| Latest articles: Problems that might be faced by couples whose relationship started as an affair
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
7 May 2022: Since this is a problem website, I guess it's not unusual that we get a lot of posts about infidelity but over the past year or so we've had glut of posts asking about the perils faced by those who have begun their relationship as an affair. Thes...
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My husband had an affair with the nurse
Q. Hello. I come to you needing help. Hurting after learning of husband's affair with nurse who was involved with our son when he went into hospital with COVID-19. Our son's only eight years old. I found out he'd been meeting this nurse in a ...
A. 9 June 2022: This is an American nurse... The NMC has nothing to do with it... (read in full...)
How to spot trolls
Q. How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...
A. 8 June 2022: 16) Trolly likes the word "humdrum" and occasionally the word "mundane". (Rather like his/her posts are becoming.)
17) Obsessed by Covid. I know it's something that affected everybody worldwide but Trolly has to weave Covid SOMEWHERE into their na... (read in full...)
My husband and I need help with his 80 year old mother
Q. Hi guys, My husband and I are writing this together. It's about his mum - my MIL. We all get along fine and we take care of her (she's 80 years old), but we live in different countries and the pandemic has drastically changed her life. Before s...
A. 8 June 2022: You're welcome.
I still think your mother probably has dementia though - it's just not at the stage where it would show up on brain scan.
The dog idea is good if she likes dogs. You could also enroll her in dog training classes.
And ... (read in full...)
My husband wants to leave me for the nurse
Q. Hello there. I'm a British woman who's 37 and been wed for 6 years now. Only just found out my husband has been in an affair with an NHS nurse who works at our local hospital, the affair went on for the past 3 years, began at Christmas the ye...
A. 8 June 2022: If you're genuinely not a troll, make an account and PM me. I can tell you about the NMC process, what might be involved and where you can get additional support from etc etc.(I know a lot about it.)
This post is very Trollyesque so I will onl... (read in full...)
My husband and I need help with his 80 year old mother
Q. Hi guys, My husband and I are writing this together. It's about his mum - my MIL. We all get along fine and we take care of her (she's 80 years old), but we live in different countries and the pandemic has drastically changed her life. Before s...
A. 8 June 2022: Firstly, are you SURE your mother doesn't have a dementia? Has she been tested? Dementia can be quite hard to spot in the early stages if people expect memory and confusion to be the only signs. Some dementias first manifest as odd behaviour (such ... (read in full...)
My husband had an affair with the nurse
Q. Hello. I come to you needing help. Hurting after learning of husband's affair with nurse who was involved with our son when he went into hospital with COVID-19. Our son's only eight years old. I found out he'd been meeting this nurse in a ...
A. 8 June 2022: Well I can't speak for American nurses but this would be considered completely unethical in the UK and a nurse could be struck off the nursing register for this.
So check out the code of professional conduct for nurses in your State and see if t... (read in full...)
Husband slept with his best friend on our wedding day for cash
Q. Hi there. Been married for 25 years now, anniversary coming up in November. 23rd November was the day we got married! I'm a Canadian who's been in London for 28 years now in total. I love my new adopted home city, but still keep in contact ...
A. 6 June 2022: Don't make things more complicated than they already are. I see no reason for you to tell the wife of something that happened 25 years ago. She may well already know.
It already sounds like an episode of Trolly oaks. ... (read in full...)
Where in a relationship do you think the point is that things become humdrum and also safe and Dependable
Q. Hello there. American expat couple in Canada. Well, technically, I'm a Canadian as my mom's one but I never lived in Canada but we moved here 8 years ago. I'm an American to you, but have citizenship of both. Our relationship began as an LDR,...
A. 6 June 2022: There's that word "humdrum" again. My advice - by a thesaurus. ... (read in full...)
Why does husband want marriage to be humdrum
Q. Hiya. Newlywed here. Only been married for 3 weeks now. Had a great wedding. Small but intimate. Just family, eight close friends of mine, four friends of my husband, that's it. Not even been on honeymoon yet and still in that warm glow. No ...
