A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have never really had experience of a 'player' before as my first couple of boyfriends were quite serious.However, my latest guy I was interested in, hung around me until I told him I didn't want to get too serious and be messed about (as I know he was after other women too). So he stopped contact with me - just like that.But my question is - why do players act this way? What has happened to just wanting to chase and date a woman? They must know they are hurting a girl's feelings. I know he is chatting up other girls as I speak - as they tell me he messages them with the same sort of things he messaged me about.But why?! Surely they must know they are losing us women along the way with a chance that we won't be back - although I would still like to keep in touch with him as he does intrigue me, but I feel he won't return.Why?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 January 2015):
Players are lazy. Now that doesn't mean they won't put of a great chase for a roll in the hay, but they are like fireworks. You light them and boom they go off after that... they don't have much to offer. Why is that? Because the kind of attention and affection they USE in the chase of a roll in the hay IS NOT sustainable.
Think of players as sprinters. A decent/good guy is a marathon runner or even a triathlon athlete. The sprinter WILL run out of steam, specially if he thinks all a woman is good for is sexual gratification (his) - the marathon runner knows how to pace himself because he is IN IT for the LONG run (pun intended).
Stop wasting emotions on this guy. Don't be upset that he tried to "woo" you, and when you tossed the bucket of cold water he dropped you. Now you MAY be in the thinking that if he had really liked you, he would have made an effort. The thing is, HE didn't. And he DIDN'T like being shot down. Just like YOU didn't like being dropped.
He wasn't a good match for you. Move on. Screw what he does and who he talks too.
Remove him from your life, unless.. you at some point want to be another notch in his bed post.
By the way, If a GUY told you, I don't think you are serious and I won't be taken for a fool, would you still chase him? IF that was HOW he saw you?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2015): Ha - Thanks Ruby! To be honest, I don't see the difference between a sex addict, a randy old bugger or a player - they all seem to be after the same thing!! I do know he has flitted on from one girl to the next though looking for a good time - so that strikes me as a player.
If only I could get him out of my head! - Any tips would help! I don't know why he is playing on my mind so much - maybe it's the way he just dropped me like a stone!
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (6 January 2015):
Are you sure this guy is a player and not just a randy old bugger?
In my mind, players manipulate women into bed by lying and making false promises to them. This guy doesn't seem to have done that - when you declined him sex, he backed off rather than simply changing tactics. A true player would simply have tried a different method of approach and start claiming that he was looking for something serious himself or saying that he'd stopped flirting with all the other girls (but was secretly carrying on). He'd promise like mad that he'd NEVER mess you about and then proceed to do just that (but always have the most convenient excuse or apology whenever he does.) And he'll always keep you on the backburner for a rainy day...
Sounds like your guy just likes no-strings-attached sex.
As for WHY guys behave like this (whether they're players or randy old buggers) - the list of reasons is endless.
Some guys are committment phobes.
Some guys have had poor experiences with women in the past.
Some guys have character traits, making hard to sustain relationships so they have to resort to short-term flings.
Some are sex addicts - Sex addicts aren't really addicted to the act of sexual intercourse and orgasms - they're addicted to the thrill of the chase so they're always on the look out for new conquests. The internet is full of them...
I really think you need to change the way you see this guy. At the moment you seem to be considering him as your dream guy who got away whereas in reality you've dodged a bullet from an AK47. Be proud that you weren't so easily fooled.
Do you really want to be with a sex addict or a player? You'd be hurting a hell of a lot more if you'd dated this guy.
Stop contact with this guy. Don't keep the lines of communications open "just to see what he'll do" because you're only hoping that he'll change his mind (or his ways) and come back to you. And you're hoping it wouldn't just be for a roll-in-the-hay.
Get this guy well and truly out of your head by whatever means possible. Sitting around wondering what went wrong and why really doesn't help (Trust me - it doesn't)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2015): Cause they are probably bitter. Maybe somebody broke their heart and they avoid intimacy at all costs.
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