A
male
age
30-35,
*arble
writes:I often wonder what would anyone else do in my placeI'm 21 years old and through the years of growing up i've done an outstanding job of being socially withdrawn.. losing contact with friends, never having a gf, that sort of thing.I know it's human nature to wanna be like everybody else to a point and u feel bad when ur not...that's why i feel like crap when everywhere i look i see couples cuz i know my poor social skills would destory any opportunity of having a girlfriend or make friends...to make matters worse i currently have no job (this is like the cherry on top of my social failure)....what girl would wanna be with a guy without a job nowdays?There's also irnoy in this cuz i'm good looking, tall, don't have bad habits or anything.. i have no problem talking with girls, until it gets to the point of her liking me and me not having a clue what to do.The internet has part of the blame for my social issues cuz we all know how the internet is.I'm curious what other people would do in my place and what am i suppose to do.
View related questions:
the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2013): Don't worry my man, I'm in the same boat as you - although I'm not vying for attention in public.
For all my life I was never 'good' with people - not that I couldn't talk with people, it's just that I always felt something gnawing at my insides....as the years have passed I've come to realize it's because I can't stand people!
I know it's bad to generalize about groups of people, let alone the entire population, but I just find humans utterly ignorant, self-centered, moronic, and annoying.
I spend most of my time on my own nowadays after realizing why I didn't mesh well with others and enjoy it thoroughly. I come and go as I please. I never have to depend on anyone, nor do I have to be depended on. I choose what to do or what not to do and never have to really worry about 'social indiscretions' because, I really just don't care about others!
Some may see this as strange, but I thought I'd chime in - from forums I've read online there are quite a lot of people out there like you and I and perhaps a little acceptance of the way things are is better than some advice you may receive a long of lines of "get out there, improve yourself, make yourself into something you're not to get friends/women!".
Cheers from Canada!
A
male
reader, Tarble +, writes (9 May 2013):
Tarble is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the replies.. it's really interesting to see different opinions about these sort of things...i'm happy i found this site
...............................
A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (8 May 2013):
 Perhaps you just need a little help brushing up on your social skills, and knowing how to close the deal when you meet someone. I hired a life coach who helps me with women (and other things) maybe you could do something like that. Or if you have a really good female friend you can trust, ask her for help.
Do something about it now, while you're young. Don't wait for ten or twenty years like I did.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2013): This is one of my favorite types of posts. The socially inept; or someone who thinks they are.The high-tech gadget-dependent nerd. The star of the self-pity party. How do you know how badly you will behave in public, if you are never in public?First off, you're not as bad as you think. You're lonely, depressed, and that makes you put yourself down. There is light at the end of the tunnel. At least you realize you're not bad-looking, and you're in your late teens or early twenties. Being awkward is totally normal. You don't get out much, or you would know that.People who spend too much time on their tablets, smartphones,gaming consoles, laptops, or devices that are all of the above at once; are hiding from life on purpose. They like the control a device gives them. They can either create an environment or participate in a predetermined situation. They know the outcome. They are never disappointed, and they can shut it off at will.You have time on your hands. So you have to do something constructive. There are always charitable organizations searching for volunteers. Especially teens and smart creative young people. Go on line and find one that suits your interest. It may also lead to employment. I have never met a nerd who didn't have a hidden talent.Do you like art or photography? Are you athletic? Are you a mathematical genius or can you sing? Do you have a good sense of organization? Can you make people laugh... intentionally or unintentionally? Use any natural skill to your advantage. It can help you find people of the same interests. Hospitals always need volunteers.If you actively participate in situations where you find people, you find ways to interact, and you learn by doing. You think you're odd? You'll find all people have peculiarities. Some more than others.Forcing yourself to socialize is the first step. You are paralyzed because you've already judged yourself in a negative way. You assume you're not likeable.Just by the way you write, you have some sense of humor about yourself. Just get out of the habit of putting yourself down. That's unhealthy. It destroys self-esteem and corrodes your self-confidence. Look in the mirror and like what you see. You're young and healthy, and you have life ahead of you.Go down to your local animal shelter and volunteer your time to help clean cages or walk the animals. Offer to clean neighbor's garages or wash cars. Organize a yard sale for your parents or family members. Keep part of the money.Get a book. I mean a real and interesting book. Go sit in a local park and read it. Give a little smile to the pretty girls as they pass by. Then hide your face in your book. One out of five will ask you what you're reading. Talk about it.If you have a dog, or a family member has a cute little dog.Offer to take him for a walk. They get attention from girls.Some time being socially awkward works for you. Shyness makes some people more approachable or attractive. Never put yourself down in front of girls or a potential friends.That is really unattractive and desperate. Learn to play the guitar or an instrument. If you can control yourself without coming off like an ax-murderer or a ghoul, I'm pretty sure someone will take interest in a short chat. You have to be in public to make yourself visibly available. Take your laptop to a coffee shop. Buy a pretty girl a cup of coffee or tea. If you're on the computer a lot, you have loads of things to chat about.Find a job at a fast-food place. You see people all day, and you begin to get used to crowds and the commotion.Take a stroll through your local mall. Make applications for jobs, and follow-up on them. This will keep you social and busy all day long.Are you attending high school or college? Join an acting class. You will discover hidden sides of your personality that you've never known existed. You'll be around other people to interact. You can be any character you want. You will develop personality by reaching inward. By exploring your deepest emotions or tapping into your inner psyche. You'll set yourself free.Nothing is more rewarding, than helping people who need you. Meeting other people who like doing that sort of thing, will also help to bring out the best in you. So if there are charitable organizations looking for young volunteers, offer your spare time. You meet a nicer group of people; who are less likely to judge or intimidate you.I hope these suggestions help.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (8 May 2013):
 The first step for you is to completely erase all mentions of anything external when it comes to "blame" for your situation in life. Do not partly blame the internet. Only and completely put the responsibility on yourself. This is quite freeing to do so, because if you are the only one responsible, then you have 100% power to change your status.
Write up your goals long term. New job, girlfriend, making friends, reconnecting with friends, etc.
Then break those goals down with shorter term goals, such as making one new friend, or applying for 10 jobs, or contacting a friend you lost due to dropping off the face of the earth.
Then break those down further into daily things. Suddenly, the mountain isn't so massive. There's an old saying my dad used to tell me :: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
But seriously, never ever blame anything external. And be frustrated -- frustration is your ultimate best friend because it will motivate and empower you to go for what you want.
...............................
A
female
reader, marcellaanne2 +, writes (8 May 2013):
I am a 21 year old female with little social life. But its not because of the internet. Its because I've dated WAY too much. I get so focused on that to the point that I drive away friendships.First, I think you should try to find a job if you think it would give you confidence. I don't think not having a job makes you unlikable or anything but its good to have a source of income and to always have work experience.As for girls, not all of them need a guy who is overly confident when it comes to talking to them. There are a lot of different kinds of girls out there and there are plenty who would like you just the way you are even if you think you're lame.I think you just need to break the ice. Get to know a girl and ask her on a date. If she says no then she says no. If she says yes and the date sucks, then you learn from it. You're not going to get comfortable until you get out there. It might be pretty uncomfortable at first but if you get some experience with talking to girls, you'll do it more naturally.
...............................
|
