A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I got myself in a unhealthy situation. - Short version: I befriended a new member of the archery range I'm at. He's in his mid fifties. He assured me all he wanted was friendship. Stupid and naive as I was I accepted this. I even accepted a job offer. Then he came up with "plans for us" including a hotel night. I wrote an e-mail blowing off everything including the job (politely) but now I can't seem to get rid of him. He keeps sending e-mails and texts telling me he's innocent and how unfairly I treated him. Long version: (provides context)At archery we talked about loads of regular stuff and I mentioned looking for a summer job. He mentioned that the company he's at needed employees in my field of education. Happy to have an opportunity, I applied and got accepted, supposed to start at the 14th of july. Then he started texting and e-mailing me, innocent at first, but later adding that I'm "foxy" and "pretty". He also wrote stuff about how he'd rather have me keep him company than the visitors who had come by at his house, etc. He started offering to do stuff for me, like driving me home from archery. I only accepted once when the weather was bad and left money for petrol on my car seat (he wouldn't accept it when I offered.) Then I arranged a friend to pick me up from practise to drop me off at the train station because I don't want to be dependent on someone else. Anyway, there's a conference for the company that I'm supposed to attend the 5th of July. He said he'd e-mail me the plans he had for us for 2 days. I thought he'd made a typo, but when he sent me the e-mail it outlined 2 days of activities, all paid for by him (a lunch, barbecue, swimming, shooting pool) and finally a stay at a hotel in a twin room. In this e-mail he said he had no ulterior motives. Conflicted (and feeling more than a bit uneasy) I went to Dear Cupid and the aunties so-very-confused and AuntyEm among others recommended to cut it all off. So I did. I sent an e-mail saying I didn't think it was an inappropriate thing to propose as a friend and that it made me very uncomfortable. I said I decided to decline the plans and give up on the job opportunity because of that reason and asked him to respect my wishes even if he didn't agree with them. I put this in my follow up, but because I accidentally added personal info (I pasted the e-mail) I requested to have it deleted. Now I'm back again, asking for guidance. He keeps sending me e-mails saying how he treats every friend like he's treated me and that he doesn't understand how I can distrust him like this, etc and that we should talk it over at coffee after he picks me up from my house.I replied saying I appreciated his view on things but that my decisions remained unchanged. Then he wrote back saying he would respect my wishes and keep his distance. I thought all was good until I got another e-mail (the same day) titled: "you treat me so unfairly." I haven't opened it (not really an appealing title haha) and I have not replied yet.I simply don't want to get into a discussion about this because I don't want to fuel him. On the other hand I'm pretty sure I can't go back to archery practice now because he'll be there and it'll ruin the atmosphere (we're all in the same field and it's a small range.)The big issue is that he always was very kind. He never was an a-hole and even in his e-mails he doesn't call me names. He hasn't tried touching me or anything either. His texts and e-mails make me feel like I'm a bad person. What do you think? What should I do?
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (14 July 2012):
 Well done! You're a smart girl x
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 July 2012):
 Good for you! I'm glad you called the place. You did the right thing.
As for asking for help, well sometimes that too, is the right thing to do. You already KNEW the right thing to do, you just need to learn to trust your instincts.
And you talked to your parents.
Be proud of yourself. Most likely you prevented this guy to prey on other unsuspecting young women at the Archery club. And who knows, maybe you put a mirror up to his face and he saw himself for the creep he was.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 July 2012):
 WOW! you are great.... and how in the world would you have known how to handle this without some perspective from some older BTDT kind of ladies...
As for the archery place having no idea... that's how predators work sweetie... they come across as "the guy next door".... and yet in reality they are a huge danger..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI decided not to reply to his e-mail. Last week I rang the archery range explaining why I'm leaving and told them they should watch out for him. They were quite shocked to hear about it since he puts up such a good front, so I sent some evidence to them. They told me yesterday they would get rid of him as they don't want guys like him ruin the atmosphere, so I may be able to return. I asked them to notify me when he's gone for good.
Thank you all for your replies! I needed some perspective and though I feel I should have been able to get there on my own I'm happy I wasn't too proud to go here for help. Thanks again!
