| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Date help needed: how do I ask a guy out via text?
Q. Hi. I really need help. I want to ask a guy out (via text, I am too shy to ask him out properly) and I want something cute to say. How can I ask him?...
A. 12 October 2013: Thanks for the followup. Congratulations on asking, it's not an easy thing to do. It is sad to think that you think that you are ugly. Many women have poor body image. (they think they are less beautiful than other people perceive them as. It is ... (read in full...)
What is the right age do you think, to settle down and have a family?
Q. When do you think people ussualy start thinking about settling down? My daughter is 27, her boyfriend will be 30 in a couple months. They both have good jobs, but live with 4 other roomates. its a big house in a very expensive city. I just vis...
A. 9 October 2013: Thanks for the follow up. I'm in your age range. My oldest Daughter is younger than yours. The area I live in has a lower average age of first marriage than most of the US. US Statistics from 2011 say 29 for men 27 for women. So you aren't ... (read in full...)
Has anyone's ex come back after they've appeared to have moved on?
Q. has anyone's ex come back after they've appeared to have moved on? kinda like "if its meant to be it will be" type thing? my ex jumped into another relationship only a couple months after he walked away from our relationship. we were very seriou...
A. 8 October 2013: "Do you think he'll come back?" is one of the saddest questions we see frequently here. People longing for the return of what had proven it's self to be a losing situation. Those of us on the outside want to say, "why do you want them back? Look ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I only want to be with an uncircumcised man?
Q. I know that this is a pretty touchy subject for some people, so I'm hoping that my question doesn't upset anyone. I'm 23 and I have had sex with one person--my ex-boyfriend, who I dated for a year and broke up with a few months ago. Our sex lif...
A. 8 October 2013: Your question has been answered very well. I just wanted to say that I am impressed with your statement that it will be far off in the future before you have dated a guy long enough to be ready to be intimate. I see so many young people rushing to ... (read in full...)
Should I be single going into college?
Q. My question is pretty straight forward (In my opinion anyway). I have been dating someone for a little over a year now, he's my longest relationship and I his. I love him with all my heart. We are Seniors in high school this year and college has ...
A. 7 October 2013: My current relationship is the result of a successful Long Distance Relationship. The fact that I was successful does not guarantee that anyone else will be. In fact there are many differences between my situation and yours. One major difference ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with her, but I can tell she's skittish about it. What should I do?
Q. I’ve recently fallen for a beautiful woman. Every single bit my type with all of my strengths and flaws. I asked her for her number today and she gave it to me. When I tried to make plans she was hesitant and we never ended up making a solid ...
A. 4 October 2013: Phoenix,
I answered your previous post and things seem to have moved quite quickly. I'm assuming that we are now talking about R. You will recall that I mentioned that she should not be a freshman. Doing the math I come up with freshman... (read in full...)
How can I regain my body confidence and make my husband find me sexy again after giving birth?
Q. I've been with my husband for 5 years and we have a 13 week old daughter together. I have a real big problem with sex since I've had my daughter I feel disgusting and so ugly! I've lost the baby weight but my stomach looks gross saggy, ...
A. 4 October 2013: At the risk of sounding like I am talking to myself, I'll respond to the responses.
Sage brings up the excellent point that a loving, caring , responsible partner would be the one to initiate the healing. Blaming youth and immaturity is also cor... (read in full...)
What's the difference between dating and being "in a relationship"?
Q. I don't think I was ever told the difference between dating, exclusive dating, and being in a relationship with someone. I think I have an idea, but I would like some more opinions, so guys and gals answer away!...
A. 4 October 2013: Sage,
When I read your answer to this I realized how much help that book would be to me. I immediately went to Amazon (tm) and ran a search. I didn't find it but the results were enlightening. It may be that the ultimate truth is found in sear... (read in full...)
What's the difference between dating and being "in a relationship"?
Q. I don't think I was ever told the difference between dating, exclusive dating, and being in a relationship with someone. I think I have an idea, but I would like some more opinions, so guys and gals answer away!...
A. 4 October 2013: Malletchick,
I can easily see how you could get confused. I fear that I am too old to give you an answer that will fit the social reality you live in. Today's young people think that going on a date makes you an "isntacouple". Exclusivity is a... (read in full...)
How can I regain my body confidence and make my husband find me sexy again after giving birth?
Q. I've been with my husband for 5 years and we have a 13 week old daughter together. I have a real big problem with sex since I've had my daughter I feel disgusting and so ugly! I've lost the baby weight but my stomach looks gross saggy, ...