A. 6 June 2022: Well, some people like a simple life and would prefer to give large gatherings and exotic holidays a miss if they had the choice. Perhaps your husband is one of those.
Or maybe "humdrum" is just becoming fashionable these days.... after all the ... (read in full...)
I am the other woman
Q. Hi. I'm not looking to be judged. I am just looking for some good, sound advice as this situation is not one you can discuss openly. And as happy as it can be, it can also be difficult and very painful. I am not sure how to address this. I hope you ...
A. 6 June 2022: Sorry but I think your married boyfriend is spouting you a load of bullshit.
Unless you actually KNOW his wife you have no way of knowing whether anything he says about her is true. It's very easy for someone to paint a picture of themselv... (read in full...)
How to deal with my nephews.
Q. I need some advice please about my nephews. I have 2 nephews (my husbands brothers kids) aged 10 and 14 and both have no manners and don’t socialize. They are just always engrossed in their phones or iPads etc…. They ignore you when you spe...
A. 6 June 2022: Stop inviting them round. Any get-togethers can be in other venues so at least you won't have to clear up.... (read in full...)
What to do about my crush
Q. So, ages ago I had a HUGE crush on a girl who would shop at my store. I never pursued it cause she was with someone at the time. We kept in touch, but off and on. Recently her close friend started working with me. I asked how was she and she said ...
A. 6 June 2022: Why not organise a party or barbecue or something. Invite a few friends and a couple of colleagues. Invite your new colleague and her friend (the girl you're interested in.) If she comes you'll have the perfect opportunity to catch up with her and ... (read in full...)
Friend dating married man
Q. Hi there. I was having a meal with four different friends at a restaurant we hadn't been to since the pandemic and because it closed due to COVID. Apart from takeout. I had to cross the state line and go 40 miles for this meal. But it was ...
A. 6 June 2022: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/problems-that-might-be-faced-by-couples-whose.html
There's a link for you about this very subject.
The biggest problem that your friend faces is that her married partner won't leave his wife and she'll spend... (read in full...)
Identify theft for sex illegal?
Q. I sort of resemble a Fox News reporter named Matt Finn. We are both handsome guys of course. I am in no way related for the record. An American girl approached me in a bar and asked if I was him. I said no. She kept asking and accused me of ...
A. 6 June 2022: She's probably just shrieking mad but, it depends on which country you live in whether she has any legal case against you.
In the UK a few people have been prosecuted for "rape by deception" but not many of them seem to have been successf... (read in full...)
Learned something disturbing about wife
Q. Hello. I've been married to my wife for 15 years now. I'm 43, she's a year older. I'm British, she's American. She's lived over here for 22 years now. We met when I was 25 and she was 26, she was a student here, I was in a job that was well-pai...
A. 5 June 2022: So you're saying that your wife attended these government lockdown parties that have been in the headlines?
How did you find out she went?
What proof do you have?
Your wife's story is so far fetched that she's probably spoofing you to cove... (read in full...)
I have never been on a date
Q. I am a 36-year-old man with Asperger's Syndrome. I've never been on a date in my life and that is the crux of the issue. I'm educated, I have interesting things to talk about, I keep myself fit (albeit in other ways than the gym) and am well-p...
A. 3 June 2022: Perhaps the anonymous poster didn't read my answer properly. I never suggested the OP take up acting. I suggested that he get involved in the technical side of theatre. ... (read in full...)
Think I can't deal with this anymore but I also feel like a bad person if I leave someone with depression.
Q. Hi everyone I'm just looking for advice. about 6 months ago I started dating a girl who is severely depressed. She takes medication so sometimes its not so bad. We get along well, although I feel like the connection isn't as deep as it c...
A. 3 June 2022: Great answers from both YCBS and HoneyPie. I agree with them whole-heartedly.
Since this relationship is very new at 6 months, my advice is to throw this one back in the sea. Relationships shouldn't be this much hard work so early on.
If you ... (read in full...)
How do I seduce my cute nerdy guy friend who has a secret hot bod?
