A
female
age
41-50,
* Bennett
writes:Hi all,I posted a question a few weeks ago to determine whether or not the guy I had started seeing was intersted. I am a 36 year old, ordinarily together woman, however feel like a confused teenager at the moment.I have been kind of seeing a man for a month now. We see each other about twice a week and ultimately we end up having sex which is great I hasten to add. During which, he is incredibly intimate, saying my name, and cuddling in thereafter. On leaving he never makes a plan of when we will next see each other. I have been instigating all of the phoning, texting, and proposing dates. He knows how attracted I am to him but I have no idea how he feels about me. I asked him if this was just a sexual relationship which he responded "How can we determine that yet". I compliment him and he merely says, "Thanks". He occassionally talks about when he meets my mother etc which leads me to believe he sees some kind of future in this. I sometimes think if I didn't contact him I would never hear from him.Here is the really confusing part. I know he is interested in me so why does he behave in this way?. I also know very little about him as he always asks questions about me but seems to answer every question about him with another question. Can anyone offer any advice as to what is going on?. I have never met anyone like this before and I am at a complete loss.I look forward to your responses.E Bennett
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (17 May 2013):
 Hi
You shouldn't be having sex with a guy who never opens up or answers your questions in a normal way, that makes him a virtual stranger.
Let him contact you, initiate the dates. If he does, make sure you go *out* on a date (if you don't now)
I know its great to connect but my guess is he is having the time of his life, you chase, initiate and sleep with him and all HE has to do is roll up, have sex, then leave and wait for your next call.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (17 May 2013):
 not having answers is really frustrating and draining. from what i've seen and in my personal experience, if a guy likes you, you'll know. he will go out of his way to pursue you and make it very clear what his intentions are. in other words, you wouldn't be having to ask all these questions about his intentions.
sounds to me like he's enjoying just having sex with no commitment and you allow it, so why change anything? i would be curious if you stopped sleeping with him, if he'd stick around. perhaps it's worth a shot?
anyway, that's my two cents. see if you can't stop all expectations from him and just enjoy being with him for whatever it's. don't put all your eggs in one basket and expect anything from him. make a fuck buddy out of him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2013): I don't like the fact that he avoids opening himself to you and avoids your questions. Follow your gut, this may only be about sex and he may already be involved or married.Don't let your feelings get ahead of your common sense. You can share your body, but he can't share a few facts about himself?You should know more about a man before you sex him in the first place. He gets the upper hand by stealing your heart, to make it difficult to refuse him when he comes around for some fun. PUT THE BREAKS ON IT!!! NOW!!!He may belong to someone else, then you're on your way to heart-break and disappointment. You left out a lot of details in the last post; and I wonder if it was on purpose to get the encouraging answers you wanted to hear.I think this smells suspicious and you need to end the sex until you know more about him.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 May 2013):
 I would venture a guess. You are more into him than he is into you just yet. You're sexually active in less than a month; you may be misreading normal post-coital closeness for true intimacy.
Try this: let him initiate contact for the next few weeks. See how that goes. If he's not chasing you after a week, you'll know that you are more of a convenience than a passion for him.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (17 May 2013):
 He likes you, is definitely attracted to you, but is not committed to you. A month is really a short time to make a firm judgement as to how this relationship is going to develop. You obviously like this guy a lot, so I would advise that you slow it down a bit in terms of your emotions and expectations. Don't text him or call him as much. Let him chase you a bit too. Enjoy it for what it is for now and relish the good feelings. Don't try to sully it with premature expectations.
If you like you could give it three months and then start asking some of the serious relationship questions, if he had not already brought it up.
Right now just enjoy the infatuation and all the good feelings (euphoria) of new love. Drink it all in and focus on the present moment. The future will take care of itself. The attraction is mutual, so no need to worry right now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2013): He's playing you. All the signs point to it. He shares nothing about himself, he only comes around for sex, he never calls, never initiates contact, leaves and never makes plans with you. And when you asked if it was just a sexual relationship he responds, "we cant determine that yet", of course it is. Im surprised he kept a straight face when he said that. He's just buying himself time so he can keep coming around for sex.
Is he younger than you? I dont know why but it sounded like it.
I suppose if you enjoy the sex you can keep "dating" him. Dont expect anything more than that, though. Thats the extent of his availability for you and its not going to change.
If you want to test the theory of whether he would call you or not then stop calling him/texting him and see what he does or how long it takes for him to come around. If in a week you havent heard from him, then it's a guarantee he doesnt care (even though you dont even need to do all that as it is already pretty obvious he doesnt).
If I were you I would face reality, its just a sex thing, go with it or not but dont fool yourself and definitely keep your options open especially if you are looking for something meaningful.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2013): That doesn't sound good. Does he take you out anywhere? I don't know what you're looking for in a relationship, but he could just be after sex. I'd try to find out as much as you can about him before you get too emotionally involved.
If he is interested, he should be calling "you" and making plans with you. If I were you, I wouldn't reach out to him, and see if he makes the first move. Good luck.
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