A
female
age
30-35,
*maya153
writes:My boyfriend made friends with this girl a few months ago, she's in the same group of friends as him. She's in the same college as him, I'm not. One night I was over at his, we were all a bit drunk, and she was there along with a few of his friends. He was talking just to her and I got quite jealous so I called him out on it, accused him of flirting with her, etc. He was hurt that I thought he would do that to me. A few months on, my boyfriend drops a bombshell - she's going to be one of his roommates next semester in college, along with some of their other friends. By the way he told me, I knew he knew I wouldn't be happy about it, but I didn't say anything. I just know this girl is after my boyfriend, she keeps liking things he does on Facebook/taking pics with him/chatting him etc, and I'm sure she made sure she'd be his roommate next year so she could get close to him. She's stunning, wears provocative clothing, and is outgoing and gets on with his group of friends, whereas I barely know them. I feel so insecure right now, even though I know my boyfriend cares about me I feel like it won't be enough and he'll end up getting really close to her when they're living together whereas I only see him like once every two weeks. My friends say I have nothing to worry about, but I just don't trust this girl, and I'm so insecure about myself. :( I don't want to come across as the clingy girlfriend, but I don't know what I should do! Please help me!! :(
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (17 May 2013):
 in my opinion, if your boyfriend respected you and your relationship, he would never dream of living with a woman he knew you were uncomfortable with. in fact, he wouldn't even be friends with someone who acted inappropriately. that's a part of having a healthy relationship; if someone crosses the line and gets too close, you must be able to count on each other to do the right thing. your boyfriend is clearly not doing the right thing by you. i would end this relationship, seeing as how i would realize i was not his first priority.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2013): I wish there was something to say that would make things seem more innocent. You have observed a lot in this young lady's behavior with regard to her connection to your boyfriend. She's chasing him, and he's not running.The advice I have to offer is not what you want to hear. I feel your boyfriend is being a coward. He has taken the easy way out, avoiding a breakup, and slyly got a new girlfriend.I think she has made every underhanded move possible to get close to him, and she has succeeded. I know this is devastating to hear; but it's best you face the facts so you may open yourself to dating someone else. You have to focus on school and keep up your grades. This drama will only dominate your thoughts.You should face the facts, and allow yourself time to come to terms with this possibility; then go through whatever emotions that will heavily fall upon you. He is playing the innocent one, while she does all the dirty work.You can't avoid the pain or feeling betrayed, but this is what happens sometimes. Unfortunately, it has happened to you. You have to pull away and deal with your feelings.Don't wait for him to come to you with some scripted and rehearsed breakup speech.Don't sit around totally miserable wondering what they're doing when you're not around. You don't deserve that. He's counting on you giving up without a fight. Don't, it isn't worth it. He did it right under your nose and he was quite sneaky about it. Who needs to be in a situation where a girl who likes your boyfriend is actually living with him, and you don't. Not too many girls would stick around for that.You have the power. You call the shots. You dump him and go through your healing process; so you can concentrate on your studies. Don't lie around paralyzed and heartsick over this broken relationship. You have school to be concerned about right now.Tell him how you feel. Then tell him he can have her as his roommate; which means he can't have you as his girlfriend. See how he reacts.Maybe someone else will give you better advice. I think you should put your heart first. You are young, and there will be many romances ahead. He's not your one and only. Not if you have to share him with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2013): Wow.i would not be with a guy with female roommates. Your friends are wrong this guy will cheat on you. Why would he want roommates other then males? This will drive you crazy. i would break up with him. It will hurt but not as much as finding out he cheated. He obviously likes the attention he gets from her.
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