Q. So I have a friend who is a guy who I have started to think about more romantically after I saw him wearing a spiderman costume which showed off his very cute muscles which I had never seen before. Side note he had the costume because he is a ...
A. 2 June 2022: Is this guy gay as well? If he isn't, then you're probably barking up the wrong tree.
If he is gay then perhaps try a less "predatory" approach. Rather than copping a feel try holding his hand. ... (read in full...)
What's the advantages and disadvantages of going back home?
Q. Hello there. Australian expat in Turkey. Both Australian expats. Well, technically, husband's Kiwi with dual citizenship but born in Australia if that makes any sense to you. He claims he's an "Kiwi Aussie". Husband feels quite depresse...
A. 2 June 2022: If your husband misses "home" and his contract is up in 3 months then make plans to go home when his contract is up.
You can both use those final 3 months to start job hunting now and try and secure job interviews at least on your return. ... (read in full...)
I have never been on a date
Q. I am a 36-year-old man with Asperger's Syndrome. I've never been on a date in my life and that is the crux of the issue. I'm educated, I have interesting things to talk about, I keep myself fit (albeit in other ways than the gym) and am well-p...
A. 28 May 2022: Sounds like you need to improve your general social circle before you attempt to improve your dating life.
Try joining a local amateur theatre company? You'll meet lots of different people both male and female.
Now before you protest saying "... (read in full...)
What are the pros and cons of living in London for 6 months as retirees?
Q. Hi there. Been married for 23 years now. My husband told me he wants us to go and live in London for 6 months as that's the length of time we can stay in the UK on a tourist visa. He wants us to get a tourist visa, go there for 6 months and l...
A. 28 May 2022: This is perfectly doable if you've got the cash. So perhaps your first conversation with hubby should be working out your budget. Sit down together with your computer and find out the following....
1) How much will your visas cost?
2) How ... (read in full...)
How can I ever resolve this situation
Q. I received a big parcel this week which had my name on it and some woman's name was on it. I thought it was from my cousin since it had the same name, and yes, she had done this sort of thing before. But when I checked the handwriting after op...
A. 28 May 2022: Two explanations for your anonymous parcel.
A) It's a brushing scam. Do a Google search and read up about them. Basically, a seller who wants to raise their online profile makes false buyer accounts using the misappropriated data of real people. ... (read in full...)
My daughter doesn't like where we live
Q. American expat in Germany here. My 15-year-old daughter really really hates it here, he's been here since she was 9. Keeps insisting she wants to go back to North Dakota where we're from. We live in a small town, but I work in a big city u...
A. 28 May 2022: Why not send your wife and daughter back to North Dakota in 2023. Your wife can get a job and help get things ready for you when you return in 2024. You'll only be apart for a year. But your daughter's probably just going through a whiney, petulant, ... (read in full...)
Is this something that he is going to regret when he gets older or is it okay for him to skip his prom like this?
Q. Four years ago, my oldest son and his friends went to his prom and they had a great time. My youngest son's prom is next week and he is refusing to go. Instead, him and his friends are skipping prom together and are going bowling (about 1...
A. 28 May 2022: Well none of us can see into the future and none of us can speak for your son. I didn't go to my graduation and I don't regret not doing so. I don't even really think about it that much. Too many other things have happened since then to have ... (read in full...)
My daughter doesn't like where we live
Q. American expat in Germany here. My 15-year-old daughter really really hates it here, he's been here since she was 9. Keeps insisting she wants to go back to North Dakota where we're from. We live in a small town, but I work in a big city u...
A. 27 May 2022: Send her to boarding school. ... (read in full...)
Total stranger came up and said my wife was married to him
Q. Me and my wife had our weekly date night, went to a restaurant we hadn't been to for ages. Nothing odd about that. We always have weekly date nights to stop things growing stale or too mundane. Well, in 3 weeks our 15th anniversary is comin...
A. 27 May 2022: So which question is your priority? How to organize your anniversary party or what to do about the incident in the pizzeria? ... (read in full...)
