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... Send *andleman a private message | | | *andleman's profile:Hi,
My wife got me into this site. It got addictive.
The best attributes I have to help people are my instincts and ability to see all sides of a problem. Most of the questions I answer require an analytical logic which is my strength.
I approach most of these questions w/ a Darwinist outlook as human nature, though it is varied, often times repeats the same patterns, has the same motives etc.
I'm middle aged (37), and I have experienced a lot from heartache, loneliness, love, death, addiction etc. I've met a lot of people, heard a lot of stories and can remember a lot.
I'm very open minded and would call myself a Darwinist Liberal (I think I just coined a new term there.)
I also like helping people. I've spent an hour on one question before. I'll look things up on websites or books to get the information that might help another.
Well, thanks for reading. Best Wishes |
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Am I blowing this out of proportion? I really want to get a divorce because I feel like this is going to be a never ending pattern
Q. OK well i have been married for two years in october and total time together will be 3yrs. My husband is a solider and we got married before he went to iraq. After seven month when he got a 2 week break everything was fine and loving but he used my ...
A. 20 September 2009: I think you know the answer to this one. It is a hard reality to face, but this guy is cheating something fierce. I see this guy lying to you and telling you what you want to hear, but the reality is that his patterns speak for themselves.
Are ... (read in full...)
Help me...I don't want to end up an old spinster!!
Q. Ok. This is really hard for me. I am 28, and I have never had a serious relationship. I have had two boyfriends, neither of which was a sexual relationship. I live at home due to the fact that I am studying for a postgraduate degree, so canno...
A. 20 September 2009: When you are feeling low... tell yourself what you've said here...
You said that you are intelligent, independent and have good looks.
You are studying to get a masters degree which means you will get a decent job when you are done. Yo... (read in full...)
Any suggestions on how to get a life?
Q. Im 23 with no life. When I say no life, I mean no life. While everyone my age is out enjoying their selves, doing things that young people do. I'm home, watching reruns, hating my life. Any suggestions on how to change this?...
A. 20 September 2009: Are you good at anything? Art, sports, poetry etc. If there is anything then look for clubs or meetings of like minded people. You're more likely to enjoy things you are good at doing.
If you do not know anything that you are good at, then thin... (read in full...)
Married for 8 years, and I don't love him any more.
Q. I've been married for 8 years but I am no longer in love with my husband I love him but only as the father of my son and has been this way for some time, I always felt we are two very different people and we never seem to agree in any issue, he ...
A. 19 September 2009: The reality is that if you stay together, then you will leave when your kids are grown. So its 13 years of hell, or plan your escape now. The obvious question is how much support can you get from this other man? Is it justified to count on him ... (read in full...)
I need to shed the toxic pain from this relationship
Q. hey i broke up with a girl about a year ago who i had some pretty strong feelings for. the relationship wasn't the healthiest one from the start, my ex wanted to have an open relationship and i didn't, but i really liked her so i went with it. ...
A. 19 September 2009: You understand what you need to do, you only need to keep doing it and understand that it takes time man. But, don't contact this chick anymore, she's the root of the pain (you know this.)
You ever hear of Sceam Therapy. John and Yoko Ono... (read in full...)
B/f is battling depression so we talk rarely, what can I do for us?
Q. My boyfriend has stopped talking to me, it has been 2 weeks. He talks to me one day and then the next he dissapears. I asked him what was going on, why was he ignoring me all these days and he said it's because he is battling depression. I know that ...
A. 19 September 2009: I am going to write assuming that it is depression that is the underlying reason, though it could be other things like another woman, drug abuse etc. Depression is devastating having experienced this for myself. Given the distance that he... (read in full...)
Am I not turning him on, or he just not that interested in sex?
Q. I am in a new relationship and find that my partner has a very low sex drive and I am pushing (sometimes I feel too hard) to get him excited. We have sex maybe once a week and the other night I asked him to take off his pants so I could have a ...
A. 19 September 2009: It seems there are three types of reasons. 1. Emotional issues causing negative feeling towards sex. Could be one of many things like child sexual abuse, feeling of inferiority from past experiences, broken heart from past relationship, relig... (read in full...)
Should I stay for the sake of our child and lose my sanity or go?
Q. I'm married to an older man who I don't love, and probably never have. He kept throwing perks in my face and I took the bait. Now eight years later and a three year old I find myself depressed and wanting out. I sometimes feel like I'de rather be ...
A. 17 September 2009: My mother's parents stayed together because of her. She feels very bad about this, and as an adult, she wishes they would have divorced and found happiness with other people. You can try the traditional routes of therapy etc. but if he d... (read in full...)
What will make him come back?
Q. my boyfriend and I have been growing apart. he no longer does cute stuff anymore and hardly hangs out with me... when I asked him what was up he said he wanted to be in the relationship but sometimes her doesnt... he also admitted to me that he's ...
