Like what
he writes?
... Add *andleman to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *andleman a private message | | | *andleman's profile:Hi,
My wife got me into this site. It got addictive.
The best attributes I have to help people are my instincts and ability to see all sides of a problem. Most of the questions I answer require an analytical logic which is my strength.
I approach most of these questions w/ a Darwinist outlook as human nature, though it is varied, often times repeats the same patterns, has the same motives etc.
I'm middle aged (37), and I have experienced a lot from heartache, loneliness, love, death, addiction etc. I've met a lot of people, heard a lot of stories and can remember a lot.
I'm very open minded and would call myself a Darwinist Liberal (I think I just coined a new term there.)
I also like helping people. I've spent an hour on one question before. I'll look things up on websites or books to get the information that might help another.
Well, thanks for reading. Best Wishes |
|
In love with my best friend, she's getting engaged. Do I tell her or not?
Q. hi there everyone..first of all, i'd like to thank all the people who actually take time in reading these posts. Your answers are usually very helpful and much appreciated. Ok so here goes. I'm in a real messed up situation. I'm in love with my best ...
A. 15 October 2009: Chetz,
I recommend getting her alone, not in a public place. Invite her to dinner or something. Sit her down and tell her. Make it the first thing that you do. Don't string out the whole evening setting this up. The sooner you do it, the sooner i... (read in full...)
How do I make it obvious that I like this girl? I'm shy!
Q. My problem is little long. Well i am 20,still single. My first luv rejected,from then i never found any girl attractive till last week. I go to college, so there is this new girl in my class . I liked her a lot. Its kinda luv at first sight or ...
A. 9 October 2009: Find out if she has a boyfriend...
If you trust this friend, then perhaps tell him what's up and see if he'll back off and give you room. Other than that, then you just need to speak up. But, I would worry more about getting the key question... (read in full...)
Is this a sign of possessiveness?
Q. Hi, I've been out with this guy about 10 times. However, I wouldn't consider us to be "in a relationship" yet. Well, I just recently got out of a physically mentally and emotionally abusive relationship, so I'm really sensitive about things. Wh...
A. 9 October 2009: Not enough information to determine something like that. It seems very innocent to me. Given your past, you're probably being paranoid.
Remember, not every guy is going to be like your past asshole. You gotta keep your guard up in life, but ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for a woman to ask a man out?
Q. I have another question, is it wrong for woman to ask man out on a date? Does it start a cycle of a woman taking the male role in the relationship?...
A. 8 October 2009: Story... My mom's first cousin had the hots for this guy. (I'll never forget this night.) She gets up the courage and calls him on the phone. They chat for a few and she asks him out on a date....
End of story....They have been married 15 years.... (read in full...)
Why am I attracted ONLY to older MEN?
Q. Hi there, The thing is I'm not coming here for professional advise, but for some educated opinions, and maybe a parallel to one's own experience (if there are any). I did seek some help on this issue when I was an undergrad and my school therapist...
A. 8 October 2009: Sorry no epiphany.
My wife- she is 27
She is attracted to older guys as well. There's 10 years between us and she has expressed attraction to guys who are older on numerous occaisions.
Also, her cousin who is 21 is the same way. Sh... (read in full...)
She wants to go travelling and I'm having a hard time with it
Q. Hi, My gf of 7 months has just dropped a big bomb on me out of nowhere, she says she wants to go travelling for a year, her friend who has been travelling has put some ideas into her head that it would make her more confident and happy in herself...
A. 8 October 2009: Why his words and not yours....
He provided a solution that is appealing to her. Did you ever suggest traveling for a year to find herself? If you never did, then you didn't say the same things as he did. Sure all the points about facing y... (read in full...)
Is she just not that interested, or is there something else going on?
Q. I recently met this girl over the summer.shes a single mom with a rough past.Im a single man with a baby on the way. shes also living alone and struggling.(had to put that out there)At first she seemed only somewhat interested IN ME ,but as time ...
A. 8 October 2009: I think she entertained the idea of getting involved with you, but then decided that she really doesn't want this right now. I wouldn't take it personally, all the compliments that she gave you, the fact that she brought you over to her place wh... (read in full...)
How can I acheive an orgasm?
Q. I am a young woman, and a lesbian, and I've never had an orgasm. I have tried with both just myself, my partner, and even with a vibrator to see if clitoral stimulation would work, but I get no pleasurable feelings from it, it only feels weird, in a ...