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (9 July 2012):
I agree. He's still a creep, and actually admits as much. You should still be cautious when you go back to archery and you should tell management there. You have intelligence and the support of your family on your side. Not everyone is so lucky. What if he does this again with someone more vulnerable? He admitted that he couldn't recognise at the time that his behaviour was wrong, and what's to say he won't act like this again with another girl? Who knows what the 2 hours sleep a night and manic behaviour is about - but it sounds like drugs or a mental health issue. Stay clear, do NOT continue this drama by replying. Give him a wide berth and give the archery club the heads up about this guy. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 July 2012):
I think the part about his GF's snooping is BALONEY, again he is blaming other people for his behavior and for his LACK of it.
I say this, do not reply, do not feel "sorry" for him.
Why not go to the range (bring your Dad if possible), see what happens? However, I would inform them. He may have "realized" he was "wrong" in the way he behaved with you (but I think it was only because you "stood" up to him) it doesn't mean he won't try with another young girl at the range. If you can prevent another young girl for getting duped and made feel so incredibly uncomfortable, would you not? All it takes it you speaking up.
He is still a super creep.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell everyone, I got one last e-mail from him. After your encouragement I promised myself I was going to take further action if he did (report him at the archery place for one and maybe the police if the content was really bad) but I didn't see this coming...I need your advice again.
Here's what he wrote:
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"First of all, sorry to bother you again after I promised not to. I'd like to apologize for the things I wrote in my e-mails and texts to you. They were indecent and though I didn't mean it in a sexual way it did come across as such. I am very ashamed of my actions. If you're wondering why I am now and didn't seem to be before, I'd like to explain.
It turns out my girlfriend snooped in my e-mailbox. She thought my behavior had been off lately (which I'll explain below) and it made her very suspicious. She found the e-mails I sent to you and confronted me with it and we discussed it for hours. She convinced me what I did was unacceptable and looking back I agree with her.
You wrote it yourself: "reread your e-mail" so I did and you're right, I really was at fault here. My girlfriend and I are going to try and work things out. Whether we'll succeed I don't know, but that's not your problem. She said you handled this with more maturity than I had displayed the last couple of months and that you were right to put me in my place. She's right, I should know better.
Now, about my behavior, I'll try to explain. I'm usually really relaxed, but for a year now I've been experiencing restless periods. When that happens I sleep for about 2 hours each night for weeks at a time and I'm basically crawling the walls looking for excitement, in any form or manner. I (wrongly) tried to use our friendship as an outlet for this. At those moments I felt anything goes and sometimes I cross the line like I did with you. I didn't mean to set you up or try to get into your pants, but I have to admit the excitement of doing things together got to me.
I hope I didn't scare you too much or hurt you. Again, I am very ashamed of my behavior and I will work on it. I hope you can forgive me, as l have learned my lesson. I hope you'll accept my apology.
Sincerely,
[his name]
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Well...on the one hand I'm glad he finally realizes his behavior is wrong, on the other hand I'm angry it took his girlfriend finding his e-mails and confronting him with everything for him to see it. Makes it seems like the only reason he thinks it's wrong is because he got caught, not because he's truly sorry.
I'm not going to forgive him anytime soon because I figure he's the kind of guy who needs time to truly learn to understand the consequences of his actions. Plus I feel horrible for his girlfriend. Turns out she wasn't aware of the "open" part of the relationship. Also, I resent being put in the position of the girl he could have cheated on her with. That's not who I am and I am happy his girlfriend sees that (if she really said that, which I cannot be sure of).
BUT, all this has put me on the fence again concerning archery. I may now be able to come back without him bothering me. Of course, I'm not sure. And I'm also not sure whether to tell the management or not. What do you think? And what should I write back, if at all?
Thanks again for your time!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 July 2012):
I would ring the Archery place and let them know, and I would keep going. I would not let some creep keep me from doing what I love.
If he tried to be "friendly" just walk away. And I do suggest that you ask for a lane or target area away from him if he shows up after you.
Maybe your Dad or another adult can come with you the first few times back there? Maybe then he will get the point to leave you the HAY alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHmm, good point. Hadn't really thought about that to be honest. I guess now I'm wondering: what's the best way to go about this? The guy didn't exactly touch me or assault me.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 July 2012):
Well let me ask you a question.... what's to say some other young woman like yourself joins archery and they don't know about him and he goes after her but she's not as wise as you are and she ends up in a situation with him that she can't cope with?
