A
female
age
36-40,
*ishdish
writes:So,I just got out a long term relationship. So long that we were both virgins before we met and never had to worry about stds/stis. My question is, when I'm ready to get back into the dating world, how does sex work, in terms of, do most couples get tested together before they decide to have sex, do they just trust the other guy for long enough that you assume they're clean (sounds like a bad idea to me), or do you just wear condoms regardless? I don't plan on any sexual relationship with a guy for a while, but when I find someone, I'm afraid I'll offend them because I'll come off as distrusting of their sexual cleanliness.
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both virgins, condom, std Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): Be aware that a "standard" screening for STDs does not include all possible stuff. They don't normally do a blood antibody test for the two separate types of Herpes, for example.
(Why not, you ask? Maybe because it would find way too many people positive who rarely have contagious outbreaks. The public collectively prefers ignorance about their Herpes status since there is no cure.)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 July 2011):
 I just told my boyfriend that I would like him to have STD testing and that I have it done every six months.
he had his done with his doctor and I had mine done with mine... no big deal...
and condoms are in use till the blood work is clear for a year...
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (11 July 2011):
 Repeat that chant! No Glove, no love.
My last bf was offended I asked him to wear condoms and get tested.
I would rather that HE be offended that ME get a disease.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): Even if you get tested and hes clean and your on birth control, wear a condom. Comdoms and birth control alone aren't 100% but together they have a really good chance at preventing pregnancy.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 July 2011):
 You use condoms absolutely every time you have sex and then if you want to switch to another form of birth control you both get tested. If he balks at it or something, then you demand he do it and you stick with condoms until he does. Also keep an eye out for things like warts or sores, which condoms may not protect you from.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (11 July 2011):
wear condoms then go the clinic get yourself checked out and when you get a new partner i would get him to go to the clinic to get checked out to
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 July 2011):
 You wear condoms until the new partner and yourself have been tested.
Get yourself tested just for shows sake, even if you personally know you are clean. Do this when your new partner also does it, so you do it together as a sign of respect for each other.
The typical thing is to wear condoms at the beginning of the relationship, or until you've had the talk about STI's. STI's have no relevance to the number of previous partners, so no need to dig into the numbers. Just ask if he's been tested, and if he's clean. He needs to have been tested between the last person he had sex with and you. Meaning, if he got tested 2 years ago, but had a one night stand since, he needs to get tested again.
After this, all you have left is trust your partner. You do not have the rights to peek into his medical history, and doctors don't really send you any paperwork to tell you you're STI free either. You get tested at their office, and then once they know the results they call you up to let you know, no paperwork. So there really is no way to control that what your partner says is true. At some point or the other you simply need to trust them. Same as you need to trust them to not cheat on you and bring home an STI.
Until you feel you can trust your new partner, wear condoms.
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