I am an illegal immigrant. How do I deal with it?
Q. I'm a Belgian woman who's been in the US since August 2003 now, came in on a tourist visa, never went back. My family know although they're concerned about this. I came here for holiday, but eventually got under-the-table work at a McDona...
A. 27 May 2022: Is your girlfriend American? Why not marry her? Then you can legally apply for citizenship.
What's happened recently to make you start worrying about it after nearly 10 years? ... (read in full...)
How to spot trolls
Q. How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...
A. 27 May 2022: Apparently some of our posts are very similar in writing style because they have been ghostwritten. I've just received a PM from this ghostwriter who says that clients pay nearly $100 to have questions ghostwritten for them. I wonder if these ... (read in full...)
Wife cheating with my father
Q. Hello there. I've just found out my wife of 5 years has been cheating on me with my dad and is moving in with him soon. She admitted the affair's gone on since August, and that she wants him to be stepdad to our 8-year-old son. I'm Swedish, m...
A. 26 May 2022: Get a lawyer now. Even in a progressive country like Sweden courts will recognise that a situation like this can totally fuck a kid up for life.
Get therapy or counselling for yourself and your kid.
Move away with your kid and start over. Does... (read in full...)
Husband nostalgic about lock down
Q. Hello there. Canadian who's been living in Australia for 18 years, married since 2007. For the past few weeks, my husband has been so obsessive and nostalgic over lockdown. It ended here in Australia in October 2021, well, here anyway. I wa...
A. 26 May 2022: As you said, you suggested to your husband that he seek psychiatric help and he refused. So seeking satiaton therapy for him or any other kind of therapy would be futile.
For therapy to benefit anybody, they have to accept that they have a proble... (read in full...)
Wife does not care if we have sEx yet wakes me up taking care of herself
Q. I've been married for 43yrs.ive work extremely hard until I was diagnosed with post polio syndrome at 42.im eat up with o/arthritis,I've had mennugitis, I have a bullet in my back I'm in chronic pain,me and my wife had sex everyday for years.then ...
A. 26 May 2022: So you're faced with a difficult decision which only you can make. What is more important to you? Staying married to your wife or having sex? If having sex is more important than your marriage, then get divorced.
Sometimes in life we don't ge... (read in full...)
I seen my ex's new partner cheating. Do I tell her?
Q. So I've never done anything like this before. I find myself in an unbelievable situation, and I'm really looking for an unbiased point of view from people who don't know me. So, basically I was with my ex partner for as long as I can remember. I ...
A. 26 May 2022: My honest advice is simply stay out of it. Stay away and give yourself time to heal.
If you tell your ex what you've seen, it will probably just make you look like you're trying to ruin her new relationship because you're jealous or angry or... (read in full...)
Is 10 years too big of an age gap?
Q. Is ten years a big age gap in a relationship. I am 34 and my bf is 24. Sometimes he worries what we'll look like together in the future. As it stands I don't look my age but I am extremely aware of my actual age. We get asked for id all the time and ...
A. 26 May 2022: If the age difference doesn't matter to you, then other people's opinions shouldn't matter to you either.
It sounds like most of these people aren't that important to you if they have to ask your ages before expressing their disapproval. Ignore t... (read in full...)
I don't want to be an old dad
Q. MY wife is 33 and desperate for a baby but I’m 52 and don’t want to be an old dad. Is there any way around this? We’ve been married for three years and while she’s at a great age to have a baby, I’d be better as a grandad than a dad. When we ...
A. 24 May 2022: Well my sister had her first baby at 51. Her husband was 55 and they both make great parents and are thoroughly enjoying it. And their little girl is at big school now and she's perfectly well-balanced as couldn't give a shit about having parents ... (read in full...)
How to handle this?
Q. My friend has recently launched, although not opened yet, a new restaurant in our town. It's not a podunk town, but no big city either. The new restaurant specializes in Mexican food and take-out sandwiches / donuts (in a separate area for t...