If you call them and tell them, then they have a heads up... and you have paid it forward to do something to protect someone else.
just food for thought.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all. He responded again saying he'd respect my wishes but that his "door is always open" should I feel the need to contact him again. Like that'll ever happen *rolls eyes*. But I have to say I'm happy he seems to be backing down. I'll keep an eye on everything and I have blocked his number on my phone just incase.
As for archery, my family is saying I should contact them and tell them the truth about him so I can continue, that I shouldn't back down, but honestly I don't think that's going to do much good. I'm planning on ringing them saying something came up, that I don't have enough time to continue the sport and then leave it at that. I don't want to give the guy a reason to bother me again.
What do you think?
I may sound like I need everyone to take me by the hand, but I figure it couldn't hurt to ask while I'm here ;) Thanks again for your time.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 July 2012):
Very nice email and very good!.
Now he will continue to try... you must ignore him totally from now on.
and as to the open relationship... it's what honeypie said.
he wanted to bed you...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 July 2012):
You wrote a lot more polite e-mail then I would have.. :) Good for you.
Yes, I think you did well in your answer, you didn't make him look bad (even if we all think he does lol) You didn't go into specific details, but you were polite and to the point.
I highly doubt he will respect your request to cut further contact, but I do hope you will ignore them and just file them away.
Though I hope he will leave you alone from now on. Creeper!
As for the "open relationship" with his GF. It usually means that they can "date"/"see" other people in a sexual way, but that they recoginze and stay commited to their relationship.
Which to me shows that he wasn't really looking for a "friend" but more like a FWB or a f-buddy in you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again everyone. I really appreciate you all taking the time to reply to my follow up :)
As for the e-mail, this is what I wrote:
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Hi [his name],
I appreciate that you have taken the time to write another e-mail clarifying your side of the story. If you have to ask why you make me feel uncomfortable, reread the e-mails you sent me and then reread what you wrote below and ask yourself if it fits. In any case, our views on friendship do not mesh. Therefore I think it is a bad idea to continue any form of it. I'm sorry I caused you pain but I stand by my decisions. I'd appreciate it if we could leave it at this. Please do not contact me again.
Regards, [my name]
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It may be harsh but I don't want to indulge him in his views and accept the blame to be put on me. In any case he still gets to judge for himself and deny it to himself if he wishes. As long as he doesn't bother me anymore I'm fine with it.
As for his loneliness, he actually has a girlfriend. But he told me he's in an open relationship (whatever that is.)
Anyway, what do you guys think? Did I handle it okay?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 July 2012):
His latest email shows what a passive aggressive A-hole he really is.. Look at his e-mail.. It's all about HOW YOU made him feel and how WRONG YOU are...
NONE of his behavior is what I would assume as "normal" for someone offering friendship/mentoring you a younger person, but he is trying to convince you that it is. He is hoping to get you to engage with him and thereby get you to "understand" that he is right and you are wrong. On the other hand maybe if you DO reply to his e-mail he will get the point.
I know you don't want to answer the e-mail but maybe this is a way to nip everything in the butt.
Tell him that you do NOT think he is in love with you, but that you do not conduct "friendships" with anyone that includes a 2 day stay in a twin room. Or go away to a 2 day conference with someone of the opposite gender that you HARDLY know. That you TOLD him earlier that the whole business made you uncomfortable and you thus backed away. Tell him that you have changed your mind about friendship with him, that you no not feel able or willing to have a friendship with him. Just explain that YOUR idea of friendships and his doesn't seem to mesh. And tell him that you would hope he respects your wishes ans stop e-mailing you in the future, you have no wish for his friendship or contact. Be firm. And tell him you will not reply to any more e-mail either.
(in your own words of course)
In an e-mail you CAN be direct, even if you can't be that way in person.
I'm trying to figure out what might have an effect on him to make him back of, replying or not replying. And I'm not sure, the fact that he can't see his behavior is odd, strange, creepy, sleazy and not at all friendly is kind of setting off red flags in my head.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): "Look OP be honest, sincere and firm. Just tell him it's nothing personal but" Okay. so maybe lie just a little :P
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): God he's persistent isn't he?
