A
female
age
41-50,
*andita
writes:Over the 10 years or so I've been with my boyfriend he has continuously used porn. Until recently I thought only straight porn. He now confesses to occasionally watching gay porn. Also sending videos and naked pictures on a gay site. He only confessed to this as I found a video on his phone of him in the bathroom. It looks like he was setting it up for filming something but don't know what. He was fully clothed in the video and aiming the camera towards the bath. I confronted him as I was confused as to what he had been up to. I have a 13 year old daughter. I knew he wasn't setting the camera up for filming me cos he hardly comes near me, shows affection or gives me compliments. He has over the years sent messages to females asking for phone numbers and telling them how magnificent they are and what he wants to do with them. My initial thought when I found the video is that he was setting it up to film my daughter. Obviously I thought that disgusting and confronted him. So he says he's gay. Later he said he's not gay and it's hard to explain. Says he went to a guys house after arranging to meet him, before he got with me. But nothing happened. I don't know what to think. I've never found gay porn he's watched, but many blow job and young Asian girl type porn. I'm really confused and he's not opening up. He seems to be acting as if all is gonna carry on as normal. Whats your thoughts? Do you think he is gay or what? He says he does all this online activity because he has low self esteem and looking for attention. But rejected me practically since we got together. Btw we have a son who's a year old. If he'd known he was gay why would he stay with me for 10 years treating me like rubbish and having a child
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 November 2014):
 Whether he set up the camera to film himself OR your daughter is in a way irellevant. The thing is HE could have filmed YOUR daughter, and it would BE without her consent + her being under age. EVEN if that was a mistake, it's a ridiculous one to make.
IF he set up cameras for himself, wouldn't he just go in, lock the door, set them up and record? And that is WHY I find it very iffy that he claims it was for himself.
Him not being interested in you doesn't mean he wouldn't film your daughter. That is illogical for you to conclude.
And if he has been ABUSIVE to you for SO long + all this meeting up with people and asking other females for attention - how is that a healthy relationship? FOR you AND your daughter.
The straw though in your whole post, was that HE blamed YOU for it all. It's your fault he did what he did. Because YOU didn't pay enough attention to him. BULL CRAP!
I don't think he is gay, maybe bisexual - but I think HE has stayed with you all this time because he thinks that is HOW life should be, man and woman married. Woman obey man, man does what he wants.
Aren't you a little too YOUNG to SETTLE for this creep for the REST of your life?
DO you want your daughter to date a guy like him? Do you want your son to grow up and be JUST like daddy towards women ?
What is it that makes YOU stay?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2014): Why waste any more of your life on a potentially gay guy who either way shows you know affection, practically cheats on you and treats you really bad. Either way, does it really make a difference? He has no respect for you and I wouldn't trust him. I'm friends with a gay guy at work, he is in his forties and only came out gay 5 years ago - before that he was married for 10 years and had a son to that woman. I still feel sympathy for his wife for all that time she put into the relationship.
Chances are he is bisexuality, but I would be very worried he was setting the camera up for your daughter. This is a red flag and I really think you should seek therapy and leave
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 November 2014):
The real question is why in the world have you been with a guy who treats you like rubbish for ten years? Do you deserve to be treated like rubbish? Is that a good example for your children?
See a therapist, figure out why you tolerate this, then leave him after you've gathered the strength.
Remember, if your relationship sucks and your bf doesn't want you, what do you have to lose?
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A
female
reader, mandita +, writes (2 November 2014):
mandita is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the answers. It's good to have an outside perspective. I think either way he has to go. Getting him out is another issue
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2014): I would think twice about letting him continue living with you and your daughter. If there's the slightest doubt on your part about his intentions then you have a duty to protect her.
You've been with him for long enough anyway considering the state of the relationship.
Seriously rethink this relationship.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 November 2014):
 I would think he's setting the video up for your daughter. Then he says he is gay as defense. When you wonder why he had been lying all that time and be with you, then he says he is not gay and hard to explain. There is nothing to explain about being straight, gay or bisexual. Even if you are gender blind and are pan sexual (liking everyone regardless of sexual orientation, or anything that moves), that's what you tell people. He was sounding elusive and avoiding responsibility. For some reason he is obsessed with sex. He spends an enormous amount of time and energy on sex that he's neglecting his fatherly duties, let alone being affectionate with you. He is your partner and he is supposed to make you happy. Being not 100% straight, or having low self esteem does not give him the excuse to treat you like rubbish.
The most probable reason is that he is filming your daughter because that's actually quite common in this degenerate society. Your daughter is reaching puberty and starting to look pretty. He is trying to save his ass by saying he is gay, since it is a horrible crime to be doing this. He would get thrown out. He's making you think that he wouldn't do this if he was gay right?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2014): I don't see this ending well regardless of what he was trying to film. Doesn't sound like its much of a relationship - I think the question you have to ask yourself is why YOU stayed with HIM for 10 years.
Get out, the longer you leave it the harder it'll be - as you now know by having a child with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2014): It sounds like he maybe be curious about intimacy with the same sex. At any rate, for you to share a teenage daughter is the bigger issue. I say it's time you, alone seek professional help, in case he does come out the closet, you should know how to be there for your daughter. Good Luck.
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