A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel terrible because I'm so afraid that I've ruined a friendship with someone, and it's all my fault. I met someone online who was very helpful and gave me advice about my problems, but I made a terrible mistake of talking about the same thing, over and over, when I should have moved on. He doesn't want to talk to me know, and I know that I was wrong but it's torturing me, wondering if I've ruined what might have been a wonderful friendship. I don't know how to fix it, or if it can be fixed. I discussed a problem I was having involving unrequited feelings for a friend, and it had become and obsession and I was wrong for talking about it all the time. It still hurts but I've moved on with my life. however,this guy in question says that he doesn't want to talk to me and that I need mental help. I'm torturing myself, knowing that my stupidity ruined someone's impression of me and my chances of being his friend. I don't even know him in person but I'm feeling terrible. How do you know if you've ruined a friendship with someone for good? Can this be fixed? This is killing me. If you can help me, thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 I have also behaved like this with one of my friends because I was SO upset over the failure of my marriage that I couldn't talk about anything else for a period of over 18 months. He also stopped wanting to talk to me because he gave me loads and loads of advice and I never took it. He said that I didn't listen and he was wasting his breath. When people are really upset they can only focus on one thing and they become completely besotted by it to the exclusion of everything else.
My advice would be send him an e-mail telling him how sorry you are that you went on and on but that you were very upet at the time. Tell him how much he helped you get through this and how important he is to you. Explain that you have now come to terms with things and have moved on and that you valued his friendship and that you miss him. Sometimes it also helps if you refer to points that they made about you so you could admit it and say 'yes I was going mental' but I am really fine now thanks to all your help and advice. Quite often when a bit of time passes they will realise that you were just very upset and that this was really quite normal under the circumstances so I think he will view it diferently after a while. My friend wouldn't speak to me from April to Christmas when I sent him a card and a letter outlining how sorry I was and he rang the next day. Our friendship is still not what it was but I refrain from going on and on about woe is me all the time and do ask about him and his family and it is a bit better. I think this is most deinitely salvageable - after all he did care enough to listen to you for a long while.
Really good luck to you - I feel sure he will be a friend again soon.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): I suggest you send him a funny/ humoristic E card saying "I am sorry" ; see if he reacts to that; a little humor with an apologie might just help.
Good luck!
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