Look OP, you quite simply have to ask why the hell does he care so much to put that much detail and that much stuff about being treated unfairly and shit into his email?
He couldn't sleep? Oh come on.
Every sentence is creepy in the extreme, I'm a grown man and that gives me shivers down my spine. He sounds like a teenager but with a mature business like grasp of grammar of and extensive vocabulary.
In his defence OP he sounds like he's probably just lonely to be that emotionally invested either that or he's a bit of a deluded socio-path with a crush.
Either way he's crossed a level of comfort with you and you have to trust your gut on this one, he came on way too strong even if his intentions truly were friendship (they weren't by the way), that's far too much emotion and far too close for comfort. Far too needy, too creepy and just too much overall.
Look OP be honest, sincere and firm. Just tell him it's nothing personal but you've become uneasy with the situation and the level of emotion he has invested in you to the point that he said the things he has says, you're just on completely different wavelengths here. Just tell him that even if he really does only want to be a friend that it's obvious you matter way too much to him and you can't handle meaning that much to a person who you only saw a nice acquaintance. In that respect you have to make it clear to him that you just don't feel comfortable around him anymore and if he needs a reason why ask him to reread his email.
OP make sure you tell him that all you have to offer is a person you will be nice to if you see him in passing, friends is just not possible for you and you don't want a friendship with him, there'll be no coffee, and you'd appreciate that he respected you enough to not send any more heavy emails. You understand his position and you will take it in good faith that his intentions were innocent and it's not a matter of you thinking badly of him or anything like that, you're just not friendship material. The generation gap, the huge imbalance in terms of meaning to all this and quite frankly you're too young to get into to friendship with a person who is so emotionally heavy about things and this upset.
Try and be nice, but make sure he gets the message and if nice fails tell him to fuck off.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): He's a manipulative emotional blackmail expert isn't he!
How about you write this in response to his latest email:
"I appreciate the time and thought you put into clarifying your stance. Let me now clarify mine.
regardless of my assumptions about your intentions, I do not feel comfortable accepting lavish gifts from friends. therefore I will still continue to decline any invitations of that nature from you, because they are inconsistent with what I have with all my other friendships.
I am sorry that you feel unfairly treated, it is not my intention.
so with that, let's just chalk this up to a misunderstanding. I don't wish to discuss this any further as we have now both clarified our stances."
This way, you basically agree with or validate his claims that he's had innocent intentions all along. It would be pointless to argue about his intentions, since it's just his claims against your feelings. You can't win such an argument.
so just go along with what he claims. And then say that despite that, you still dont want any part in this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again for your replies. They're much appreciated :D However, I still need you guys for one more thing. But first things first ;)
@So_very_confused: Thank you for your kind words. I'm not sure about involving the manager. It's a small range, very informal and word travels fast. I'm not sure this would help or add fuel to the fire.
@Cerberus: thank you, but you're giving me too much credit. My wishy-washy-ness led to this situation. When he proposed friendship I already knew in the back of my head something was off but I chose to ignore it. Me cutting him off must have been like a shock because I made a total turn around. My gut kinda has trouble smacking sense into me. So that is my fault because I'm sure he was under the impression I was okay with everything. I will listen better to my gut in the future though, lesson learned...
- Onto business:
Today I received yet another e-mail which I decided to read, just to see if he was backing off. For now I'm not planning to reply (though I'm itching to as he's twisting a lot of things) but I want to know if I'm doing right by ignoring him. Would setting him straight give him more fuel like I suspect it will? Or could it help me get rid of him? This is what he wrote:
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"At first I didn't plan on sending another e-mail but because it's been bothering me a lot (I haven't been able to sleep all night) I couldn't let it go. I also want to be able to see you in the future without any awkwardness between us.
I'm not going to talk to you about the 2 day plans nor the job you're willing to give up because it's been cancelled.
I think your issue is that you think I'm in love with you. But I'm not, I never have been, nor will I be. I thought we'd agreed on being friends and for me that hasn't changed. I never tried kissing you, I never touched you in an inappropriate way, I never put my arms around you. I may have put xx at the bottom of my texts, but that's it. So I don't understand where you got the idea.
