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... Send *andleman a private message | | | *andleman's profile:Hi,
My wife got me into this site. It got addictive.
The best attributes I have to help people are my instincts and ability to see all sides of a problem. Most of the questions I answer require an analytical logic which is my strength.
I approach most of these questions w/ a Darwinist outlook as human nature, though it is varied, often times repeats the same patterns, has the same motives etc.
I'm middle aged (37), and I have experienced a lot from heartache, loneliness, love, death, addiction etc. I've met a lot of people, heard a lot of stories and can remember a lot.
I'm very open minded and would call myself a Darwinist Liberal (I think I just coined a new term there.)
I also like helping people. I've spent an hour on one question before. I'll look things up on websites or books to get the information that might help another.
Well, thanks for reading. Best Wishes |
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I want a second date but don't want to be a stalker chick!
Q. I had one date with this guy - in early August. We played phone tag until Sept. 8. He'd leave me a voicemail, I'd call back and leave another voicemail. We just couldn't seem to connect. He used a company cell phone, then he quit his job. He must ...
A. 30 September 2009: You need to change your name from glutton4punishment to something more appropriate!!!!
I would like to apologize for being harsh and very, very wrong. I was only being honest in how I felt. I learned something from this experience as well.
... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's past haunts me every day
Q. Ok I love my girlfriend very much but her past haunts me everyday. I know of 6 of her past encounters. She has told me about all of them. One she had slept with the lead singer of a band. Another she told me recently that she had gotten so ...
A. 29 September 2009: Brian,
Read my post again man, I called it. Welcome to the wonderful world of love. And, hey, there are going to be times that her past is going to bug you, when it does, have those words she said written down and read them again to remind y... (read in full...)
How do I get this horrible night with my ex out of my head?
Q. I didnt think id need help with this because i had been doing so well..but now i feel like crap:( please help find a way to finally get over this feeling. i have been broken up with my ex since the begging of the year and he has a new gf but we ...
A. 29 September 2009: The problem you have is that you need to heal completely from this relationship. You attempted to do this still keeping contact with him.
The more contact you keep with him, the more you are chained to this relationship. The more your mind... (read in full...)
Was our relationshp sabotaged?
Q. My guy and I dated for a year and were about to commit exclusively to a long-term relationship Without any warning,and perplexed by his sudden change of heart, I knew something went wrong. Just before he abruptly broke off with me, a male co-wo...
A. 29 September 2009: It obviously could be that your man just doesn't want to commit that far for whatever reason, but given the abrupt change it seems more like the snake said something about you.
I would venture to guess snake proably said something along the line... (read in full...)
Geographically undesireable is becoming desireable
Q. Dear Cupid, Great longing and an aching heart for someone far away brought me to you tonight. I look towards the wisdom and divinity of dearcupid.org to lean on. First, I will get right to the point, then provide support details and describe the...
A. 29 September 2009: You are truly stuck because the relationship exists in a romantic, idealized world rather than reality.
The only way to make it a reality is either she comes here, or you go there. Extreme sacrifice of one of your current lives a must. And, a q... (read in full...)
Am I a straight? Bi? Or lesbian?
Q. I have been staright all my life and had boyfriends etc, but just recently i feel like i have a crush on a female teacher. Everyones started calling me a lesbien, but im obvisly not a lesbein cos i like boys, but am i bisexual? or is it just a phase ...
A. 28 September 2009: Describe the crush. When you think of her sexually, does it stimulate you? Are there other girls that when you think of them gives you a stimulated feeling?
The key is sexual stimulation. If stimulation lacks then it could just be you really l... (read in full...)
She wants to get married even though she's told me she doesn't love me. What?
Q. She has asked me to marry her even though she hs told me she doesn't love me and that she is not 100% with me. What should I do now? A month ago I read my partner's notes (they were left laying around when I went to her place at her request to c...
A. 28 September 2009:
Its right there in black and white. She is wanting you for security purposes, not love (not even close.) Be fortunate you found the letters because they are identical to her behaviour towards you. You are setting yourself up for years of torment ... (read in full...)
