| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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How do I handle this situation? My mother in law and sister in law chose to get my son's hair cut without our permission. Am I over-reacting? It will grow. It's the disrespect that irritates me
Q. Hello Agony aunts, I have a major issue that I need advice on. My husband and I have a 2yr old son. He is currently in our hometown visiting family. My mother n law and sister n law decided to get my son hair cut( this was his 2nd cut) without...
A. 29 June 2014: WTH?
Door isn't locked, chocolate is in the freezer, Come on over we can talk power structured relationships all night.
IMHO, and purely for my own defense and not to be of any help to the OP, this whole post has nothing to do with dominanc... (read in full...)
How do I handle this situation? My mother in law and sister in law chose to get my son's hair cut without our permission. Am I over-reacting? It will grow. It's the disrespect that irritates me
Q. Hello Agony aunts, I have a major issue that I need advice on. My husband and I have a 2yr old son. He is currently in our hometown visiting family. My mother n law and sister n law decided to get my son hair cut( this was his 2nd cut) without...
A. 28 June 2014: Apparently I'm the only "other person" who sees a 2 year old boys hair style as trivial. This is only a dominance issue if you make it one. I'd put my line in the sand somewhere else.
FA... (read in full...)
How do I handle this situation? My mother in law and sister in law chose to get my son's hair cut without our permission. Am I over-reacting? It will grow. It's the disrespect that irritates me
Q. Hello Agony aunts, I have a major issue that I need advice on. My husband and I have a 2yr old son. He is currently in our hometown visiting family. My mother n law and sister n law decided to get my son hair cut( this was his 2nd cut) without...
A. 28 June 2014: if you really cared about your son's future you would be cultivating a strong relationship with your in-laws rather than getting upset at pretended slights.
Your husband is right you over reacted. The real question here is what is behind this feel... (read in full...)
I caught my boyfriend on dating website with profile. He denies it. Do I tell him to take a hike?
Q. Hello So my bf of 3yrs was caught on a dating site. My friend happened to ne on the same site and alerted me. I confronted him and he had some lame excuse for being on it. I asked if he had met anyone off of there, and he said no of course. He sa...
A. 27 June 2014: "I seen he commented on one of his friends pictures that she was beautiful. I don't recall when hes last told me that. It hurt."
Stick a shovel in the ground, I bet you find dirt.
Not to be disrespectful, but you are out there looking for a reason... (read in full...)
Feeling conflicted about being in a relationship yet I don't want to break up. How do I resolve this?
Q. Hello agony aunts! I've never really opened up about this particular thing to anyone in fear of people judging me. Basically, I want to stay in a relationship but at the same time I really don't. I've been with my partner since I was 15 a...
A. 23 June 2014: Kitty,
There are two ways the advice for you could go. One would be to tell you that you are too young to be in the almost married relationship that you are in (BTW so is he) you are both 10 years from the average first marriage age in your coun... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex is vindictive and wants him to sign over the rights to his child.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Right after we got together he told me that his ex fling told him he had a son. They had a horrible relationship and before ending she told him she had already been with other people. Needless to ...
A. 17 June 2014: He needs a better lawyer. He should certainly get some much better representation before he goes back to court. Her inviting him back to court is probably a big mistake on her part. The ex can not get him out of her son's life just by giving up ... (read in full...)
Am I not floating his boat?
Q. Curiosity got the better of me......I met a guy on a dating website and we have been meeting regularly for approx 6 weeks .....I deleted my account as I can only concentrate on one person at a time but today I re-registered to see if he was still on ...
A. 15 June 2014: Well you have proof now that he isn't committed. And it's not paranoia if they really are out to get ya.
FA... (read in full...)
Do women find compression shorts sexy? I think I have a fetish for them
Q. I have this fetish for compression shorts which are like tights. They make me feel sexy and I also wear them under my regular shorts when I go for a jog or go to a gym for my workouts. They make me feel very sexy. I am shy of telling this side of ...
A. 13 June 2014: Most women prefer boxers for viewing. Having said that I don't care what the fashionistas say I wear what I like.
On to specifics. I'm balding. I refuse to follow the fashion of the day and shave my head. It's enough work to shave my face. If y... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's dad told him we were sleeping together! We aren't!
