A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiMy now ex and me had been dating for 2 years and known each other for 7 years (since she was 14). She was always really into me and talked about marriage and kids and how much she loved me and couldnt be with anyone else. She has had a few b/f before me 2 of which where serious but she said she was always in love with me. As of this year I moved from Australia to New Zealand to begin a career in aviation because she next year will finish her law degree and I didnt wish to be left behind in terms of careers. Anyway she was really excited for me and she also decided to do 6 months in college in the USA, she would always talk about how good this would be for are relationship and such. Anyway i moved over to New Zealand in july and 2 weeks later she came to stay for a week before heading to the USA, everything was perfect she said she loved me more than ever and had a great week togther. Once she arrived in the USA she begun college straight away and 2 weeks in it was my birthday and she sent me a gift and a card saying how much she loved me and how being away from me made her realize how much she wanted to be with me.I continued to get called by her and emails from her however I started to get a weird feeling in my stomach that something was changing in her. Anyway she is listed on facebook and I do not have a account so she didnt think i could see what was going on however my sister one day calls me up and tells me she (my g/f) has changed her relationship status from in a relationship to nothing. I started to get really concerned at this point however 2 days later she sends me another email telling me she only is thinking of me and all that crap. At this point I was very confused so I called her up and confronted her and she starts crying and all that and to cut along story short she breaks up with me (she also confessed to cheating on me) . At first she sounded like she would want to get back together when she got back but i kept calling her asking for answers and she seemed to push further away and almost act cruel towards me. After all of this I made a facebook account and she added me and she is now listed single and has all these photos of her partying and drinking (which she use to hate and never did much drinking if any) she still writes and trys to call but only if I dont contact her for sometime. I also asked if I could come visit her when she finishes her time at college and she said yes (but she said no to me visiting whilst in college)I know she really likes a guy at the college and it hurts like hell because she will not admit to it, but on facebook she will hint at it by saying her crush is a secret. Also I have seen a photo of the 2 hugging.What is going on? We where best friends and now I feel i dont even know her and she treats me like crap, I also have heard from friends she likes this guy she met but he is from argentina why would she throw everything away for something that could not possibly work?This weekend is very hard because her and her friend (who she went with) are in Las vagas with 8 guys including the argentine. Also the friend she is with was always jealous of me and my g/f because we had such a good relationship I feel as if she has helped bring this all about.Why is she acting cruel?Why hasnt she taken any down time after are split? (she is listed on myspace as ecstatic)Do you think we have a chance together?Or do you think she has really moved on?The one thing that really upsets me about all this is how she hasnt treated me like the best friend we use to be and also how she seems to have no heartbreak over all of this. I am hoping once she returns back to Australia and a normal life she might realise what she did and give me a real sincere apology for what she has done.Any advice on what is happening would be great I really need it because all i see and hear is how much fun she is having I have even heard she wants to move there.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): hi,u r in the same position as me but the only differnce is that we have not confessed our love till now.i know i was the first guy she has ever loved but the mistakre i have done is that i havenot told her till now.I am actually in london and she is in mauritius and for the first time in our life, we have beeb seperated for nearly a whole year.I wanted to tell her before i shift to london for my studies but really i was so much in a rush ,with all the documents likr the acceptance letter, visa etc that i really did not have time to tell her.She was in love with me for 4 whole years and in 2006 (the third year0when i was still in mauritius,we didnt meet each other nearly at all, just i think 3 or 4 times and what i realised is that she was still in love with me.I was her hero for all those times.Then in 2007 january,i left mauritius for london and when i was in london,we were just texting each other and never called each other on the phone.All was still goin on well,she always got jealous when i chat with her friends,always telling me that i have forgotten her which actually i have never ,evrythin was goin on well but then later we started having discussion out of love for each other.Before when we had discussions on text,we were able to reconcile when we meet up afterwards,but now am so far away from her and that argument increases.Then i decided to give her some space.Ant my bad luck was that ,in this period of time,a guy got attracted to her and proposed her.She took a quite a long time to decide and finally said YES.that guy in some way forced her to kiss her,she was hesitant but finally gave in.When i got to know that,that pain that u have was just impoossible,tellin yourself,how the heck could she have done that to me,but the thing is that she is not sure that i love her.THAT WAS MY MISTAKE.Before that i have told to myself that in december 2007,when i will go to mauritius,i will tell her everything but now,i am really confused.That guy kissed her 8 to 10 times,i just cant get that out of my mind,that is her first kiss.I didnt tell her anything,i let het go for nearly 2 months because i know she still loves me and one day or the other she will realise wat she have done to me,and eventually after nearly 2 months she started gettin problems with that fucking guy and think they want to break up.She doesnot know that i know that she is going out with that guy and when i asked her,she tellsme she is not going out with a guy.Then i realised that what she wanted from me for these whole 4 years,she is seeking that from that guy maybe,because i am not in mauritius now andshe doesnot know if i love her.But i knew she will want to leave that guy because she has truly once loved me.Now the biggest problem is i am not ready to accept wat she has done to me.i mean the kissing stuff like that,not at all ready,i really confused,that girl was my life,i have loved her so much ,more more than my own life,that guy didnt love her ,just wanted to have fun with her,Believe me,u need to gather much courage and strength if u want to forgive her for wat they have done for me n u.I am still not ready to accept wat she have done to me,i know she is thinking of me,but i dont want to have contact with her after wat she has done for me though i want to be with her for always and even marry her.BUT I JUST CANT ACCEPT THAT DAMN THING.thats really tough ,u ask to urself why that happened to u,if i was still in mauritius,that would not happened,I have come in london to make my career to study at the expense of losing the love of my life,is that wat i supposed to think ??Life is sometimes hard,I have to decide what to do,n u too,but if u want to have her back in ur life,u will have to accept her mistakes in such a way that she regrets wat she have done and most importantly ,she must feel love for u ,not guilt.GOod luck my friend and mine too..
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (29 September 2007):
 I would back off for a while. If it's not in her normal behavior to be a cheat, questioning her about it is bringing up something that she's probably wanting to bury. I think her behavior may have changed partially because of guilt. It does hard things on people. You hear the stories of how people have been hurt and it literally changes their personalities, behaviors, and their views of themselves. Guilt plays the same role. I think her being in college here is a new experience, and she's doing new and wild things to join others who are in the same position she is in. I'm in law as well, I couldn't imagine adding parting with my studies, too much work.
You both got together young. The problem doing that is the loss of social experiences. I would ask her why her treatment toward you is so harsh. You're best friends, whether she's there or her in the states, shouldn't change that fact. But with her cheating, she may feel unworthy to be best friends, or that you may treat her differently. People who cheat sometimes need help getting over the guilt as those who they cheat on getting over the pain. Did her excessive partying being before of after she cheated? Alcohol is a way to temporarily distort guilty feelings.
I wish you the best, weather or not it works out depends on her views when she returns. I don't know how much this experience going to school in the states is going to change her views and her plans. I hope it works out for you.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (29 September 2007):
 Right now she's living an adventure. She's in the selfish mode many people go through. She weighed her options and decided the fun was worth more than the relationship. That is the risk you take when you separate for so long. Distance can be good but it also puts people in a different frame of mind. Especially when it's a distance that creates a fun atmosphere. She's in a strange country, meeting new people and she's probably popular. She probably feels flattered and is getting to much fulfillment form the attention. All you can do is give her space and see how this ends.
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