A. 7 October 2009: Howdy. I always send people this site because it provides a wealth of information. Anything that I would suggest would just be copying what these people have put together.
See the side bar for Sexual Arousal and Orgasm
http://www.th... (read in full...)
My g/f's ex is threatening to kill us!
Q. Hi, I have this huge issue my girlfriends ex keep hassling her and me saying he wont leave us alone and threatening to kills us...........But this ex was also a friend we expect to get married one day..........me and my girl pls advice on how to...
A. 7 October 2009: Self-defense is always good. I would personally look at legal actions that could be taken. I'm not sure about Sri Lanka's laws, but you should inquire to the police or a lawyer to see what your options are.
In the states we have prot... (read in full...)
He's accepted a job that will keep him away from home for 4 weeks at a time; I'm afraid he'll look at porn while he's gone
Q. My husband recently accepted a job (without my opinion) that will keep him away for 30 days at a time versus coming home every 2 weeks as he did before. He works on a riverboat with men only and with this new job, I will only see him for a total of ...
A. 7 October 2009: I agree w/ two cents in that the real issue you seem to have is the amount of time that your husband is going to be away. That is a hell of a long time to be seperate from one another in a marriage...8 out of 12 months.
From a guys pers... (read in full...)
I can't stand his ex!
Q. I am obsessed with my partners ex girlfriend. I keep on looking at her web site, her facebook and myspace account. I call her on private number and text her pretending to be someone else to try and get information and to make her think that i don't ...
A. 6 October 2009: The biggest problem you have is your self-esteem. I'm not sure if you had self-esteem problems prior to your partner leaving you. One thing is for sure is that the trauma of your partner leaving you for this other person destroyed your ... (read in full...)
My husband is really in to gay porn
Q. My husband and I have been married 3 years, our sex life started out strong and wild...He asked me to buy a strap on and play the man with him. I have been against porn and he knows this. I caught him buying porn and it almost ended our ...
A. 5 October 2009:
In order to determine if your husband is gay or bi is whether or not he is aroused by women. I am not talking about intensity, if he is sexually aroused by women, then he is bi. This doesn't mean that just because he has sex with you that he i... (read in full...)
How do I prepare myself for anal sex?
Q. Well i wanna have anal sex but im scared to.... Ive tried b4 but i think with just the little that the head has gone in it riped the sides and now every time i use the rr i sorta bleed but im scared more of the way it feels when the whole penis goes ...
A. 5 October 2009: Howdy, I love this website I am sharing. It is full of excellant information. http://www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/fr_index.htm ... (read in full...)
How can I ignore other people telling me it won't work out?
Q. hi, My girlfriend and I are very serious about each other and wish to get married one day but there are a few people saying dont take it really seriously one of yourll might get hurt cause we have a long way to go.We have a plan to get married ...
A. 5 October 2009: I reposted what I said before because it is the best advice I feel I can give you. Remember, you two control your future, not other people. The bad part about negative words and negative thoughts is that they can eventually win out. I... (read in full...)
What does it mean when he constantly pulls his pants up when he's around you?
Q. Just a quick Q..... What does it mean when a man constantly pulls his pants up when hes near you? I talk to this man and about 70% of the time hes pulling up his pants or adjusting them (hes not wearing them so low they show his boxers....)...
A. 5 October 2009: It could be what caring guy said. It could also be just nervous behavior which means he is either insecure generally or you are making him feel insecure which would be a sign that he might feel something towards you.... (read in full...)
How can I ignore other people telling me it won't work out?
Q. hi, My girlfriend and I are very serious about each other and wish to get married one day but there are a few people saying dont take it really seriously one of yourll might get hurt cause we have a long way to go.We have a plan to get married ...
A. 4 October 2009: I'm still having a hard time trying to get the full picture. I read your past post and from what I gather, you have two people, her ex and a mutual friend.
The ex and mutual friend are saying that he didn't cheat on her along with a bunch of othe... (read in full...)
21 year old son in over his head
Q. Please help, I think my 24 year old son is in over his head. In July of this year my son met a girl who he started dating, in September he told me that he wanted to buy a new house in a town 30 minutes from us, I figured it was because his new ...
A. 4 October 2009: It seems like the girl is repeating the same pattern as before. She never learned her lesson. Hopefully your son is not going to learn the same lesson.