Q. I met my boyfriend's dad last year. We have been friends and that's the extent of the relationship. Recently his dad said in front of me and him that I have been sleeping with dad. Why would he say this? Now I have major issue with boyfriend. ...
A. 13 June 2014: "Is there anything else I can do to straighten this mess out?"
A humiliating kick in the crotch comes to mind. Get them together and read them the riot act, tell them you won't take this kind of treatment. Then give them a weekend and a six pack... (read in full...)
Am I not floating his boat?
Q. Curiosity got the better of me......I met a guy on a dating website and we have been meeting regularly for approx 6 weeks .....I deleted my account as I can only concentrate on one person at a time but today I re-registered to see if he was still on ...
A. 13 June 2014: To older than dirt,
I can't do that anymore. I have a restraining order and my club was confiscated.
FA
But seriously men see dating sites way differently than women do, and thus on-line relationships fail, also women of all classes, ages an... (read in full...)
I went into my boyfriend's mail and closed down all of his online dating accounts!
Q. So my boyfriend of one year has always had dating profiles since he was 13. (He is 21 now). He likes to talk to people though he's never met up with anyone from online since he just simply doesn't believe that something like love could come from ...
A. 11 June 2014: It worked, don't mess with it.
FA... (read in full...)
Help me relate to my difficult 4 yr old nephew who I rarely see.
Q. This may be a stupid question, but I need advice. I have no kids, my younger bro has 3 my sis has 2. My sisters youngest is a 4yo boy,X. He is very active like most 4 yr olds, and like most 4 yr olds he needs his parents, to the point of...
A. 11 June 2014: You are right in your analysis of the situation. You are not particularly good with little children. He is somewhat spoiled. You shouldn't correct him. (it is o k to identify rude behavior, "that was a rude thing to say" not "You are rude")
C... (read in full...)
How often should a boyfriend contact his girlfriend?
Q. This is probably really stupid but it's something that bothers me sometimes so I want some opinions, please. I saw my boyfriend, of 4 years, over the weekend. We don't live together but do plan on doing so in the future. We had a perfect weekend ...
A. 11 June 2014: A guy should contact his girlfriend as often as she needs it except . . . . .
- he should not contact her during work.
- he should not use a work phone for personal contacts.
- he should not ignore the friends he is with to stay in contact.
To... (read in full...)
I feel like I have had a snapshot of my B/f and his life and want out of the relationship.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend about 5 months now and over the last couple of weeks I have been staying at his while some major repairs are being done to my home. I noticed some 'odd' behaviours in my boyfriend (who is 39) right at the start when I ...
A. 10 June 2014: I'm no expert but I see things here I have seen before. Looks a bit like the autism spectrum but very high functioning. Also there may be some obsessive compulsive behavior there. In other words no you aren't crazy but he might be. I can't ... (read in full...)
He said he liked me, yet turned me down! What now?
Q. Hiya So I asked out this boy as a week before he said he liked me and I told him i liked him back!! When I asked him out he said he would think about it and tell me in next lesson so i waited and got all my hopes up! The he told me that he didn't w...
A. 9 June 2014: it seems to me that a large part of the problem may be the current assumption that if you go on one date then an exclusive relati9onship magically exists. Let's face it an exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend relationship contract is not going to be ... (read in full...)
Has my good guy friend gone crazy?
Q. A good guy friend confessed his feelings for me. He started off by hinting he had something to say, and that I had to promise it would not ruin our friendship. I replied that I had a feeling about what he wanted to say, and that he should rather not ...
A. 9 June 2014: No he hasn't gone crazy. I would say that a crazy situation exists. This is what you need to know:
He has feelings for you. Not expressing those feelings does not change the fact that they exist. His choice to express those feelings without your... (read in full...)
How do I incorporate light bondage into our sex life without freaking him out?
Q. my boyfriend and i enjoy loving, passionate, sex. the "kinkiest" thing we've ever done is role play. i get turned on by watching some pretty bondage videos. i like bondage, and have rape fantasies. i'm not ready to get too crazy (and honestly don't ...
A. 4 June 2014: Abelone,
You have more than one problem here. First he is uncomfortable with risky behavior, and second he seems to be developing a madonna complex on you. I'm more worried about the second than the first but knocking a hole in the madonna thin... (read in full...)
My ex who tried to ruin my relationship has contacted me. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want to hurt my partner. What should I do?