A. 3 October 2013: I'm sorry that you are having such a rough time with this. I've seen this so much that I'm finally beginning to understand it. This is very hard for men to understand.
You have asked for very specific advice and I intend to give it to you. at... (read in full...)
I have crushes on 2 friends!
Q. OK, I have 2 really big crushes. Lets call them Rachel and Sarah. I’m back in college after over 10 years and find myself fallen for 2 of my classmates both in separate classes. Today as I’m in the cafeteria I find them both sitting together ...
A. 3 October 2013: Phoenix,
At 33 you are too old to be asking this question. So I've got to assume you lack experience. I on the other hand am so old that I am out of touch with current trends. So take my advice carefully.
Here is how I see it in order of high... (read in full...)
Going to meet my online girl and would really like to lose my virgnity with her
Q. hello. i'd really like your opinions and advice on my current situation... this is going to be a bit long, but PLEASE bare with me. i am 24 years old and STILL a virgin and it's frustrating. i'm not a bad looking guy by any means. i've b...
A. 1 October 2013: I can't say that I am satisfied with your safety. Secondly I think you jumped past the advice and settled on the forget line. I don't care if you chat with her online until you're 99. What I am worried about is this duplicitous relationship you ... (read in full...)
Going to meet my online girl and would really like to lose my virgnity with her
Q. hello. i'd really like your opinions and advice on my current situation... this is going to be a bit long, but PLEASE bare with me. i am 24 years old and STILL a virgin and it's frustrating. i'm not a bad looking guy by any means. i've b...
A. 30 September 2013: Hey,
I'm from the west and I might have a different perspective on this.
There is an old saying out here, "If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it's a duck". Now we don't know who she is or what's going on, but we have seen a f... (read in full...)
Am I being unreasonable in expecting my boyfriend to spend less time with his friends?
Q. My boyfriend and I are both 28 years old. He is the love of my life and the best person I have been with. We both always say how Much we love each other and have stated we want a future together. We are both saving at the moment but are thinking of ...
A. 30 September 2013: I'm going to propose general rather than specific advice. You will need to sort out what applies to you best. Your relationship is approaching a transition. It is natural for you to evaluate the situation. You want to be reassured before you ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend scamming me??
Q. Is my boyfriend scamming me?? Here I am still in this 13 year relationship and it has been so long I don't even know if what I feel for him is love. Added to that are the arguments we have quite often. Of course, he still looks around every cha...
A. 30 September 2013: Vanelliliz,
O K I'll bite. There are a number of ways to create a fake document. It is kind of hard to do without some time to prepare. For example if he got online to print out the bill when you first confronted him. I would need a few minu... (read in full...)
How late is too late to start dating in the modern world?
Q. How late is too late for guys to enter the dating game and start looking for a relationship. 25? 30? 35? I mean, to really just START! Never been on a date before, never had sex, maybe never even kissed a girl. This could all be due to many combi...
A. 30 September 2013: It is too late when you have so many weird habits of singleness. It is to late when you can not share your living space with another person. I know this state exists because I have seen it, even though I have been told it doesn't.
O K to some ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a fwb to turn into love and if so how?
Q. seeing my guy 1 yr now. He says he there will never be anything between us. yet one time after sex (he sometimes thinks out loud) he said emotions cannot get into this. He gets closer i think and then pulls away spacing out visits i think to ...
A. 30 September 2013: The answer to your question is mostly no. The answer you need is this: Intimacy is intimacy. emotional, sexual, financial / practical. You have advanced the relationship to sexual intimacy. Your mind equates that to emotional intimacy. What you ... (read in full...)
Would you wish your ex a happy birthday?
Q. She broke up with me and we've been no contact since she greeted me for MY birthday, two weeks after the break up. We've been friends for almost 6 years (on and off) before the romantic relationship. She contacted me only once after the BU, wh...
A. 30 September 2013: First a quick analysis. Friends for six years, probably started in high school. Finally you talk her into transitioning into a romantic relationship, probably at a vulnerable time in her life. She is unable to move her perception of you from the ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend scamming me??
Q. Is my boyfriend scamming me?? Here I am still in this 13 year relationship and it has been so long I don't even know if what I feel for him is love. Added to that are the arguments we have quite often. Of course, he still looks around every cha...
A. 30 September 2013: Vanelililiz,
AuntyEm makes a good point, what you have given us is a list of reasons you have compiled to justify the action you want to take. The trouble with your list is that it contains nothing you have hard evidence of. I don't believe ... (read in full...)
