A
male
age
51-59,
*ichard.S
writes:I have visited an escort agency for first time sex and failed miserably to achieve an erection. I am 44 and have always masturbated with no problem and get erections. I have always used straight sex images and softcore porn for inspiration and nothing hardcore or outrageous. My looks prevent me from ever getting dates in the conventional manner so i have to go down this route. I have decided to stop viewing any porn images from now on. Would this help? And what about abstaining from masturbation for a certain period of time before visiting an escort again for a longer visit? I don't know but would this help me gain an erection next time? Because i have no sexual experience it was a nervous experience as well and my penis remained flaccid. Is herbal Viagara worth considering?
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erection, escort, my penis, period, porn Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 September 2012):
 in your original post you said :
" I am 44 and have always masturbated with no problem and get erections. "
you are not impotent.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 September 2012):
 If you've been able to have an erection when on your own, you are not impotent.
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A
male
reader, Richard.S +, writes (5 September 2012):
Richard.S is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am currently planning on seeing an escort in a months time. In the meantime i am going to abstain from watching internet porn and even masturbation to see if that helps. I will request a 2hr session involving mutual petting and kissing with a woman over 30. If that doesn't work then it seems i am impotent.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (8 August 2012):
I am not one to promote escorts. There have been young men who come on here and who feel they are missing out, when they are only 19-21 and have their whole life ahead of them to experiment. People like that need life experience, not paid sexual services. But then there's people like you, who knows what's out there for you through experience (and who isn't just acting because of peer pressure). And when your life becomes richer by seeing an escort, and I think it sounds like this was a good experience for you, then I am willing to support that. Whatever an online strangers support might mean.
Escorts aren't for everyone, but you're not everyone, and in your case it sounds like this is good for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): "it hasn't happened in real life and never will" - ever read about self fulfilling prophesies? You should. I think your attitude or lack of confidence is more off putting than your looks but whatever, good luck at the brothel.
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A
male
reader, Richard.S +, writes (8 August 2012):
Richard.S is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am going to book another session at the escort agency, this time for a couple of hours. I need to be able to relax and hopefully 'perform'. You know what, when i last visited an escort she was the only woman who never had a detrimental comment about my looks. Yes, i know i was a paying customer but it felt nice being treated like that. It hasn't happened in real life and never will.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (7 August 2012):
Try to not masturbate as you suggest. But I think you are experiencing what most virgins experience: nervousness related to their first sexual encounter. It is not uncommon that virgin men can't get an erection. They don't even need to be virgins actually, they might just be nervous. Then it happens, they can't get an erection. And it is perfectly normal. So I suggest that for the next time you take it slow and don't put too much pressure on yourself. Tell yourself that it is OK to not get erected. It doesn't mean you aren't good enough, or not man enough, and it definitely is not something to get embarrassed about. It happens to everyone at one point or another.
Next time, maybe your goal should be to have her touch you, and experience pleasure from touch alone. Touch her, explore her with your hands and tongue and lips. Practice kissing, or just snuggle together naked. Then if it happens it happens, and if not it's no biggie. Give yourself time, and be patient with yourself, and you'll get there.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 August 2012):
I really think after all your posts about this issue that you need to see a good life therapist. An escort cannot fix this problem.
Losing your virginity is not the issue.
You keep saying that your looks prevent you from getting dates but I can PROMISE you that it's not your looks it's your lack of belief in yourself...
check this out:
http://uglypeopleunite.com/ugly-married-couples/
or these guys:
http://listverse.com/2007/09/08/top-10-ugliest-male-celebrities/
Listen to me:
my fiance is short, snaggle toothed, wears glasses, and dresses horribly... he is NOT that attractive in the great span of life but to ME... he's gorgeous. The thing that made him so attractive to me was not his looks... they are not that great... but his major selling point was that he IS CONFIDENT and he accepts himself where he is and he DEMANDS that others accept him where he is or they can leave him alone... that goes for EVERYONE not just women.
The SEXIEST thing in the world is a CONFIDENT man.
Go to therapy. Learn to like yourself.
the rest will fall into place.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2012): Having read two of your previous posts I think what you need to do above all else is to stop fretting. I know it's easier said that done, but really .... If you find yourself dwelling on this issue, go for a run or a walk to distract yourself. Hopefully you will be less nervous next time you go to the brothel.
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A
female
reader, Just Gill +, writes (7 August 2012):
 by the sounds of things you got nervouse, it was your first time going to an escort agency. You can try not masturbating and see if that helps at all. Use your imagination, this is the most powerful organ in your body and controls pretty much everything you do...You paid for the escort so you can ask her to do things that you know will turn you on.
As for dating, Looks fade personality doesn't. Sounds cleche but it's the truth! Seduction works very well when dating, i suggest you practice your seduction techniques and get out there. Seduction isn't just looks, you need to create a persona about yourself. For example I'm deep and mysterious...The words i use and the tone when i speak to people, even what i talk about gets people interested. This will build your confidence up.
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