You obvioulsy love your son very much, and you've done your duty as a parent to voice va... (read in full...)
How can I ignore other people telling me it won't work out?
Q. hi, My girlfriend and I are very serious about each other and wish to get married one day but there are a few people saying dont take it really seriously one of yourll might get hurt cause we have a long way to go.We have a plan to get married ...
A. 4 October 2009: Well the ex boyfriend is easy to understand why HE would say such things. Forget about it. He is hurting from the loss, of course he will say such things because it did not work out with him. He is jealous. What can you expect from him? The othe... (read in full...)
21 year old son in over his head
Q. Please help, I think my 24 year old son is in over his head. In July of this year my son met a girl who he started dating, in September he told me that he wanted to buy a new house in a town 30 minutes from us, I figured it was because his new ...
A. 4 October 2009: Well ma'am it seems like your son was with this women while she was married for it to have taken this fast. Either that, or he is thinking with his heart and not his mind (probably a bit of both.) You need to talk to him to see if he has been see... (read in full...)
Was I just convenient at the time for him?
Q. i was with a guy for at least three months and we were not an official couple because he was the coach of my volleyball team and we did not want the other team members to find out as it would be very complicated. Then there was the fact that his ...
A. 4 October 2009: My insticts are saying that you are getting played. One is never sure in life, but I definately would put my heart on hold and when the guy comes back push for more time. If you keep getting the same type of excuses then you know what's up. Wh... (read in full...)
In love with my best friend, she's getting engaged. Do I tell her or not?
Q. hi there everyone..first of all, i'd like to thank all the people who actually take time in reading these posts. Your answers are usually very helpful and much appreciated. Ok so here goes. I'm in a real messed up situation. I'm in love with my best ...
A. 3 October 2009: I don't know. There's a big difference between looking at someone as a potential boyfriend and someone as a friend. What you described as far as a massage and shaking her shoulders is really hard to put a label on. It could be one or the other. ... (read in full...)
How can I ignore other people telling me it won't work out?
Q. hi, My girlfriend and I are very serious about each other and wish to get married one day but there are a few people saying dont take it really seriously one of yourll might get hurt cause we have a long way to go.We have a plan to get married ...
A. 3 October 2009: Now don't get paranoid here. I'm a logical person and I tend to look at all facets that come to my mind.
The first thing that I would want to know is why they say these sorts of things? Maybe there is something they know that you need to know ... (read in full...)
In love with my best friend, she's getting engaged. Do I tell her or not?
Q. hi there everyone..first of all, i'd like to thank all the people who actually take time in reading these posts. Your answers are usually very helpful and much appreciated. Ok so here goes. I'm in a real messed up situation. I'm in love with my best ...
A. 3 October 2009: Here's the deal. If you tell her and she doesn't share the same vibe, then you're probably going to lose your friendship. That, and the ripple effect w/ mutual friends could ruin these friendships as well. Consider what life will be like if you ask ... (read in full...)
Can anyone help me figure out my sexual orientation?
Q. I'm looking for some help in figuring out my sexual orientation. Here's the deal: I've always almost exclusively fantasized about women. When I fantasize about heterosexual sex, my imagination will always be focused on the woman. I imagine being ...
A. 3 October 2009: Story about a girl before my wife....
She was a 33yo optometrist, tall, blond and beautiful. My work took me into her office and I find her attractive, ask her out on a date. We go out on a date. Through the conversation I come to learn th... (read in full...)
Is he too scared to get involved again?
Q. I am "just friends" with a man who I dated for three months time over a year ago. He is a full time father of his daughter for two weeks at a time, alternating with his ex for two weeks. Everything started beautifully and we ended up sleeping ...
A. 3 October 2009: Everyone heals differently. The amount of time that has elapsed from his divorce does appear to be a long enough time for him to have healed enough over the feelings for his wife. Obviously, maybe not, but a year and something is a pretty long ... (read in full...)
We haven't done anything sexual, but she wants to see my penis!
Q. Me and my girl friend are close..we're both 15 and we've been going out for a month. We havent done anything sexual and im not pressuriing her..shes not pressuring me either. We just hug,kiss/makeout/and cuddle. But lately she's been wanting to see ...