How can I lose 1 stone quickly?
Q. Whats the easiest way to loose roughly 1 stone quickly? I'm not majorly overweight or anything however I;ve put abit more on that I'd like to over this past month or so and would like to get back into the comfort zone. I'm not particualrly someone ...
A. 26 September 2013: You already have excellent advice. I've controlled my weight the right way and the wrong way. I just want to quickly address some points you brought up.
Tea, caffeine helps you lose weight by pushing up your metabolism. Just watch what you... (read in full...)
Should I tell my partner that I'm ready to marry now? Or wait?
Q. ive been thinking of it for quite sometime now... ive been with my partner for 9 long years but have not decided to ger married yet... well he did ask me once 5yrs ago but i told him im not ready yet since then we havent talked about it again... our ...
A. 25 September 2013: a-maldita,
"Love makes fools of us all", you should be willing to take this small risk. You need not ask him to marry you, that would generally be his place. On the other hand, since you closed the marriage discussion years ago, it is appropri... (read in full...)
Wife improves behavior but I cannot love her again
Q. My wife was abusive to me and our kids for over 10 years. She did many horrendous things, including verbal abuse, lying, manipulation, and, in general, not expressing any love to me and our kids. We talked about these things over time, but she was ...
A. 25 September 2013: As this thread has evolved I see that my advice was wrong. I didn't realize the extent to which you were still suffering from the abuse. I'll retract my advice to move towards reconciliation and reinforce my warning about the dangers of staying in ... (read in full...)
Asking a guy out over facebook- urgent help?
Q. Ok, so I want to send a fb message to this guy who I was studying with (our course is over, as of last week). I was intending to make a move last week, in person, but never got the chance. So now I'm resorting to facebook even though I know he ...
A. 23 September 2013: Bee,
There is more to your question than meets the eye. Your answers so far are correct but incomplete. I could easily answer your direct question and say no putting your phone number on a public board is not real safe. Or Yes send a private ... (read in full...)
He didn't celebrate my birthday. Am I overreacting if I break things off?
Q. I have been dating this guy for about a month now. As far as I know, we have been seeing each other exclusively. Things have been going well this far until my birthday yesterday. I had a birthday dinner with friends scheduled for the day before my ...
A. 23 September 2013: On the other hand I'm a repeat offender. I forget birthdays more often than I remember them. Fortunately my wife was able to overlook my shortcomings. I'm not sure your guy is in my category yet, after all he did call.
I guess what I'm tryi... (read in full...)
Wife improves behavior but I cannot love her again
Q. My wife was abusive to me and our kids for over 10 years. She did many horrendous things, including verbal abuse, lying, manipulation, and, in general, not expressing any love to me and our kids. We talked about these things over time, but she was ...
A. 23 September 2013: Jarabacoa,
You are not happy with the way you feel now. You are looking for help. This indicates a desire on your part to make it workout. This is the first step towards reconciliation.
Many have posted here that the relationship is ... (read in full...)
I don't think the time is right to tell my parents I'm seeing a boy from another faith
Q. im a 21 year old catholic girl in love with a hindu boy of the same age. sweet n short.. the problem is religion. although we have been in this relationship for 1yr and his folks knew about it they were cool. they even accepted. but my parents don ...
A. 23 September 2013: I hate to post again before the OP responds. I'll try to be brief. Yes a Catholic family may decide to disown over this. Especially if this is an oldest child or only child. I have to say that this is a mistake on the part of the parents as SVC ... (read in full...)
Why do guys pretend like they are looking for a great personality when it's really just physical attraction they are looking for? Why don't people just admit the shallow truth?
Q. From experience and observation, I know for a fact that a huge majority men do NOT give a crap about a woman's personality. They just instantly know whether they are going to put up with a woman's crap or not. If you find someone physical...
A. 23 September 2013: I probably shouldn't even be commenting on this. It's just an anonymous rant. People need to rant and we can do them a service by giving them a place to do it.
I'm out of the game so to say. It has been decades since I was in the market f... (read in full...)
I don't think the time is right to tell my parents I'm seeing a boy from another faith
Q. im a 21 year old catholic girl in love with a hindu boy of the same age. sweet n short.. the problem is religion. although we have been in this relationship for 1yr and his folks knew about it they were cool. they even accepted. but my parents don ...