Q. Me and my ex broke up back in June after being together for a year and a half. We tried being friends but this proved impossible after I started seeing someone four months later. This lead to something of a bitter parting for us. She and her family ...
A. 2 June 2014: Thanks for the update. It does worry me some that you feel it is safer to reply than to ignore. You are right to continue to block whatever avenue she uses to contact you. It won't stop her from finding new pats but it sends the only message she ... (read in full...)
How long until I can add him back as a friend on FB?
Q. I got rejected by a guy a couple of weeks ago who I thought I really liked and I deleted him off facebook straight away. We haven't spoken since then and I've had time to realise now that I don't want him romantically, but I do want to be friends in ...
A. 1 June 2014: Sorry I'm a day late with this, your follow up indicates that you indeed will not be happy with a just friends relationship. You are using facebook as a toe in the door. There is no point in this. First face book is nothing. All it could mean in ... (read in full...)
How long until I can add him back as a friend on FB?
Q. I got rejected by a guy a couple of weeks ago who I thought I really liked and I deleted him off facebook straight away. We haven't spoken since then and I've had time to realise now that I don't want him romantically, but I do want to be friends in ...
A. 29 May 2014: Old guys opinion about social media.
The answer to your question is: you should wait until you have had a conversation with him and explained to him what you have so well communicated to us. Probably face to face but possibly on the phone. If h... (read in full...)
In love with my friend's sister -- what should I do?
Q. I am in love with my friends sister. I started liking her a couple of years ago and now I know I really like her a lot. I had planned to ask her to prom, but most of my friends said it wasn't a good idea. I was afraid that she was going to reject ...
A. 28 May 2014: Man up!
While there is nothing wrong with going to prom with a friend, there is something wrong with not being able to risk rejection by asking a cute girl out for ice cream. You will be in no worse situation if she rejects you. in fact you can ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't have much interest in sex
Q. What would you do if your spouse doesn't want to have sex with you? My relationship with my husband has been...different. Very early on in our marriage, in bed, he said to me, "Don't initiate sex. I'll initiate." Then, over the past ten years, ...
A. 28 May 2014: #1 get the book the sex starved marriage.
#2 Switch to the Talk about marriage forum
This problem is way more common than you think. You will find people both men and women who are in the same boat as you. They will help you.
FA... (read in full...)
My ex gets bored seeing his son and lets him down
Q. I try and try to encourage a relationship with my ex-boyfriend and our son, but every time he lets us both down. If he isn't drunk or high, he would rather be with his mates or just being a total waste of space. I'm passed the point of anger, ...
A. 28 May 2014: I'm going to back up everything honey has said and add a bit.
First legally you can't cut off visitation. Considering the addiction problems you could probably get supervised visitation. That to me would be a smart move. I also have no prob... (read in full...)
I obsess about how others think I look
Q. I have a few concerns in my way of thinking. I care way too much what others think about me. It's specifically what they think of my looks. Sadly I obsess about it. I think this may stem from my childhood. I was called ugly practically ever...
A. 26 May 2014: You are a beautiful person inside. It is wonderful that you work and care for your hair for so long, so that you can donate it. Your Husband sees that inner beauty shinning through. Husbands don't so much lie as they are blinded a bit by being in ... (read in full...)
He seems interested since I said I was getting a divorce
Q. There's a guy I am attracted to we talk every once in a while. Last December he introduced to the very close friend who is now his girlfriend. Only last month I told him that I will be getting a divorce. Now he seems interested in me but I am ...
A. 26 May 2014: Your thinking is correct, put off the date until your divorce is complete.... (read in full...)
She came across sexual and experienced, but she's a virgin?
Q. I'm confused at what the girl i'm dating told me yesterday, I don't judge her for it and never would but it doesn't make sense judging by her actions and the things she says that she is. She's very affectionate and feely with me, she'll roam her ...
A. 26 May 2014: can anybody tell me why it made me more attracted to her? I liked her already so much and want her to be my girlfriend, but as soon as she told me this my attraction to her was stronger?
Simple,she shared a secret with you. That is an inti... (read in full...)
I am planning on having sex outside my marriage
Q. Hello. I have been trying to ask this question for a few times because i am facing a situation in which i am undecided. I will talk honestly. Well i am married since 10 years. I have always loved to appreciate beautiful women. I particularly ...