What bothers me the most is that you came to the conclusion I am in love with you during your vacation. On what basis? If it's because of the 2 day plan I outlined for you I can easily dispute that if you let me. The conference still stands, so does the barbecue. I would have liked to spend my time there with you, but alas. As for sleeping, I told you I'd arrange a different hotel room for you if it was an issue.
What bugs me the most though is that you thought I was trying to buy you. I like to spend my time in the company of pleasant people. In my opinion you can do stuff for people without expecting anything back. It disappoints me that you deem this to be suspicious.
Lastly I hope that after reading this you understand my feelings and my meaning. I feel frustrated and unfairly treated by you. I hope you have the integrity to reply to this and I would like to talk to you in person over perhaps a cup of coffee over this. I don't want to lose you as a friend.
[his name].
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Please tell me what you think!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2012): "I'm the polite girl who never wants to be rude to anyone, so that makes it tough."
OP it's far more polite to be strong and honest than it is to be wishy-washy and not tell people where they stand so you're doing the right thing. Don't ever be afraid to downright reject someone's advances, it's far more impolite to lead people on or be too timid to actually tell a person you're not interested. It feels far worse to spend time trying to get with a girl only for her to turn around and say sorry, I was never interested but I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
"What do you think, am I a coward for not going back there?"
Not at all, there are plenty of reasons why a place might not be fun to go to anymore, all of those equally as valid.
A coward would have not been able to stand up to this guy the way you have and you'll take this forward with you in life and use it to good effect too. Being able to stand up to guys and say no is a rare quality OP, a lot of girls in your position would have caved and then come posting here about how they feel used and they don't know why they let him use them etc. You're not one of those girls who falls for the nice guy routine when he so blatantly wants to bone you. Always remember the strength and pride you feel at having done this and always remember that if it feels wrong, it is wrong and nothing a person can say should persuade you to go against that feeling.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 July 2012):
YOU DID GREAT! I am so very very proud of you! I wish I was as wise and strong at your age as you are... I'm glad my mistakes were able to properly guide you.
I know you hate to give up archery... and you hate confrontation...
suggestion... if you don't want to give it up (and btw not going it not cowardly, it's self-preservation) I suggest you contact the owner or manager and explain the situation as briefly as possible
"Mr Manger, I had a small incident outside of the range with the creeps name that made ME uncomfortable and I was wondering if when we are both here for practice if you could put us as far apart from each other as possible and keep an eye for me if he approaches me?"
this serves TWO purposes...
1. it gives you a safety valve to go to the manager if MR. Creepy comes after you
2 it gives management a heads up that he's a predator and they will keep a subtle eye on him.
and it puts the blame ON YOU... not him. you are not saying WHAT he did or why you are uncomfortable you are just saying it's YOUR issue...
no blame
no harm
and if management says "oh he's harmless" you can say "thank very much for listening to me" and then NOT go back to archery....
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (3 July 2012):
 I think you've handled the situation really well. No you are NOT a coward. Why should you put yourself in an uncomfortable position by being where this man is? It is an awful shame that he has ruined your enjoyment of your archery club by making it uncomfortable for you to go there now. What a horrible, slimy bloke. And I agree that if he was just being friendly, he would not have kept emailing you with this emotional manipulation of "you're being unfair". You were perfectly fair. You are not obliged to be friends or lovers for that matter, with ANYONE, no matter how friendly and kind they are to you. Just because he was kind to you, does not mean you are obliged to be his "friend". What a creep! He was trying to guilt you into being his "friend" and they when the moment was right he would have made a move on you. Yuck! Well done on getting out of there.
It is a shame about the club, but you can't go now because of him. This is his fault, not yours. It's a shame because you were at the club before him, but now he is very deeply engrained there and you can't really ask him to leave. I guess it's time to look for a new archery club, or a new hobby! Don't suffer this slimy man's company by making yourself keep going to the club, then he will have won, by making you feel miserable for rejecting his advances. Best to remove yourself from the situation. If you find out he stops going to the club(he might when there are no more young ladies to "befriend" :p) then you could always start going again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much! I'm happy to hear I am on the right track. I've never been in a situation like this before. I'm the polite girl who never wants to be rude to anyone, so that makes it tough.
About my home, I live on the 5th floor in an apartment building. He doesn't know the number or the floor. When he dropped me off I waited until he had driven away before I entered the building. