A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I've been having a relationship for two years, and I find myself in a very difficult position. My boyfriend, who is not only good looking but smart and charismatic is being stalked by all these ex-girlfriends, who leave him flowers on the car and ribbons.Moreover everywhere we go there are girls who instantly like him and try to flirt with him even though I'm there. They make discounts for him at the shops, he gets free meals..etc. I am rather upset by this, I know he loves me very much and I feel the same, but what do you advise me to do?
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ex girlfriend, flirt, flowers, stalking Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kutie0712 +, writes (30 October 2007):
Well talk to him and tell him how you feel, my best friend was in the same position and so talked to her bf. He understood her, if he really loves you he will understand and help
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the pieces of advice. Finally I figured things out by myself with a shot of self confidence and a talk with my boyfriend. So carpe diem for me! The answers helped me a lot to find where I'm standing. Thanks again.
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A
male
reader, Joseph W. South  +, writes (28 October 2007):
 Why do people want to change other people so much? You are not in love with this guy, you are in love with your IDEAL VERSION of him. You are dating a man who is loved by many women. I can tell you from experience that this is not going to change. You should not be EXPECTING him to change. If you want a man who is not flirted with by every woman who sees him, then you will not be able to handle Brad Pitt or someone like your boyfriend.
Now I want you to analyze yourself and dig for the REAL problem. You can't change HIM but you can't change YOURSELF. Some questions I would ask you would be:
- What is it about the other women that bothers you? Do you feel it's disrespectful? Do you feel they will steal him from you? Do you think your boyfriend is too weak to resist them? Is he perhaps out of your league?
- After answering all of the above, ask yourself, Why are YOU attracted to a guy with this type of personality?
The Joseph W. South Show
http://joseph.libsyn.com
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): Hi! If this woman is stalking him, then he can have a word with the police. Men being stalked by women is just the same and men stalking women. If it gets really bad then i think he should have a word with them. I personally dont know how you put up with it. My second partner had a lot of 'followers' and each time they rang i used to answer his phone, cos he was spineless, and i used to say i was with him now and what was there problem. It cut them dead in their tracks, but that is because he let me answer his phone. It is up to you.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, JaffaZ  +, writes (28 October 2007):
 I agree, talk to your boyfriend about it. Try to get him to ask the girls to leave him alone, or at least tone it down a bit. He probably does like all the attention - who wouldn't? Just make sure he doesn't start flirting back. Ooooooo, maybe if they get him free meals or whatever, you should cheekily ask if you can have free stuff/discounts too. That should throw them off a bit.
Good luck!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the fast advice. SadieBea you are mostly right about what you said. The fact is that he used to eat a lot of fast food and that he was a good client in some of the places. He is always very polite and girls seem to like that. So you are saying that I shouldn't worry or that I should have a discussion with him? He was a long period of time alone and since we met things have changed. I also met his family and he met mine, and my folks like him and his like me. He seems to put price on that.
WaterlooSunset you have a point there. I had a discussion with him and he told me that there's nothing he cand do about the ex's he told them to stop but some just won't quit. Some even called him when he was with me and he told them to stop. He even changed his phone number. But this girl is stalking him. I don't know how she finds his car again and again. She freaks me out.
Thanks again. Any more piece of advice you can give me is helpful. It is difficult for me to process things because we are toghether for 2 years now and things have been going ok, exceot what I said before. I really love him and he seems to understand me very good but what if I am blinded by love?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): I think he is encouraging the situation. He knows just what he is doing! He gets discounts and free meals, what does he have to lose? His ex's stalk him. Tell him that you are not happy with the situation and how would he feel if that was you? He wouldnt like it! Let him know how you feel. If you dont like the situation and it doesnt change then i would ask myself just what do i like about being with this guy. Do you want to live your life like this? I doubt it! If the situation doesnt get better and HE doesnt put it right then i would be off, but that is me, i dont take any shite in my life now, i used to. BUT Life is too short, and why should you be made to feel like this.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, rambini  +, writes (28 October 2007):
 i can see why this would bother you, but as said by sadiebea, perhaps he does need to just reflect on his behaviour, alternatively, you could just take this as a huge compliment, because like you said, it is YOU who he loves and you who he goes home to, not these other women. just walk tall and proud knowing so many other ppl like your man, but he chose YOU x x x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): Maybe his 'charismatic' charm is being seen as flirting by these other women. Not that you necessarily have to worry about that, because a bit of harmless flirting didn't hurt anyone, but all I'm saying is that perhaps his charm and good character encourage women to think that he likes them and that they stand a chance with him. If this is the case, he should look at his own behaviour and how he is perceived by other women. I doubt if he just walks into a shop and suddenly the women give him discounts. He obviously has a rapport with them and a laugh and a joke, and they are misinterpreting his actions.
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A
female
reader, elliebellie +, writes (28 October 2007):
i think you shud just tell him that it makes u feel very uncomfortable the way all these girls behaave around him. only mention it once and quite casually otherwise he may think u are very jealous. hope this helps.
ellie
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