A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I know this is weird, but it's my weird thing. Whenever I feel happy in a relationship; things are going well at my job, I'm healthy; everything feels wonderful I always get bombarded with horrible negative thoughts; like I'm going to die young, or get cancer or something horrible will happen to someone in my family. I have seen this pattern in my life for many years. Usually I just find things to replace these negative thoughts, and try to keep my mind occupied with things that give me happiness. But lately I have become extremely scared that something is going to happen to my husband. We've only been married 4 months and I have never loved someone so much. I think it just scares me. The thought of losing him. Also he does have some health problems. He has high blood pressure, which he takes medicine for, when I can get him to. He smokes occasionally. He drinks socially although his doctor has told him his liver is showing signs of early cirrhosis. I try not to nag him, but it breaks my heart when I see him not taking his health more seriously. I don't want to "mother" him but I want to protect him so we will have a long, happy life together. I just don't know how to deal with all these feelings. I feel helpless at times and paralized by fear.
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 I think a part of this is paranoia but, for the most part, you have every reason to be cautious for your husband.
Your husband is really the only thing you have to worry about. Everything else you can forget. When you are happy, of course you are going to think about what it is like to lose so much and you are going to be afraid of that so your mind is going to look for things to be afraid of. Talk to your husband so he knows how you feel about this. Let him know you are worried. If he thinks that you are 'mothering' him, he is not thinking. Anyone and everyone fears the death of someone they love a lot and it is only right that they express that fear if they have reason to believe that death is imminent. It is a scary thought and you have to let him know so he is more aware of the impact of his actions.
The rest of your life is joyous. Let that joy remain, embrace it and care not about the possibilities until the time comes to worry which, hopefully, will never come.
I hope that helps.
A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (24 January 2011):
 Hey we all suffer negative thoughts at times, especially as time waits for no man....or woman.
You seem to have done a pretty good job at coping with this so far - forcing yourself to think positively etc.
If you find thats not quite working for you anymore, why not try a different approach? Perhaps some hypnotherapy or or the like?
It may sound ridiculous to you but there are a lot of relaxation tapes and mp3 files out there that you can use to just chill out in general.
I`m not saying this is going to be a quick fix soloution for you but it stand to reason that relaxing when youre tense or concerned will go some way to helping you.
By the way, do you want some perspective on your question? OK, here it is, right now? Youre worrying about worrying!
Im not poking fun at you, just trying to make you see how pointelss that is.
Like I said, we all worry at times so youre not at all different to anyone else and you can overcome this.
Try the hypnotherapy route - honestly I think it will help calm you.
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A
male
reader, nitroushaze  +, writes (24 January 2011):
Every day you worry, is another day you ruin the time that you do have together.
Advise him on things, but if he doesn't accept your advice then don't worry about it. The worst thing that anyone can worry about is death as it will happen when-ever and where-ever. Don't fear death, fear to have never lived life.
The best thing you can do is appreciate the days you spend with each other and make the most of it.
You are not his mother. You are his lover and friend. Don't ever forget that.
And the more you focus on the negative, the more you miss out on the positive things that are in your life. Stop fearing the unknown. You can't bubble wrap the people you love.
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