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My boyfriend found out that I love my best friend!

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Question - (20 April 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 20 April 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

ok...well....i love my best friend....and i have a boyfriend now that i love...and they both really like me...and my best frind lives an hour and a hlf away and my current bf lives with me (long story)...... but... and my bestfriend says that he would date me if we lived closer and if we didnt both already have bfs and gfs....(cause he has a gf and i have a bf)... bbut yeah.... i need help idk what to do to make my feelings go away. because my bf found out and its hurting him that i love my best friend and i need help! any ideas on how to make him fell better? even if it hurts me I'll do anything for him. just...i wont cut my bestfriend out of my life.

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A female reader, kemara Antigua and Barbuda +, writes (20 April 2010):

I completely agree with caringguy. You cannot keep stringing them both on cause that is exactly what you are doing. You need to look at the pros and the cons of the relationship between you and your boyf and you and your bestf, but remember don't marry the one that you love, marry the one that loves you...trust me. i made the mistake of going with someone that i loved and the result was not in my favour. Dont do that to your boy friend, your best friend or yourself because it will hurt more in the long-run than it does now... i wish you all the best

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A female reader, rambini United Kingdom +, writes (20 April 2010):

rambini agony auntif you won't cut your best friend out, then you have already made the choice. you cannot seriously expect your boyfriend to stick around knowing he is second choice?

you are being very unfair on him, and he deserves someone who will put him first.

so either decide you want your relationship to work and get rid of the best friend, or take your chances with the best friend and give your boyfriend the chance to find someone who wont mess him around.

there is no compromise, and if you dont make a choice then they will make one for you and you could end up losing them both.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (20 April 2010):

If you won't cut your best friend out of your life, knowing that you love him, then you really have to look at your relationship with your boyfriend. You cannot spend the rest of your life loving two different men, keeping them both in your life and keeping them bother wondering who you really love. That's unfair on both men and it's not going to help you. You are hurting your boyfriend by not cutting contact, and at some point he will leave because he'll feel second best. This isn't some teenage thing anymore, you're now an adult and you have to make a decision. Either you love your best friend, in which case get rid of your boyfriend. Or you love your boyfriend, in which case you need to end it with your boyfriend. There is in between, and there is no compromise. To continue this way would be very unfair to your boyfriend and your best friend. One has to go. If you don't decide, you'll end up losing them both.

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A female reader, bigting United Kingdom +, writes (20 April 2010):

okay same ting happened to me my best mate (chris) and my boyfriend (javan) he saw me kiss (chris) and he found out but if ur boyfriend really love you he would not feel bad and would not make you feel bad i said i love my bestfriend and i dont want anything to happen to my friendship with him ( javan )told me that he loves me but if i did it again we will slit up and (chris) said the same ting he likes me but if someting happens between me and (javan) then we will ting about gettin more close but i love (javan) and (javan) loves me!!!!! so im happy!

hope it helps!! xxx

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A female reader, terrifenby United Kingdom +, writes (20 April 2010):

terrifenby agony auntYour best friend has a gf and you dont live closer to each other. So dont cut him out of your life but you cant chase him.

With your boyfriend, you have to decide whether you can love him without craving to be with your best friend. If you cant then you have to leave him.

Its not fair on him.

Best of luck

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (20 April 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntTalk less and minimise your contact with your best friend.In time , he will fade into the background .

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