A. 23 September 2013: I know I'm a parent, so My answer to this question is going to sound like a parent's point of view without any consideration for your relationship with this young man. I assure you that my advice is for your relationship with this man and not for ... (read in full...)
Date help needed: how do I ask a guy out via text?
Q. Hi. I really need help. I want to ask a guy out (via text, I am too shy to ask him out properly) and I want something cute to say. How can I ask him?...
A. 23 September 2013: So normally when I see a question like this I think, how do you ask? anyway but text would be my answer. Then I saw your age, and I read iAm's answer, now I'm thinking differently. If you are 15 nearly 16 and in the UK then you should pluck up ... (read in full...)
She's frustrated because we don't have enough together time; I'm frustrated because I don't get time with my friends.
Q. My girlfriend and I have nearly opposite schedules at the moment and haven't had much time together. On Saturday she flipped out on me because I played a game with some friends while she napped. I was waiting for her to wake up so we could spen...
A. 17 September 2013: "Any advice on how to fix this?"
I can help you understand it. What you are really trying to figure out is why she sacrificed nap time to spy on you. In your eyes it was free time because she was unavailable. You see time as set up for certain ... (read in full...)
Is spending the weekend together the same as living together?
Q. Do you think that staying with your bf or gf every weekend is the same as living together? My bf only visits on the weekend, he has no belongings at my house aside from a toothbrush, doesn't participate financially in anything, doesn't cook or clean ...
A. 14 September 2013: Wrong question,
First I want to apologize for not reading everyone's replies first. I just want to write this answer without getting all confused.
The point isn't whether or not you are living together. The point is are you satisfied wi... (read in full...)
Am I crazy to give up everything to be close to my son?
Q. My ex has decided to leave the state we are in for a distant one taking our son with her. Our son is 11 years old. She has decided to leave b/c her mother is ill, and she would like to be by her side. She has all of her family away, and has just ...
A. 14 September 2013: I have had the privilege of living with my son and being involved in his life away from home from the time he was your sons age until now. You are making the right decision. I would not give away the past 4 years for all the girlfriends and jobs ... (read in full...)
What do guys like during foreplay?
Q. I have a q: when in bed with a guy, during foreplay, as a woman what kind of things do you do to him (if you're not really into oral sex!), and for the guy what kind of things do you like? Being a woman, I know the kind of things to expect from a...
A. 11 September 2013: Tricky question, because everyone is different. You seem to have a pretty good handle on this so far. You see much of the focus on getting you ready. This is fairly typical because men don't need so much getting ready. Your final remark is the ... (read in full...)
Is the guy I like gay?
Q. I think the guy I like is gay. But I don't think he even knows it yet. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing wrong with gay people, but I have this habit it finding/falling for gay guys and I would rather that not be the case with this guy. I have ...
A. 8 September 2013: Hey Rocker,
A dad's perspective here. He's too young, back off. At 15 being asked about your sexual orientation is creepy. Next May you are going to break his heart any way, so why not keep it on a friendly level for now. He doesn't need a c... (read in full...)
If he really loved me wouldn't he talk about making changes in our lives?
Q. Dear Cupid, Looking for a man perspective. I've been in an exclusive relationship for 3 years, we are both middle-aged. We've broken up several times, because I'm frustrated in not seeing any progress and he is unwilling to talk about where rela...
A. 8 September 2013: Warning this is a Man's opinion (as requested) and I don't think you are going to like it.
When I read the title of this post I had to go back and reread it because it just didn't make sense. I thought it said "If he really loved me, Why is he ta... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is hinting about us moving in together but I don't want to do it for the wrong reasons!
Q. Hello everyone, I have a question regarding moving in with your significant other. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half. We're both 24, going to (the same) online grad school, and we both have very stable, well-payi...
A. 3 September 2013: any advice/insights?
You are looking at the problem wrong. You are thinking it is we move in together of he is high and dry. No it is you move in together or he finds a new roommate or he buys a house or any number of other solutions. So let'... (read in full...)
Is my fiance selfish? He wanted sex when I was ill and complained when he didn't get it.
Q. I was sick for three days during the week and had a stomach ache all three days. I ended up being very tired and going to bed early and even taking a nap during the day. My fiance wanted a midweek romp and not just a weekly, but I was sick. Nor...
A. 3 September 2013: A few years ago I wrote that no one wants their partner to lower their libido, no matter how much they are mismatched. I know this isn't a mismatched libido question but it is about the value people put on having a regular sex partner. If the world ... (read in full...)