A. 23 May 2022: Just laugh uproariously and say "Nice one, buddy! Now pull the other one Trolly" ... (read in full...)
How can I stop myself getting depressed and actually achieve the dream?
Q. This site is easily accessible in Russia and not blocked, thankfully! I'm a 27 year old Russian woman, well-educated, and want to move to the U.S, have done for the past 4 years. Obviously the current war is going to make it difficult. I...
A. 22 May 2022: Good advice from both answers you've received so far.
If you can become experienced in nursing or any other health - related profession it will be much easier to get a work permit. Just about all countries need good care workers.
And try to ge... (read in full...)
Need a sexy costume idea to show off boyfriend's progress.
Q. My boyfriend and I are going to a history department party with a costume theme of famous couples. Costumes can be somewhat sexy but not X rated. It is mostly faculty members, graduate students, and some undergrad history majors and their ...
A. 9 May 2022: You're very welcome. I adore costume parties! I guess Tarzan is more literary anyway. Have a good time and let us know if you win... ... (read in full...)
Need a sexy costume idea to show off boyfriend's progress.
Q. My boyfriend and I are going to a history department party with a costume theme of famous couples. Costumes can be somewhat sexy but not X rated. It is mostly faculty members, graduate students, and some undergrad history majors and their ...
A. 7 May 2022: Or any of the Greco-Roman gods. How about Adonis and Aphrodite? ... (read in full...)
Need a sexy costume idea to show off boyfriend's progress.
Q. My boyfriend and I are going to a history department party with a costume theme of famous couples. Costumes can be somewhat sexy but not X rated. It is mostly faculty members, graduate students, and some undergrad history majors and their ...
A. 7 May 2022: Samson and Delilah? ... (read in full...)
Need a sexy costume idea to show off boyfriend's progress.
Q. My boyfriend and I are going to a history department party with a costume theme of famous couples. Costumes can be somewhat sexy but not X rated. It is mostly faculty members, graduate students, and some undergrad history majors and their ...
A. 7 May 2022: He-man and She-ra from Masters of the Universe? ... (read in full...)
Need a sexy costume idea to show off boyfriend's progress.
Q. My boyfriend and I are going to a history department party with a costume theme of famous couples. Costumes can be somewhat sexy but not X rated. It is mostly faculty members, graduate students, and some undergrad history majors and their ...
A. 7 May 2022: Tarzan and Jane? ... (read in full...)
Is he only looking for sex?
Q. Hello, I asked this question a couple of days ago about planning to meet a man I met online http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-he-rushing-things-or-am-i-over.html I've decided to cancel the trip for next month just to see how he'd react to it...
A. 7 May 2022: It's really impossible for us to say whether he's just interested in sex or whether he's genuinely interested in you. Perhaps both. You know him much better than we do... That's the trouble with many long distance internet relationships
My ex... (read in full...)
Need a sexy costume idea to show off boyfriend's progress.
Q. My boyfriend and I are going to a history department party with a costume theme of famous couples. Costumes can be somewhat sexy but not X rated. It is mostly faculty members, graduate students, and some undergrad history majors and their ...
A. 7 May 2022: If he likes the idea of a gladiator... Why not be a Roman General instead? For costume purposes the outfits are pretty similar.
He can be Mark Anthony and you can be Cleopatra. ... (read in full...)
could be the reality of things, if my sister continues down the path of dating a married man?"
Q. Last night, my sister, 26, came round to my house to tell me she had something important to say. She admitted to me she'd been dating this married man, who's 38, since last August, when lockdown measures ended here in the UK in July with "Freed...
A. 7 May 2022: I have just written an article on this very subject. You can find it by clicking on the "articles" link at the top of the page (usually highlighted in yellow). I won't post a link because that usually bust the margins of the page.
I hope you read... (read in full...)
How to spot trolls
Q. How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...
A. 25 April 2022: 14) Trolly is often very precise with dates. They met their partner in 2012, got engaged in 2015, married in 2019, got made redundant in 2020 etc etc... The year 2012 seems to hold special significance for them.
15) Trolly often describes his/her ... (read in full...)
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