A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I come to you needing help. Hurting after learning of husband's affair with nurse who was involved with our son when he went into hospital with COVID-19.Our son's only eight years old.I found out he'd been meeting this nurse in a motel and at her house for sex, and that they'd even had drunken sex in our house in our bedroom.The nearest hospital is 10 miles away from home.I feel fucking angry, now he's planning on moving in with this OW and thinks our son should be with her.This nurse has fucking, fucking audacity to do this.Should she be reported for breaking ethics rules?I feel just so fucking angry with my husband.He's already confirmed the affair to me and admits he wants both of us.Well, I feel like poetic justice will come to him and things will just repeat themselves. He'll have an affair and she won't like it one bit.I don't think she'll be able to be stepmom to our son.This nurse may be quite pretty, compared to me even though I get told Im hot, but she'll probably regret another round of bills, chores, dirty underwear, ageing parents etc. She looks like Vanessa Hudgens and I feel inferior compared to her; the nurse, not Vanessa.But I'm not ugly.I believe she was active on all the dating sites and couldn't find a decent guy. Surely that can't be true.Started by looking for a divorce attorney. Lawyering up.Not sure what I can do about the fact this crosses state lines; we live in Connecticut, but the nurse works over the state line in New York State.She also lives there too.I feel fucking humiliated; the guy I've been with since I was 16 as a high school sweetheart cheats on me with the nurse.I didn't suspect my husband of being a cheat at all, no obvious tells.I've now leartn something else about this nurse; someone on Facebook claims she's a psycho who gets all-obsessed with her partners and is steadfastly loyal to them and isn't a nice gal.This nurse's Facebook page also claimed:"Got with MYHUSBANDSNAME, getting together full-time, he's moving in with MEEEEEE!!! Wooohooo, I am da baddest bitch. (bikini pics!)."I used a dummy account and got her added as a Facebook friend. She had no idea the "Sue Jones" was really me.I took advice from a blackhat forum which suggested making dummy accounts on Facebook to find out about cheating.This fucking makes me angry; his affair. Plus who it's with. No, not who the person, but also their job.You'd expect nurses to have some sort of ethics code.Rather ironically, I've started watching that Canadian drama Nurses. Now I feel like I could be in an episode of it. Hoo, boy, things aren't going well for me.I think my husband's fucked up big time.I really thought we'd had a good marriage for 7 years and now I can't trust him one bit.It doesn't help that this nurse is also known in our hometown too. Appears to be a regular at Yoga/Pilates classes as well. Not my ones though, thank God. Another class at a different building. I don't know how I'd have reacted if she'd have been at my classes.I now found a smoking gun of the affair saved on our computer; an entire folder of the nurse nude saved in a rather innocent-looking "401k Research" folder.What an idiot my husband's been.He'll have to be in my son's life for the next 10 years, no getting round that.I just feel fucking humiliated.How could I not have known?Our son's recovering from COVID. Thank the Lord he ain't got Long Covid.I've got the divorce attorney research ball rolling but what next to do?I really don't know how to cope.I've never had a good support group and not many friends. My oldest friend from high school now lives and works in West Hollywood so going to see her ain't easy. I'd love to see her again in person but the last time we saw each other was January two years ago pre-pandemic.If that isn't bad enough our seventh wedding anniversary happens in about six weeks time so this ain't looking great.Just really need some help. Things ain't great.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2022): Maybe you can get some counseling and therapy to help you deal with any anxieties you have. As long as you've got a lawyer, at least you'll get legal advice to protect yourself, and to be sure you'll get what's coming to you financially.
A
female
reader, RitaBrown  +, writes (9 June 2022):
This is an American nurse... The NMC has nothing to do with it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2022): I very much doubt this nurse would be struck off. The NHS have invested a lot of time and money in training her up to do the job. She is valuable to them. They are desperately short staffed because it is very badly paid with awful hours.
To sack her would be giving themselves an enormous problem and expenses later.
There is also the fact you cannot prove any of this. For all they know you are making it all up, you could be a jealous neighbour out to make trouble, you could be a mentally ill person who gets her confused with someone else. They are not going to terminate her career - and risk being sued by her - just on your say so.
In fact what does it matter that your husband had an affair with a nurse? So what? She is there to help people who are ill and she does. That does not stop her from fancying guys and falling in love with someone. She is allowed a personal life, a sex life, and normal human feelings too.
Why make such a big issue out of her being a nurse?
What would you say if the woman had been a florist or a
cleaner or a taxi driver? Nothing.
You are putting all of the blame of this onto her.
Your husband is a grown adult, he chose to go with her, he close every thing that happened. She did not hypnotise him, or blackmail him o force him to agree in anyway.
He is not a dumb child, he is a grown adult.
He is also not a possession. If he is bored at home or unhappy or whatever he may stray, that is how relationships and life works. You would do the same.
You cannot just marry someone and then rest on your laurels
and put the onus on them to be faithful and loyal for the rest of their lives, even if they are bored or sad and not happy with you. Lots of people separate and get divorced.
Many would never ever get married if that were not possible later if things go downhill or they realise they prefer someone else or they prefer being single.
If you want to be angry be angry towards him.
He is the one who made you promises - not her. She owes you nothing. He owes you a lot but he can, if he wants, prefer someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2022): I would report her to the hospital and medical board.She does deserve to never be a nurse again. And yes nurses must follow an ethics code and yes she will lose her job as she should.
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A
female
reader, RitaBrown +, writes (8 June 2022):
Well I can't speak for American nurses but this would be considered completely unethical in the UK and a nurse could be struck off the nursing register for this.
So check out the code of professional conduct for nurses in your State and see if this nurse has breached it (rules may be more lax than in the UK)
And then call a divorce lawyer.
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