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Why do so many women want to try having sex with a big penis if size doesn't matter?

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Question - (25 May 2012) 25 Answers - (Newest, 12 January 2019)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Why do so many women want to try having sex with a big penis (like bigger than they've ever had before) if size doesn't matter?

Why did men evolve big penises (length and girth) compared to other primates if size doesn't matter?

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A female reader, 91hotem Australia +, writes (12 January 2019):

91hotem agony auntOh god!... and the myths, ignorance and fear of being judged just keep on going.

As a female we are capable of giving birth, Here is a fact - the average circumference of a baby at birth is 13.5-14 inches.

There is no penis you will ever encounter anywhere near that size, very few of us will ever be fortunate enough to encounter a true stud that's half that size and don't believe the hype of most pornstars statistics. Reading the responses it makes one wonder about the word "many" in the question. It's annoying where females generalise about encounters with well hung males and say it hurt, they were unskilled, arrogant, selfish etc. What a load of rubbish. My only sexual encounters that were unsatisfactory were with two different males both had a smaller penis and unfortunately seemed to be anxious, the silly thing is that they both had enough size for sex to be pleasurable.

My amazing boyfriend I've been with for five years is a little longer than average but quite a bit less than average with thickness, is our sex life great? Yes, but, does he wish his penis was bigger? Yes, do I wish it were bigger? Yes.

Your question answered "why do (some or many) women want to try having sex with a big penis? Will be because a girl friend has been honest and told her how amazing the sex was.

Does size matter?

My answer to that - Their is NO penis too big, Their is ONLY too small :)

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (28 August 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntI've heard it said, that:

"It's not the size of the wand, but the magic of the performer, that puts the rabbit in the hat...."

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A female reader, Chicago Girl United States +, writes (26 July 2012):

Chicago Girl agony auntIt is not about size, it is about technique and how you feel about each other. I have been with several men and can honestly say that the size is not what makes good sex.

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A female reader, Entanglement Pixie United States +, writes (23 July 2012):

Sociobiology and evolution has been a sensitive topic for us since its inception in the 19th century. Usually the minute that one points out a genetic trait that would be an evolutionary advantage or disadvantage (especially when we talk about the human animal), the following minute is usually spent thinking about one's own inferiority/superiority along that spectrum for that genetic trait/phenotype.

When you think about evolution/natural selection, you need to strip down everything to "does the trait allow for greater reproductive success and or allow my offspring to have a greater chance to survive until their own sexual maturity?" People can have a hard time thinking like that, especially when the implications are not in their favor. For example, my best friend and I are about equally attractive(and I think most men would agree if they were to rate just our facial profiles) and have very similar personalities, but she has extremely curvy hips, and I'm built like a 12 year old boy. When we go out, she is always the one who gets the most attention from guys... always has (since middle school) and always will!

But hip size IS important in an evolutionary context... women with bigger hips (especially before 20th century medical practices) historically have had less complications during childbirth, so this certainly would have been a selective factor, especially as human brain size (and thus skull size) continued to grow (especially for homo erectus who's brain size jumped from 2 to almost 3 lbs in a relatively short period). Bigger brains generally meant offspring were more intelligent, and hence would have a better chance of surviving to sexual maturity.

I'm not sure how AWARE people are of these things though... in fact I'm almost positive that the men who hit on my friend are not... but even if we pressed them, they wouldn't want to admit that the curvy hips were a factor (in a poor attempt not to seem shallow). Nonetheless, their actions are an indicator that evolutionary selection is at work, if not consciously then subconsciously.

Penis size is probably no exception when thinking about evolution. You are right that humans (and chimps when erect) have a much larger size penis than other animals as relative to body ratio. So ALL men (even a four-incher) have a big one in this context! But how did it get to that point? I haven't did any research on this particular topic but I would assume that as the hips grew larger in females they may have developed a preference for a thicker penis (plus the clitoris is outside of the vagina in humans so a thicker one is able to expand the vagina more to press up on that area). Longer penises are closer (or even smack into) the cervix, so that may increase the chance of fertilization. And an interesting side note is that the cervix is softer and more accommodating during ovulation...

But it seems that gorilla's make up for the small penis by having much larger testicles and ejaculatory semen to increase the probability of fertilization...

While my girlfriends don't seem to be "trying to have sex with a big penis," (and I'm currently in a 10-year relationship with an average sized guy by the way), I have noticed that whenever one of them hooks up with someone new a description of his penis always seems to come up at some point....

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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (24 June 2012):

Abella agony auntI think men have this wrong

maybe many women joke ab out it

maybe younger women who have not got their priorities settled yet want to try it.

But what ever the size is a side issue to the following when a lady is really intent on finding the ONE:

1. Is he kind?

2. Is he respectful?

3. Does he have a nice sense of humour?

4. Is he honest?

5. Is he respected by his peers

6. Is his 'word' (that he will do something)always

reliable?