I love my wife but I think divorce is the best answer
Q. I Really want a divorce, my wife doesnt. im still hurt and in love but i need to move -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- First of all i want to say thank you for reading this and im begging you ...
A. 28 September 2009: Looking at what you've said, I would have a very hard time trusting this woman. She has been through one hell of a lot and the flaws you describe make me question her true love for you and her ability to accept the kind of love and life you offer. ... (read in full...)
My ex was sick and I ignored him was that bad?
Q. My ex and I had just started being friendly after months of being bitter to each other after our break-up. The other day, I asked him thru text about the shop where he bought his car. Then he replied to explain a few things then said to me he is...
A. 28 September 2009: Don't let this get to you. It's only natural to have these sorts of feelings. Just look at what it is telling you.
It is telling you that it's not time for you two to be friends. (Who needs enemies at this rate?)You need to get over the rela... (read in full...)
I want a second date but don't want to be a stalker chick!
Q. I had one date with this guy - in early August. We played phone tag until Sept. 8. He'd leave me a voicemail, I'd call back and leave another voicemail. We just couldn't seem to connect. He used a company cell phone, then he quit his job. He must ...
A. 28 September 2009: Here's how I see it...
Likelyhood of he just doesn't want to go out again for what ever reason..... 98% Why...the phone tag (?was it?) and he easily could have gotten your number off his phone had he really desired to prior to turning it in....
... (read in full...)
What is this supposed to mean?
Q. How can you tell if this is real or something else . Met a girl at work a couple years ago . We talked once in awhile , mostly about nothing . Then one day we were going by each other and she stuck out her pinky to shake pinkies . Well that little ...
A. 27 September 2009: Two possible things I see... 1. The pinkie shake was simply a friendly gesture, like a teamwork at the office kind of thing. 2. The pinkie shake was your cue to act, and since you waited too long, she lost interest. Either way, she's ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend sitll has feelings for abusive ex?
Q. Ok, so my girlfriend and I have been going out for about 2 months now. I like her a lot but there's something that concerns me and makes me think that maybe I should call this quits, for my own mental well being. She was previously in a ...
A. 27 September 2009: Women tend to stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. In your case, the only thing that is important is that she could be one of those types of women. Either way, considering she isn't too far removed from this relationship, you're taking ... (read in full...)
Why would he watch porn right after we have sex?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have a great sex life. It is always fun and full filling, one thing tho... Sometimes after we have sex and i leave or go to sleep he goes on the pc sometimes within the hour and watches porn. I have expressed how this makes me ...
A. 27 September 2009: No, the way you feel is very normal. You need to communicate more with him and try to understand what exactly it is he is drawn to. It could be he has certain fantasies or fetishes that you two could explore together. Often times though ... (read in full...)
I'm married to an alcoholic and I'm tired of being mother and nurse!
Q. I really do not know what to do. I have been married for 13 years to an alcoholic. We have two beautiful boys. I am miserable. He has been seeking help through AA on and off for the last year, but still he chooses to sneak and get drunk. Last ...
A. 27 September 2009: Divorce could be your option depending on what state you live in and who's name the debt is in. You will also want to look at bankruptcy options both divorced and married.
I'm sure you're aware of the term rock bottom. Your husband needs to reac... (read in full...)
I was wondering if people could help me with ideas/concepts for a short film that would be feasable.
Q. Hello there, I suppose this question is a little different, but I'm still looking for advice/help. Also, I'd like to think this could be a little fun, and be a little more light than some of the topics discussed on the forum. Briefly, since...
A. 27 September 2009: How about something based on this site or sites similar. This site gets a lot of traffic. Call it something like "Modern Day Therapy" or Non-traditional Therapy in the Digital Age" The possibilites are vast in regards to websites that offer ... (read in full...)
Do I just walk up to a girl and introduce myself? Maybe I'll miss that chance if I don't!
Q. I keep seeing really pretty girls walking down the streets of New York City. Often we make eye contact and sometimes they smile at me. Is there any point to stop and introduce myself and talk to them or are women not receptive to meeting ...
A. 26 September 2009: When I've visited cities, coming from a small town, I always talk to people. I don't know how many times I've gotten the comment, "You're not from the city are you?" People in cities are less likely to be open to talking to stranger... (read in full...)