A. 25 May 2014: You have good reason to be undecided. Part of which you have already explained. You do not trust your affair partner to stay emotionally detached. You are right. You are also letting your lust run away with you. You know it is only lust. Why ... (read in full...)
What is your "Ultimate Love Song"?
Q. Ok, totally frivolous, recreational question here... Recently a poster asked suggestions about love songs,.. I'd like to extend the question to know which is for you ,fellow Dear Cupiders, the Ultimate Love Song. Not the best, the most original...
A. 24 May 2014: I just listened to Time after time. Yes i should have included it but it was just so popular, you will note that I prefer stuff that is less overplayed.
... (read in full...)
What is your "Ultimate Love Song"?
Q. Ok, totally frivolous, recreational question here... Recently a poster asked suggestions about love songs,.. I'd like to extend the question to know which is for you ,fellow Dear Cupiders, the Ultimate Love Song. Not the best, the most original...
A. 23 May 2014: Following up all ready, Let me throw in a few runners up.
For crying out loud - Meatloaf Notable from the same artist, Two out of three ain't bad, and Rock and roll dreams come through.
I want you to want me - Cheap trick
Love is a battl... (read in full...)
What is your "Ultimate Love Song"?
Q. Ok, totally frivolous, recreational question here... Recently a poster asked suggestions about love songs,.. I'd like to extend the question to know which is for you ,fellow Dear Cupiders, the Ultimate Love Song. Not the best, the most original...
A. 23 May 2014: I'm just weird about music. During the final stages of courtship we had a song. Alone by Heart.
But it never made me feel the way that Cindy is describing here. Since we are here to answer Cindy's question the song that still gets me every time... (read in full...)
I'm engaged but don't want to get married or have kids! Do I break things off?
Q. I've been engaged for a couple of months now. My boyfriend and I had talked about marriage vaguely before, and, as I love him to bits, I had always been positive towards it. It didn't feel like a serious discussion, so I hadn't really thought about ...
A. 22 May 2014: So let e get this straight. You want to be with him forever, but you also want to be able to leave whenever you want? . . .
... (read in full...)
I'm not interested! How do I let him down?
Q. What should I do about this guy? I'm so upset:( So my older friend says I'm a good decent girl and very pretty so she gave my number to her husbands nephew and he's been calling me since. We've talked and I found out that he's a 31 year ...
A. 22 May 2014: You are not what he is looking for no matter what he thinks. Be nice to him and don't waste his time tell him right away.
In his status, 31 and single with no prospects, every one is trying to set him up whether he wants it or not.
FA... (read in full...)
After ten years we will be getting married ... IF we can agree on a venue!
Q. After 10 yrs of being together we finally have decided to get married this year but the problem is I want a church wedding and he wants a civil one. All girls dream is to walk along the isle with everyone watching and all he ever want is a simple c...
A. 21 May 2014: a Maldita,
Sometimes I look at a flag and I think I know which country it represents then I check and find out I'm completely wrong. So I went back and checked, and also checked your profile. I see I have advised you before.
The fact that you... (read in full...)
After ten years we will be getting married ... IF we can agree on a venue!
Q. After 10 yrs of being together we finally have decided to get married this year but the problem is I want a church wedding and he wants a civil one. All girls dream is to walk along the isle with everyone watching and all he ever want is a simple c...
A. 19 May 2014: In 10 years you have failed to communicate this? Or did you assume that he would just know this as it is "All girls dream". This particular dream is highly promoted by expensive venues in order to get silly girls to spend lots of money that a young ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my boyfriend, he won't forgive and forget...
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about four years. Two years ago, I cheated on him. My boyfriend is much older than me, and as far as I can remember our age difference had nothing to do with me cheating on him. I also have borderline personality ...
A. 14 May 2014: Don't bother with an ultimatum, they don't work. They really don't work if you aren't prepared to back them up.
I think you just wanted to talk to him about it. That's ok but not likely to change the issues that are keeping him where he is. ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my boyfriend, he won't forgive and forget...
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about four years. Two years ago, I cheated on him. My boyfriend is much older than me, and as far as I can remember our age difference had nothing to do with me cheating on him. I also have borderline personality ...
A. 14 May 2014: I want to add something here even though you have a lot of good advice. Like many young people you see this as what you want and how his feelings affect you. As a person older and Male I see this more from his point of view.