7. Does he turn up when he says?

8. Is he diplomatic and peaceful?

9. Do I feel really good when I am with him?

10 Can I tell him anything and know he will understand?

12.Do I feel more comfortable with him than anyone else in

the world

Did you notice what was missing from the list that defines the best man in the world to me?

Twice my list has resulted in a man who is utterly adorable and completely satisfying and I never even needed to put Penis size on the list.

A man is far far more than just THAT.

And without the 12 attributes on the list above?

Then to me it's of no consequence what size THAT is. It is an irrelevance if he puts all his faith in THAT to attract (and keep, and satisfy) a womam.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2012):

"Why did men evolve big penises (length and girth) compared to other primates if size doesn't matter? Genetic fluke?"

Us men are huge, of course, compared to gorillas. But, if size doesn't matter, why did gorillas evolve such tiny penises and tiny brains to go with them?

I suspect us human males have huge penises because it balances out our huge brains. It just looks better when when we accessorize. And, we all know how important that is to women!

Of course, one could ask why women's clits are so tiny compared to our huge male organs if size doesn't matter?

Or, why are women's breasts so huge compared to other mammals? To my mind, it's proof that God loves men and wants us to be happy!

The bottom line is that us human males are far superior to our primate cousins in every way. Unless, of course, women actually prefer gorillas with tiny brains and tiny penises. (I'd have to admit there is some evidence to support this theory)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2012):

I don't think many women do want to try that specifically, and more than trying out anything new.... anyway, having sex with a big guy can be uncomfortable: for me the quality is better (just feels much better) but quantity tends to be less because the vagina might be quite swollen and sore afterwards - no second helpings!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2012):

For figuring out what women do and don't want, I have learned that there is a one very simple rule that usually works: Ignore EVERYTHING coming out of their mouths and just look at their actions.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2012):

I think women like to see how big a penis they can handle just for the devil of it.Mostly mature women get interested to try a big one to see how big a one they can handle and perhaps just as we men consider large penis size as a sign of strength and virility also women consider handling a big penis is a sign of sexual prowess as a female.That is my two pennies worth to this debate for anyone interested.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (26 May 2012):

Honeypie agony auntWhy did men evolve big penises (length and girth) compared to other primates if size doesn't matter?

Genetic fluke?

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A female reader, Beatriceandjohn  United Kingdom +, writes (26 May 2012):

That's strange when u start getting serious with a guy u don't go like:

Hey mate u got a big one there? So that does not happen at all. Women have sex with the guys they feel attracted to regardless the size...

Two experiences to share let's see if it helps: I was with a guy once who had a HUGE one but he could not get hard easily and I think that was the most horrible sexual relationship I have ever had. That put me off sex for a while...

Then, I have been having sex with my current partner who has got a big one as well and the guy is amazing....

It depends on the guy... Personally, I do not think that the size makes a difference, is HOW they make it...

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A female reader, iloveblue Canada +, writes (25 May 2012):

iloveblue agony auntThat's actually a wrong notion about women. I would not blame you coz maybe you've seen it or heard it in the movies or gossips. But real women don't care about penis size.

I have never come across a group of females who said they'd prefer bigger penises. But i did hear that big penises are painful and not very ideal.

What we care about is how you use it and treat us in bed.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (25 May 2012):

Honeypie agony auntWe do?

That is news to me.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (25 May 2012):

chigirl agony aunt.. I didn't know we wanted to try and have sex with the biggest penis ever. I don't. I did end up in bed one time with a man who had a HUGE one. I didn't know about that though when I brought him home. And it was interesting, as it is with all new things that you've never seen before. I wanted to try it out then, because.. well, it was there, and sex was sort of on the agenda regardless of his size. It didn't work, he took forever to get hard, and it didn't fit. That's my experience with a big one, and.. I can't really say I have a desire to try it again.

So, not sure where you got the idea that all women want to do this. I'd live perfectly fine without. Nor have I ever heard any of my girl friends utter a desire to try a big one. If we come across one, sure, why not, because by then we're already about to have sex. But we don't go out scouting or asking around to find a "big one".

Nature gave some men big penises for the same reason he gave some women large vaginas. Why did nature create women with tight vaginas if we were meant to hump elephant sized penises?

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (25 May 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntNOT TRUE!

Not sure HOW we find these LARGE penises since they are often attached to SMALL men.

To be honest the LARGEST I ever had was my first husband who at 5'6" was the smallest man I was ever with... go figure...

do we interview them and ask the penis size as part of the vetting process?

also honestly, the best size I have ever had is just slightly below average....