My friends smoke weed. How do I tell them I don't toke anymore?
Q. Please i need help, im going to a gig soon with some mates ill be 16 then and basically, my mates are taking weed with them and I dont know what to do. I used to smoke it with me old mates and i really dont wanna get back into it. It messed me up ...
A. 26 September 2009: Peer pressure is a very strong influence on people. When addicts attempt to become clean, one of the first things that is required of them is to stay away from their old friends who use, or people who are using because the temptation is usually ... (read in full...)
Why can't women have young lovers?
Q. I am an attractive 40 year old woman currently in a relationship with a 24 year old strapping young jock. We initially hit it off as friends while playing on a co-ed softball team together. Then went out with a group and ours eyes met and have been ...
A. 26 September 2009: It depends. If you are only getting the kicks out of this, then spare his heart by keeping at a distance. If you have simiar feelings, then go for it.
I've always thought that if you are secure with yourself, then who gives a shit what othe... (read in full...)
How are we supposed to date if he wants won't contact me...should I just move on?
Q. To make a VERY long story short, Me and ex were together for 2 years...so in love...moved in with each other...relationship went downhill, I had my own insecurities and I was clingy and jealous. He has his...needs video games, sports, friends, etc. ...
A. 26 September 2009: You admitted that you had clingy and jealous problems in this relationship. This is probably an indication of it. If he is going to honestly try and change, then you should as well.
Yes, back off for a while. It will be your first test.... (read in full...)
Do I give my ex bf another chance?
Q. I asked for advice at the beginning of this year when i had split with my ex boyfriend. I was in heartache and agony and was spiralling out of control, i had lost over a stone in weight when i discovered he'd been texting other women. this all ...
A. 26 September 2009:
If you were up front about not being sure you wanted to get back with the ex, then what you did was not cheating. And, even you were lying through your teeth, then the reality is that he did the same damn thing.
Considering the past, if anyon... (read in full...)
Is it common for a woman to go through a period of promiscuity/sexual experimentation?
Q. Is it common for a woman to go through a period of promiscuity/sexual experimentation in her young adult life. My girlfriend of six months told me she had been with 5 guys in six months her senior year of college. The last one she dated for 6 ye...
A. 25 September 2009: Sure is very normal. Especially in college. Look at it this way. It's better she did it then and not have the curiousity gnawing at her while she's with you.
This might help as well. I went to answer bag and your gf in very low in numbers ... (read in full...)
Do I have a disorder?
Q. I'm a 15 years old and I don't remember the last time I was truly happy. Sure, I laugh and I smile but I can't remember what true happiness is like. I haven't felt it in a long time. I don't have a bad life, I think I am a good looking girl and...
A. 25 September 2009: There are many things that could be causing your pain right now. Ask you parents to take you to see a therapist. There is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. I have had problems in my past and a therapist was able to help. They will talk with ... (read in full...)
I feel my boyfriend's mother is overstepping a little with our plans for the baby!
Q. I don't know if i'm thinking to deep into this matter or wether or not i have some valied resson for concern. Me and my partner are expecting are first child in a few months but frew out the whole pregnancy I have had some concern as to wether or ...
A. 25 September 2009: I think you understand the problem and are very justified in feeling she is over stepping. You understand that the grandmother is going to be excited. And, her help is going to be appreciated, you being a new mum and all. You need t... (read in full...)
I don't have what it takes to keep this marriage going...
Q. Hello all. I really need some help on this. My husband and I have been together about 12 years. We have been married for 8. I am 29 years old and my husbamd is 32. I am going to try and cut to the short version but this is still going to be kind ...
A. 25 September 2009: So its leave or go to therapy. Since you are not even sure you want to go to therapy, perhaps seperate for a while and think about it more to see exactly how you feel away from him. However if you do decide to go to therapy you've got th... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's past haunts me every day
Q. Ok I love my girlfriend very much but her past haunts me everyday. I know of 6 of her past encounters. She has told me about all of them. One she had slept with the lead singer of a band. Another she told me recently that she had gotten so ...