How much will it cost per month to have a girlfriend? Outings,gas, gifts, clothes? I need to factor the cost into my budget
Q. How much does a girlfriend cost per month? Do not bother replying if you say "priceless" or "too much" as those sayings are far too old and a scapegoat. Women, don't bother replying with bs that you are free, and don't tell me that you always pay ...
A. 2 September 2013: After 20 answers I feel I have something to add.
It is not a silly or insensitive question. 20 people were excited enough about the question to answer. Most of them gave good financial advice, even if much of it said "it varies".
So, mak... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is always asking me to striptease on webcam, then gets mad when I give her what she wants.
Q. Hello. I'm very concerned about my girlfriend. She frequently asks for me to do a striptease for her on webcam on MSN. Yet, when I do, or I'm in the middle of the process, there's a change of heart, she panics, and gets angry. She then yells at me...
A. 2 September 2013: Hold on,
Are you telling us that in a full year this game has not changed? I would strongly suggest that if she has not initiated something intimate in 380 days that she is not going to now. I would also suggest that if you haven't figured ... (read in full...)
Short men: Have you ever found a tall woman attractive? Would you approach her?
Q. This may come off as a strange and unusual situation, so bear with me here. I've heard that many men who are under 6 feet tall feel inadequate about being short and overlooked by women for their tall counterparts. Then there's me. I'm a 6'2" w...
A. 28 August 2013: Yes you are unusual. I would say that the reason short men don't approach tall women is that continual rejection will do that to a person. I'm in your preferred height range and I have dated precisely 2 women taller than 5'8". Interestingly, in ... (read in full...)
Should I write a letter to my crush expressing my feelings?
Q. Hello everyone, I have a big crush for someone. He's a Police Inspector and he helps me in my work. Well, I'm not in the police sector but my work consists of prosecuting environmental offences. I never intended it and never wanted it, it just hap...
A. 24 August 2013: tibob,
What a nice story. Like many people you are reluctant to expose yourself to rejection. It is a fine line. In many cultures it is up to the man to make the first move, so women are even more discouraged from making their feelings known.
... (read in full...)
How do I get my friend to stop liking me?
Q. Hello dear aunts and uncles :) I go to college and I have a best guy friend there, we understand each other really well, he's nice and one of the best friends in general I've ever had. I suspected he might be into me and recently he confirmed he ...
A. 24 August 2013: Dear Anon,
You asked "I really want him to stop this so we can be friends again (without the awkwardness), but I don't know how!"
Sorry you can't have that. He is a man and not homosexual. You will just have to learn how to get by without h... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is always asking me to striptease on webcam, then gets mad when I give her what she wants.
Q. Hello. I'm very concerned about my girlfriend. She frequently asks for me to do a striptease for her on webcam on MSN. Yet, when I do, or I'm in the middle of the process, there's a change of heart, she panics, and gets angry. She then yells at me...
A. 20 August 2012: you are 22-25 years old by now you should know how to handle a tease. You make her make commitments before you give her what she wants. For example: You meet me, then I will show. You give, then I give. You promise not to yell or I won't. and ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is always asking me to striptease on webcam, then gets mad when I give her what she wants.
Q. Hello. I'm very concerned about my girlfriend. She frequently asks for me to do a striptease for her on webcam on MSN. Yet, when I do, or I'm in the middle of the process, there's a change of heart, she panics, and gets angry. She then yells at me...
A. 19 August 2012: Resist. Make her work for it. Make up an excuse why you can't do it right now.
FA
... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is always asking me to striptease on webcam, then gets mad when I give her what she wants.
Q. Hello. I'm very concerned about my girlfriend. She frequently asks for me to do a striptease for her on webcam on MSN. Yet, when I do, or I'm in the middle of the process, there's a change of heart, she panics, and gets angry. She then yells at me...
A. 19 August 2012: I tend to agree with the immature angle on this. I think to her it is a game. I also think she enjoys teasing you. I think you should play harder to get. Don't let her win so often.
FA... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is always asking me to striptease on webcam, then gets mad when I give her what she wants.
Q. Hello. I'm very concerned about my girlfriend. She frequently asks for me to do a striptease for her on webcam on MSN. Yet, when I do, or I'm in the middle of the process, there's a change of heart, she panics, and gets angry. She then yells at me...
A. 18 August 2012: Interesting question. I'd like to hold off answering until I have more information.
Is this an online only relationship? Long Distance?
How is the relationship working out for you?
Thanks in advance.
FA... (read in full...)
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