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A female reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth India +, writes (25 May 2012):

Foot-In-My-Mouth agony auntNo fixed rule. Different women like different things. I personally like bigger ones because they make one feel more filled. The small ones don't produce any sensation at all.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2012):

"Why do so many women want to try having sex with a big penis (like bigger than they've ever had before) if size doesn't matter?"

The same reason as anyone wants to try something they haven't had/done before, to see what it's like.

"Why did men evolve big penises (length and girth) compared to other primates if size doesn't matter?"

You'll have ask a geneticist or biologist that one. I mean why do elephants have enormous penises when they could technically have one on their trunk the size of a baby finger that could do the same thing. Or you could ask why we're gendered in the first place when asexual reproduction is much more efficient in terms of propagation.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (25 May 2012):

CindyCares agony auntAnd where did you take this bizarre notion from ? If you've got a couple of teenage friends who say stuff a ) to freshen the roof of their mouth b) to show off, act all vixenish and impress insecure , unexperienced guys , it does not mean this is a given, a conclaimed aspiration of the female universe : to bag a big one.

( Btw, how do they " try " for a big one ? They say " Gee, Joshua, yes, I'll go out with you Saturday night, thanks... of course, only if your penis is at least 8 inches, though " ? )

Most women do NOT prefer bigger penises , it makes sex less spontaneous and passionate, - you have to avoid positions and motions that may HURT.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2012):

It really doesn't matter what size you are. When women say that of course there is the preconception that you are at least average sized, and to be honest nothing makes sex better than both parties feeling secure and happy with their bodies.

If She tells you you're too small it's not going to make you work harder, it's going to ruin an chance and a mind blowing experience.

Work with what you got and have no doubts!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2012):

Probably because they want to see if there's anything to it.

Another question would be why so few women decide they love a big one after they've tried it?

Another question would be why no two women look for exactly the same thing in a man?

Another question would be why evolution has resulted in so many different penis sizes if a large size matters so much to women?

Only about 1 in 10 men are significantly larger than average, and only about 1 in 100 are well above average. Thus, another question would be how women could have evolved to prefer something in a man that their own mothers, and the vast majority of their ancestors generations before them, could not possibly have actually experienced and had it result in offspring?

Another question would be if evolution would favor a woman who refused to have sex with any man other than the 1 in 100 man with a well above average size penis?

Another question would be what would be average after thousands of years of women selecting men based on them having a huge penis?

Why didn't men evolve into huge penises with a little tiny head, little tiny arms, and little tiny legs attached to it? (now, now, ladies, be nice!)(one could ask the same question about breasts!)(i.e. why didn't women evolve into a huge set of boobs with tiny brain and legs attached to them if men select their mates based on breast size?)(there's probably a Woody Allen movie in there somwhere)

I don't know the answers to these questions, but it's not simple, one dimensional issue (except in the fantasy world of porn, which has to do with what men like to watch other men do, not what women like in the real world)

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (25 May 2012):

person12345 agony auntMost women don't prefer bigger penises. I'm not sure where you get that idea. The average woman is only 6-7 inches in length. Anything more than that can hurt. Sometimes a lot.

And to answer your second question, you're totally incorrect. Larger penis size has been correlated with fidelity of females because the head of the penis is shaped to scoop semen out of the vagina. Gorillas have smaller ones and chimpanzees have much bigger. We're in the middle. Evolution has nothing to do with physical enjoyment of sex for women otherwise we would have evolved to have orgasms from it, when most women can't.

You need to watch less porn because penises have very little to do with female pleasure. Orgasms come from the clitoris, not the vagina.

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A female reader, BettyBoup United Kingdom +, writes (25 May 2012):

BettyBoup agony auntWell it depends on the girl and context. If a girl loves a guy, like REALLY loves him, size wont matter, even if he's barely and inch. If a girl just wants to have a fling for pure sexual pleasure, many would not say no to a larger penis. I have had exs who I didn't care about their size anywhere near as much as they did. I just wished they would have sex more and help me figure out how to get off with them.

Size does matter, to an extent, but no where near as much as good technique or most importantly a willingness to learn how to please a woman without letting the ego getting in the way. It is the size of a mans ego that is the biggest barrier to pleasing a woman.

You can't change the size of your penis, so why torture yourself about it? There will be men with bigger ones and men with smaller ones. Be greatful for what you have...

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (25 May 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntI think this is one of those questions where the poster has a certain expectation, a bias, a fear, an insecurity.

Let me ask the poster: do you have a girlfriend?

Are you allowing the fears apparent in your questions to keep you from enjoying a relationship?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2012):

Just like guys want a girl with bigger breasts.. girls like bigger penises sometimes. Who knows?

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (25 May 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntGosh, the women I know aren't trying to have sex with larger penis! Maybe you are hanging with a different crowd?

As for your your other question, maybe you'd have to ask the other primates? Do we have an evolutionary continuum to discuss?

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