A. 24 September 2009: You need to understand that a lot of people this day and age have had sex with other people. Casual sex is fine provided she was not in a relationship with someone and was cheating on them. I would be worried about myself if this were the case (and ... (read in full...)
Do you think it is worth it to forgive someone who did this to you?
Q. I have been dating a girl for 3 years. We graduated college and had a long distance relationship. In this time she broke up with me for someone else. Im am pretty sure she cheated on me before she broke up with me for this other person. Well ...
A. 24 September 2009: The biggest question then is was this experience enough for her to see that you are "the one." Unfortunately, you will never know until you get married. But, first now you have to decide if she is the one. And, this issue makes marriage something ... (read in full...)
Do you think it is worth it to forgive someone who did this to you?
Q. I have been dating a girl for 3 years. We graduated college and had a long distance relationship. In this time she broke up with me for someone else. Im am pretty sure she cheated on me before she broke up with me for this other person. Well ...
A. 24 September 2009:
In order for you guys to make it work, you need to forgive the action and re-build trust. It's not necessarily once a cheater always a cheater. You need to believe this or you have no chance.
Does she have to earn your trust again.... (read in full...)
Relationship of three years and finding sexual texting from other women,
Q. Hello, I have been with my b/f for 3 years, We have been living together for a little bit over a year. Recently (4 1/2 months ago) I found texts from women on his phone to him. One girl wrote " No I wont allow it! Do what you want to do but I...
A. 24 September 2009: Ok, something is not right at all. The no sex thing, yet still cuddles and kisses is making me wonder where his sexual energy is being released? Obviously he could be masturbating, or it could be with someone else. I get this sense that ... (read in full...)
What exactly do I do when I play with his penis?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for not more than a year. I love him dearly and I want to satisfy his every need. He says I do but he always get horny on his own. He does most of the foreplay and I feel bad because I want to play with his penis but ...
A. 23 September 2009: Like what caring guy said only I'll elaborate a little more...Every guy masturbates their own particular way. They've done it for years. There is a certain way they grip it, certain way they stroke, certain pauses etc.
Ask him to masturbate in f... (read in full...)
First time sex worries!
Q. I just had sex for the first time and we used a condom, but it slipped for a second and we both decided to put it back on the right way of course, he didnt ejaculate and we didnt do much intercourse action, but i was just wondering about it and ...
A. 23 September 2009: What the experts say...http://www.sexetc.org/faq/pregnancy/1078 Any time a girl and a guy have vaginal intercourse, there's a risk of pregnancy. No time of the month is completely safe. The problem is, ovulation can happen at different times ... (read in full...)
What should I do about him?
Q. hi i am a 20 year old female and have been seeing my boyfriend for four years. we broke up about 11 months ago and things got a little crazy between us with fighting and that but about two months ago we ended up what i thought was patching things ...
A. 23 September 2009: Assuming that your boyfriend is about your age since you would have started seeing him when you were 16, this means that he is in the prime of his life in regards to being single. Young man w/ experience on the market. He is probably enjoying the ... (read in full...)
Relationship of three years and finding sexual texting from other women,
Q. Hello, I have been with my b/f for 3 years, We have been living together for a little bit over a year. Recently (4 1/2 months ago) I found texts from women on his phone to him. One girl wrote " No I wont allow it! Do what you want to do but I...
A. 23 September 2009: Keep in mind that people who cheat lie about it. If they are sneaky enough to cheat, then lying is nothing to them. Since the reality of a person cheating on you is something that is very painful, your mind does not want to believe the trut... (read in full...)
I can't get over my love affair! What do I do?
Q. Ok so Ive been with this guy for 7 years. Im 26 and hes 32. Everything has been ok between us. We have our ups and downs. There has always been problems in the communications department. Its like we argue instead of talk all the time. We are like ...
A. 22 September 2009: You'll never get over this guy, especially with your fiancee who lacks in so much in your eyes compared to 'Brian.' Right now Brian is 'perfect' to you and when you end it on 'perfect' then how can you ever completely get over him. You can only ... (read in full...)
I'm a little obsessed with this one girl so should I ask her out?
Q. Okay I'm a 14 year old girl and recently I have found out that I'm a little obsessed with this one girl in my school. Last year I thought it was because I was jealous that she was prettier than me, and this obsession has been there since I first met ...