First thing, Peop... (read in full...)
Ijust want to feel like a princess for one day!
Q. Hi there I ask for help, because it is now bothering me for a long time. Please don't condemn me or tell me that I am ungrateful / behaving like a princess / looking to much of holywood films. I got this answers a lot and it doesn't help. Ma...
A. 12 May 2014: So often we get questions here regarding unfulfilled fantasies, and we answer that fantasies are most often better kept as fantasies. Frankly you will probably be disappointed should some day your husband get a clue and indulge you in this fantasy. ... (read in full...)
Is the lack of trust in this relationship fatal?
Q. I have been with the same man for three years...but before i met him i was married for 8 years to someone else. The man i was married to cheated and lied to me multiple times. It took me a long time to trust the man im currently with because of my ...
A. 5 May 2014: In my mind the lack of trust is exactly a lack of relationship. In other words, Trust is the stuff that relationships are made of.
On the other hand I'm a less than confident man. I often look for proof that I really am important to the peop... (read in full...)
Am I obligated to stay because he supported me through school?
Q. My husband of six years has a good heart, generally, and we have a three year old daughter together. I care about him a lot, but I can't stand living with him anymore. He is often very moody, controlling, and can have massive temper tantrums....
A. 5 May 2014: There are many ways this could be answered. It is a challenge as an Aunt / Uncle to pick the right advice. You start out by saying he has a good heart then go on to catalog his faults with some very strong words like Massive temper, and Abusive, ... (read in full...)
How can I get my boyfriend to trust living with me again?
Q. We've been together for almost a year and a half and lived together for 10mo. We've been having a lot of arguments and most of the time it is him misunderstanding something and having short tempers. His divorce finalized last December and he has one ...
A. 29 April 2014: So often writing out your question leads to your answer. Here is the important quote from your post. " I have no idea if this is going to make us stronger or is it just going to fade away slowly, im afraid. I moved out of my parents house to live ... (read in full...)
I had sex with my best friend, but she is married to somebody else!
Q. Hi everyone. Sorry, this is a bit of a long one. My best friend is female, we've been friends for about 10 years and she's married. The past couple of years, she's sank into depression. This is due in part to her husband never being there due ...
A. 29 April 2014: Quite simply, you have advanced an emotional affair to a physical affair. As natural as falling off a rock. There is now no question as to what your relationship is. The only question is where it is going to go. My advice is to take off the rose ... (read in full...)
Since I said no living together without marriage he's backed off
Q. Hi, I would like to ask for some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 15 months, he is 39 and I am 27. We don't live together and he stays about an hour away from me, for the last 15 months I have been going to visit him every weekend, ...
A. 29 April 2014: Do you have a reason to leave? Yes he is not what you want in a boyfriend. He doesn't ask you out. He expects you to do all the traveling. After you do all that traveling he cant so much as buy you a burger.
You are not what he wants in a girl... (read in full...)
Four children, a husband who lost my trust, why am I never in the mood?
Q. Hello Everyone, I have been with my husband for 8 years. I have four kids and my youngest is ours together. She is six now. In the last year my husband has done some shady things to me to lose my trust. Not physicslly cheating but other things. ...
A. 23 April 2014: Oh,
I forgot to mention certain medications. Some antidepressants ans birth control meds can have this side effect.
FA... (read in full...)
Four children, a husband who lost my trust, why am I never in the mood?
Q. Hello Everyone, I have been with my husband for 8 years. I have four kids and my youngest is ours together. She is six now. In the last year my husband has done some shady things to me to lose my trust. Not physicslly cheating but other things. ...
A. 23 April 2014: Hi Funsize,
You listed three good reasons not to be in the mood.
- incompatible schedules
- loss of trust
- children stress
Let me add a few more possibilities.
- stuck at home and not getting social interaction with adults.
- Peri-menopau... (read in full...)
My ex who tried to ruin my relationship has contacted me. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want to hurt my partner. What should I do?
Q. Me and my ex broke up back in June after being together for a year and a half. We tried being friends but this proved impossible after I started seeing someone four months later. This lead to something of a bitter parting for us. She and her family ...
A. 21 February 2014: June - Breakup
October - new girlfriend
October or November - bid to break you up including Blackmail
December - Christmas greeting
December or January - you block her number
February - she contacts you on a new number
What makes you thin... (read in full...)
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