A. 3 October 2009: Hey buddy. It's not because you are boring that she is wanting to see it. She is seeking to explore her sexuality, and this is one of the next steps in her eyes. In fact, if anything, this just means she is really into you.
I remember a friend o... (read in full...)
Why does he want to sleep with me now that he's married?
Q. Dear All, I have a problem 14 years ago I was in love and thought I had meet the man who would one day make me his wife. We spent 5 years together and had a child, both of us being young and all we made some stupid choose cheating etc.... The ...
A. 3 October 2009: Considering the fact that the guy just got married, and I mean just got married means that what he is after is sex and sex alone.... (read in full...)
Help! More period problems...
Q. Hello. I'm a girl of 15. I got my first period back when I was 10 (10 and a half years old actually) but still they don't come regularly. I get my period once in 1 and half or 2 months, sometimes even 2 and a half. Is it ok for it to still be irreg...
A. 2 October 2009: My wife used to have very irregular periods with time frames like you listed. She had periods 2.5 from previous ones.
I looked up some info for you and the only condition that I saw was when the period didn't come on AT LEAST 3 months w/ out ... (read in full...)
We have been dating but I found him back online asking to meet up with other women!
Q. Ok here goes Typical story, one of which I have not been in before and kinda need advice I met a guy around 3 months ago from a site. Chatted for a good while and then met up. Got on great and he asked to see me again. Had another date. Dat...
A. 1 October 2009: Sounds like you got some good inside information. Now he's either lieing to her, lieing to you or lieing to both of you.
Either way, he's a lier. However, considering the fact that there was not major a committment implied at the time, forg... (read in full...)
Why would he get an erection while we were out walking?
Q. I went for a walk with my boyfriend just like everyday we did in the evening. but yesterday i saw something from his pants. I do think that it was an erection. we are dating for 1 months now never kiss before just hold hand sometimes and he never...
A. 1 October 2009: From my experience,
Around 14 years old, I would get an erection at inopportune times. I'd be sitting in class praying the teacher didn't call me... riding the bus home from school, many times I would have to walk with my bookbag covering... (read in full...)
Am I being stood up? Or are the texts really not going through?
Q. First off, thank you all who take the time to read and respond to my question. I really appreciate it. Ok, so my ex-girlfriend and I have been split for about 3 weeks. She initiated the breakup so I agreed and went my separate way for about a week...
A. 1 October 2009: Now I've had text messages not go through, or been delayed in getting to the person. But... you wrote....
"So this morning I asked her if we were still on for today at 5, she said yes. 5 rolls around and I didn't hear anything."
She stood ... (read in full...)
He can't stand that I have a 'past' -- will every other guy be the same way?
Q. Are all men obsessed with their partner's past? My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. In the beginning everything was perfect, obviously. Until he asked about my past. It wasn't wild, I made out with some guys, had crushes on other...
A. 1 October 2009: You were a virgin when you met him right? I say let him go out and find out the past of just about all the girls out there. Geez, he'll be searching for a while to find a girl that only gave 1 bj and kissed some guys. Have him talk to h... (read in full...)
My girlfriend was drugged and raped and I blame myself.
Q. I am 20 and my girlfriend is 18, We have been dating since high school. I go to college in a town that is 4 hours away from our home town. Last April during our last week of school I invited (begged) her to come down and attend the last class bash ...
A. 1 October 2009: I can sit here and rattle off all the reasons why you should not feel guilty. Other people will tell you why on this forum, so I'm gonna spare this. I personally feel you should not feel guilty, and I hope the guy that did this (the one who should ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for attached guys to flirt with other women via email?
Q. I need a mans point of view please. My question is: Do guys write/email etc.. other girls in a flirting/even inappropraite way even when your in a relationship with another? Is it an ego thing? Do guys usually intend on something to happen or...
A. 1 October 2009: No, never, not at all. I'd be seeing a divorce lawyer if my wife caught me doing something like that.... (read in full...)
I want a second date but don't want to be a stalker chick!
Q. I had one date with this guy - in early August. We played phone tag until Sept. 8. He'd leave me a voicemail, I'd call back and leave another voicemail. We just couldn't seem to connect. He used a company cell phone, then he quit his job. He must ...
A. 30 September 2009: You need to change your name from glutton4punishment to something more appropriate!!!!
I would like to apologize for being harsh and very, very wrong. I was only being honest in how I felt. I learned something from this experience as well.
... (read in full...)