A. 22 September 2009: You need to be very very careful how you approach this. I looked some things up for you and here is what I found. About 6 percent of American teen-agers are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered, according to most estimates, and 83 percent r... (read in full...)
Do you think my boyfriend has a drink problem?
Q. Do you think my bf has a drinking problem? I am quite worried about him for his own health, as well as our relationship because his drinking habits is placing alot of stress on it. We have been in a relationship for 5 months, and I...
A. 21 September 2009: I've had expeience w/ drug and alcohol abuse. Your boyfriend is an alcoholic for sure. No questions asked. I like what all rythm said. Very good insight and advice. Since you have only been in this relationship for 5 months, I personally would... (read in full...)
I gave him bj but he couldn't stay hard and didn't cum
Q. hey i have this boyfriend.. we have been together for 2 years and we havent had sex till now... i am not quite ready for it and well my guy hasnt pressured me either... which is nice. we are both virgins and we are both 23. yesterday was ...
A. 21 September 2009: Ok, my brother had similar problems so what I am about to say is based on knowledge and a proven method that worked for him.... That said...Like my brother, your boyfriend is a late bloomer in regards to sex. Bro not only had a problem with ere... (read in full...)
Should I ask her out anyway after what she even told me tonight?
Q. :RECAP: - http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-ask-her-out-again-after-all.html Last week I asked if I should ask out an EX after 8 years of not seeing other and divorces on both sides. We have been talking for the last week and a half and...
A. 21 September 2009: My gut is telling me that she is setting you up for the friend thing. However, there are mixed signals. The problem is that you are getting back with her during the divorce stage which is relatively recent. She says that she is scared about being ... (read in full...)
How are we supposed to make ends meet?
Q. I have 3 boys 11,14,17..they are all good boys..but i cant feed them..they eat to much and me and my husband cant support them..we rent a home and work work work to feed and cloth them and provide for them but they are always hungry and need stuff ...
A. 21 September 2009:
You need to analyze all of your families cost and this has to be thorough. If you have access to a spreadsheet program like MS Excel, this is the easiest way to do it (www.openoffice.org has a free office suite that I use.) If not, pen and pape... (read in full...)
Did my honesty ruin our chances of being together again?
Q. hi, my ex boyfriend and I have been apart for a month now. i saw him yesterday and asked if we could go for coffee some time. he said, yes. i later called him and was honest about my feelings. i told him that i wanted to take baby steps and maybe ...
A. 20 September 2009: You can't go back and change the past. You can only deal with what has happened. I see more positive than negative in regards to what happened.
Did you ruin your chances with this guy? Time will tell if you even had a chance. If this would ha... (read in full...)
The child will be a constant reminder of his cheating!
Q. I met my fiancé when i was 18 years old.He is the only man i have known.We dated for 2 years but then he got a scholarship to go to america for his post grad.For five years we have been in along distance relationship.He has been coming home each ...
A. 20 September 2009: You need to go see a therapist both alone and as a couple. What you are dealing with are very strong emotions that involve infedelity (like I need to say that one right.) You face a harder path because you will have the child as a constant... (read in full...)
What should I send the girl online that I like? I was thinking flowers or a stuffed animal..
Q. I met this girl online and we have been chatting for almost a year now. I really care about her and I want to do something special for her. She lives about half an hour away and we have been planning to meet, but I want to do something before we do. ...
A. 20 September 2009: Since you have been talking to her for a year, then think of something that she has told you that she really really likes...then, base the gift around this. Getting a stuffed animal? What kind of animals does she like? Some people like frogs, cats, ... (read in full...)
Am I blowing this out of proportion? I really want to get a divorce because I feel like this is going to be a never ending pattern
Q. OK well i have been married for two years in october and total time together will be 3yrs. My husband is a solider and we got married before he went to iraq. After seven month when he got a 2 week break everything was fine and loving but he used my ...
A. 20 September 2009: I think you know the answer to this one. It is a hard reality to face, but this guy is cheating something fierce. I see this guy lying to you and telling you what you want to hear, but the reality is that his patterns speak for themselves.
Are ... (read in full...)
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