A. 17 September 2009: Do you understand what bi-polar means? This could explain what is going on with him. You should look up the definition of bi-polar on wikipedia as there are different types. The most common is when a person experiences emotional ups and downs and ... (read in full...)
I need advice for meeting her parents for the first time!
Q. Ok. I need some advice from you people out there willing to help me. So my GF finally decided to tell her parents about us, and surprisingly her dad didnt take it the way we thought he was going to. On the other hand, her mom was somewhat upset w...
A. 17 September 2009: You sound like a good kid. Be yourself. I guarantee you , it will not be as bad as you think it is going to be, but you will be glad when it is done. ... (read in full...)
Dating a man, and developing deep feelings for him, but the no sex thing has me confused!
Q. I have been dating a man for 6 weeks. He is very nice and I'm beginning to have deep feelings for him. The problem is, I don't know if he feels the same. He told me that in the past, he has had a tendency to get very involved very quickly. The ...
A. 17 September 2009: Unless the guy got hurt really bad or it was not long ago he got out of the last relationship, then it just seems like the fire is not there for this one.
What kind of kisses are they? How often do you hold hands? Have these decreased sinc... (read in full...)
Should I stay with him? Or is this just crazy?
Q. I met this guy on a Christian Dating site. I was sick of all the guys i had been dating, they were pressuring me into sex, i felt used and worthless. I'm a Christian, so i think - That's the problem, they don't share my faith! I had always wanted to ...
A. 17 September 2009: For starters, I am not a Christian, though I have family that are preachers and I was a born again at one point in my time. What you describe is something that I never was around when I was a dedicated Christian. If you found people that were truly ... (read in full...)
My boss is cheating with a co-worker and I wonder if I should tell his wife?
Q. My boss just got married a couple of weeks ago. We are friends outside work. We talk often and he has shared something with me and I do not know what I should do. He told me that he has been sleeping with one of our co-workers and now that he is ...
A. 17 September 2009: I would say not say anything that brings this to light as long as you are working with this person, especially if he is your boss. By informing, you threaten your job and future reference from this company, unless you go to his boss and inform him ... (read in full...)
15 and pregnant. I don't want to tell my dad as he doesn't know I have been seeing anyone.
Q. I'm pregnant and the guy wants me to keep it however he is 18 and I know it is illegal. I also don't want to tell my parents about it. The father and I have always talked about starting a life together once I leave school and have kids but he wants ...
A. 16 September 2009: You need to first consider can you live with having an abortion? Read support forums of people who have had abortions and see where they are coming from to try to gain insight. It will create feelings of extreme guilt most likely, and can you live ... (read in full...)
Am I about to marry the wrong guy?
Q. I was in a relationship with this guy at the age of 16.We used to go to highscool together.Later we went to the same college.Somehow it couldnt work between us . We kept coming up with things to quarrel about.I always felt that he did not give me ...
A. 16 September 2009: You say you impulsively told the guy you loved him (#2) and from the tone of your letter, your heart is not in it and therefore you should give this more time to search your feelings before getting married. Call off the wedding and tell the guy ... (read in full...)
Stay in my marriage that my heart isn't fully in or go with my ex I still have feelings for ?
Q. Part 1 - I have been married for almost ten years. Last year we almost got divorced 3 times. He has cheated several times and that's not even the worst of it. In my mind, I have every right to leave. He has tried really hard to make things up to me ...
A. 16 September 2009: How content are you with your current husband? What all does the relationship provide that you would suffer if you severed it and didn't have anybody to go to? If there isn't much then leave and follow your heart whether it is with your ex or ... (read in full...)
Would it be wrong to have a relationship with an older guy?
Q. Im 16 going to be 17 in the spring and ive always had "a thing" for this guy whos about 23 24.hes no stranger.My mom and his mom are bestfriends and known each other forever and ive known him since i was in like middle school.we've never really hung ...
A. 16 September 2009: Keep in mind that it is illegal for you two to do anything sexually. He could get into a lot of trouble. Unless your parents consent, then anything that you do would probably get him into a lot of trouble. He's aware of this no doubt.
Due ... (read in full...)
Newly married and found graphic texts on my hubby's phone!
Q. Just a month ago, I married the love of my life. We have been together for 5 years and I thought things were great. Now I am realizing that he is not faithful. He left his phone laying around one day and I read some of the text messages this ...
A. 16 September 2009: There are 1 of two things that are going on. 1. He's just doing this as a fantasy thing. No real contact involved just a vicarious relationship. He's probably going to say that this is what it is. (Is this true though?????) 2. He's screwing ar... (read in full...)
Why do I get the feeling I need to pee when I have sex?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend of over a year and a half. Everytime when we have sex, he always plays with my clit. But I keep getting the feeling like I'm going to pee or something and have to make him stop. He says that he wants to see if I would ...
A. 16 September 2009: You seem to be a potential squirter.
Female fluid released during orgasm. Allow yourself to let it go and when the fluid drains, its ok. Should be very intense. You can place towels under you if it bothers you. Here's a wiki reference to this... (read in full...)
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