Can anyone make any sense of this???
Q. I am in desperate need of advice. I began seeing this girl back in the winter of 2007. We became official before christmas of 07 on the phone when she was in her hometown. She called me and asked me what we were because some guy was 'chasing her...
A. 30 September 2009: Sorry man, I can't put a positive spin on this.
You don't love the girl, hell, I'd venture to say you don't really like her when you analyze her personality. She's unstable, lying and desperate. Trusting her would be virtually impossib... (read in full...)
Has anyone tried Eharmony and does it work?
Q. Just wondering? Has anyone tried Eharmony? Does it work? Or are they just a bunch of guys looking to get laid like plentyoffish?...
A. 30 September 2009: I actually found my wife through an online dating service 8 years ago. I didn't try E harmony at the time, rather went through aol's love which was linked to match.com. At one point, my wife and I were having problems and it looked like we we... (read in full...)
Was I right to break up with him over abortion?
Q. Hi everyone, I was on here recently discussing an issue I was having with my boyfriend of six months. He doesn't like to spend time with my family and friends, and said he doesn't want to. http://www.dearcupid.org/quest...
A. 30 September 2009: I read all the previous post and this current one. It seems this last issue touches on the ultimate breaking point you could have in this relationship. Back to the previous post.... Now as far as this guy not being the social butterfl... (read in full...)
What are you meant to do if the guy you like finally notices you?
Q. Omg. I really need someones help. What are you meant to do if the guy you like (whos drop dead gorgeous, 2 years above you.. in sixth form and perfect) actually finally notices you? He was flirting with me at my brothers 18th (not verbally, but ...
A. 30 September 2009: Since this guy was asking your phone number, look his number up and call him. Or, find his address and mail him a letter with your number.
Forget about the whole wait for the guy to make the move, someone else could come along tonight and you ... (read in full...)
How can I tell if I'm tight enough?
Q. im always self conscious that im not, excuse me here, "tight" enough for my boyfriend. im gona be 16 soon and hes 3 years older. hes not that big, just average, but everytime we have sex or he fingers me, i feel like im not as tight as i should be. ...
A. 29 September 2009: One thing to consider is that you can tighten your vagina on your own. The action that you use to cut off your pee will also tighten your vagina during sex. To explain more...when you pee and you want to stop the flow, you squeeze inside...do this ... (read in full...)
He cant get over his ex fiancee and wont let me in
Q. okay, so my boyfriend and i broke up 4 days ago. This is a really confusing story - so try to stick with me... I moved back to my home town, after living in the city for 3 months, and when i got home, my bestfriend - Whitney* and i hung out ...
A. 29 September 2009: I see your problem...
1. Liam- still going through the break-up emotions of a long relationship....heart not really ready to commit to anything new, or having difficulty doing so...
2. Ex-best friend/Liam's roomie- bitching bitching bitchin... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's past haunts me every day
Q. Ok I love my girlfriend very much but her past haunts me everyday. I know of 6 of her past encounters. She has told me about all of them. One she had slept with the lead singer of a band. Another she told me recently that she had gotten so ...
A. 29 September 2009: Brian,
Read my post again man, I called it. Welcome to the wonderful world of love. And, hey, there are going to be times that her past is going to bug you, when it does, have those words she said written down and read them again to remind y... (read in full...)
I want a second date but don't want to be a stalker chick!
Q. I had one date with this guy - in early August. We played phone tag until Sept. 8. He'd leave me a voicemail, I'd call back and leave another voicemail. We just couldn't seem to connect. He used a company cell phone, then he quit his job. He must ...
A. 28 September 2009: Here's how I see it...
Likelyhood of he just doesn't want to go out again for what ever reason..... 98% Why...the phone tag (?was it?) and he easily could have gotten your number off his phone had he really desired to prior to turning it in....
... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's past haunts me every day
Q. Ok I love my girlfriend very much but her past haunts me everyday. I know of 6 of her past encounters. She has told me about all of them. One she had slept with the lead singer of a band. Another she told me recently that she had gotten so ...
A. 24 September 2009: You need to understand that a lot of people this day and age have had sex with other people. Casual sex is fine provided she was not in a relationship with someone and was cheating on them. I would be worried about myself if this were the case (and ... (read in full...)
| *andleman's friends
These are mutual friends, so *andleman has
added them and they have added *andleman!
|
