not just kissing. I liked this guy for about a year, he use to be friends with my brother and would always come over, I crushed on him for a long time, and was very happy when we started dating, but knew it wouldn't last long.NEW GUY #1 - New guy and I, we've been best friends for a while. I mean, best friends for real. We tell eachother everything, and do everything together. Recently, we kissed and did alot of other things together, and now I guess we have what you could call a "thing" I think there is a future for us and hope, since we has history and a backround. But I don't know if my feelings for him are real or not. Do you think it could be wrong for me to get involed with him, cause I may hurt him? NEW GUY #2 (I HOPE) - I recently met this guy. He is very sweet, and good looking. A bad backround but an amazing personality to make up for it! I don't know him too well, to be honest I only met him once, but I cannot get him off my mind, I mean I think about him constantley. I knew him for about a couple hours and we kissed, it felt so good .. just the way he made me feel. Today he called me and asked me to come see him, but I wasn't allowed. I hope to see him really soon and I hope he likes me too. What do you think?Who do I choose?I hope I haven't given you a bad impression of me. After I lost my virginty to a guy I thought I loved, but hurt me very badly, I ended up throwing myself all over guys who didn't respect me. Is this just a phase, or will I be like this forever?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, sjwcool +, writes (27 July 2008):
 slut is just another term people use to get them to do things (peer pressure don't ya love it) I have had 22 partners and never been called a slut yet a young girl like you has 1 and is interested in several guys and people are calling you a slut that is very sad.
The Most Important thing I have learned in life is
"NEVER GIVE A CRAP WHAT ANYONE ELSE SAYS"
I consider the source if a friend is giving me advice cool I'll listen if someone even if they know me starts trying to label me generally they have something going on with them that would make them act like that jealousy anger or just plain stupidity. just consider the source
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): You'll forget these guys and they will never mean anything to you eventually.But this stuff will rip your future loving husband's heart out every day of his life, that's all.
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A
female
reader, oxxvickixxo  +, writes (4 July 2008):
Hey Hey Chick..
I was exactly like that at your age. I thought I was in love with this guy and he broke my heart so basically I slept about met a new bf about a year later and fell pregnant but I had to have an abortion & people went around calling me a slut but I didnt care because i thought i was happy and got alot of attention from the boys
Just watch yourself hunni, I dont want you to get hurt, and I know I cant really say much myself but everyone is just trying to look out for you ( OMG I SOUND LIKE MY MOTHER!!)
Anyway after my abortion I went back to my old ways until I met my boyfriend of a year and I've never even thought about anyone else..
I guess your like me and let your heart rule your head, the new people you meet are exciting and if their hot you want them. For me anyway, once I had sex with them I got backon with my life fantasizing and daydreaming about the perfect man that i was going to meet that would love me back.
Basically, I think it's the let down of not being with your first partner(the one who you will do anything for even if he treats you badly) because you want to hold on to the past, after all he was your first and you would like to think you meant something to him.
The truth is hun your going to have to find a life without him, your still young. It wont be easy at first but as soon as you realise he's not worth it the sooner you can start a relationship with someone special and when you do you'll realise he wasn't worth it in the first place.
The guys that I went out with after that generally didnt know about my past and never thought anything of it. I'd watch though hun because a lot of males cannot take it if a girl has slept with more people than they have.
Anyway I'm not going to lecture you but just be careful babe.
xx
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A
female
reader, Khandi +, writes (3 July 2008):
 I dont like the word slut, i dont like words like that, how ever your behaivior has been one to be misunderstood. i think you are looking to be loved in a way that you are not going to get it! having sex does not make anyone love you any more than money can buy it. you cant have sex with everyone you come in contact with ( no disrespect). you need to find someone who is worthy of the goodies once you find out how much a jerk a person is you think man i sholdt have given them anything they didint deserve it, and remember there is oing to come a day when you are oing to want to settle down and it is hard for some guys to take a girl seriously who has slept with alot of guys. you have to think of your body as something that is priceless and something that is like trust it has to earned not something that shold be iven away. you should have some thing to save for when you want to be in a realtionship, adn at 14 prenancy is no joke.
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A
male
reader, no_issues +, writes (2 July 2008):
 From porn we learn that some people like having sex with one person and one person only, and other people like having sex with lots of different people, often one at a time but sometimes all at once.
All you need to decide is what kind of porn star you are.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (2 July 2008):
 You are a very confused young lady who seems to mistake sex for love. If you sleep with lots of guys, kiss as soon as you meet someone, cheat on your boyfriends and move on to the next guy as soon as you have dumped the other one then yes you will get labelled in a bad way.
Stop seeing all the guys and live your life for yourself. You do not need a boyfriend to be happy, and seem to be choosing all the wrong guys anyway. If word has got round that you are up for it then all the low lifes will creep out of the wood work for a shot a nailing you.
I think you also need to talk to someone to stop this destructive path you seem to be on. A doctor or a family member or friend you can trust or a teenage helpline. Make the decision now to stop yourself behaving this way to ensure a better future for yourself as you are going to end up pregnant or with a nasty disease, and have a very low opinion of yourself. I wish you luck x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): I dont think you are a slut. There is nothing wrong with having sex as long as you both consent to it. If you have sex with 3 men in one day I still dont think you are a slut. i think it is hot. I see you are 14 how old are the guys. are they your age or are they men?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): You're not a slut but you're close on being one. You're a kid, you're 14 years old. Yes, you had a mistake on losing your virginity that early, but geez, stop having relationship and more relationships and more relationships. Focus on other stuff, like, I don't know, school work? family? friends? If you keep on going with so many relationships you'll just keep on having drama in your life. Lay off a while. Take your time to know people. Don't jump in a relationship or into sex (specially this) so easily. Give everything time. Don't rush thingsAnd most importantly, enjoy your childhood. It won't come back again.BTW, you remind me of an ex friend I had. She committed almost the same mistakes you have. She never listened to me and she STILL gets so much drama in her life (and even more because most people hate her). Please listen to the above and actually act upon it.
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A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 'Slut' is such a godawful word.
At your age, you are very likely to find yourself attracted to a lot of different guys. It's probably to do with puberty and hormones and all of those fun things. The difference is whether you act on these feelings or not - just because you are attracted to a guy doesn't mean you should necessarily get involved with him.
I think what you need to do is exercize a litte more self control. Implement some kind of rule system if you have to. For example, no kissing on the first date, or no sex for the first six months. By doing this you will be able to better judge these lads as people without having your perception clouded by sex.
My advice to you is to lay off the boys for a while. Don't get romantically or physically involved with anyone for at LEAST a good six months or so. Enjoy the single life. You're only 14, you have ages and ages to find yourself a decent guy, so don't just go giving yourself to every guy you find attractive.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI forgot to mention in this note that I am only fourteen years old.
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