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Will his friend be thinking I am an absolute idiot to still stay with him? I think my husband took another girl's number while away with the army

Tagged as: Cheating, Friends, Marriage problems, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 March 2016) 4 Answers - (Newest, 30 March 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hey. I need to know if I'm being silly or not.

Last month my husband went away abroad with the army to malta and while he was there got girls numbers etc to be honest

Anyway he wants us to go out with a guy and his gf, the guy we are meeting went with him to malta and knows what he got up to.

I just feel uncomfortable meeting them when they know everything like they'll be there pitying me or thinking what an absolute idiot for being with him. I just don't know what to do :(

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (30 March 2016):

chigirl agony auntYeah, if they know, then they will be looking at HIM thinking "what an idiot" and looking at you thinking you're a great woman.

On the other hand, how can you be so sure they know? And, if him taking another girls number makes you feel like you can't save face when meeting others, why do you stay? Im thinking, you aren't worried that these people will feel sorry for you, you are the one who feels sorry for yourself and you are the one who thinks you are being stupid for staying.

So why are you?

If you are thinking the phone number thing was innocent, or you aren't sure if it even happened, then there should be no problem meeting these people. But you are sure it did happen, you are thinking he is playing you along, and you dont want to be made a fool. These are your thoughts and feelings, which you are projecting onto the other couple as in "they must think this and that of me". In reality, you are the only one thinking this and that about yourself.

So make a decision. Either you stay with him, head held high, or you leave because who wants to have to avoid other people out of fear of what they will think of you..?

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2016):

I think they’re more likely to think he was the idiot for doing that kind of thing with a wife back at home. If they are decent people, they will respect you for sticking by your man. Don’t worry about it. Hold your head up high. It’s not a sign of weakness to try and make a relationship work and to try and forgive betrayal. The most important question is whether you and your husband have sorted things out. If you have talked things over and agreed to try and move on, great. What matters more isn’t one meeting with friends, but the reality of your lives together day to day. Just get through this. The subject of your husband’s behaviour with other girls is unlikely to even come up.

I wish you all the very best.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2016):

Honeypie is right. What these friends of your husband think should be the least of your worries. Have you talked this out with your husband? This kind of behavior on his part should be a giant red flag for you.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 March 2016):

Honeypie agony auntHave you asked why he got numbers of girls?

Have you asked him if he was OK with you getting random guys numbers WHILE he is away?

I think you NEED to solve this issue with your husband.

What his friend think or may not think about you is irrelevant, it's not like you can control what some stranger thinks, feels, says or do.

What DOES matter is that YOU and YOUR husband figure this out together.

Maybe this is the "perfect" opportunity to talk boundaries within the marriage. What you are BOTH OK with and what you are not.

So why ARE you staying with him?

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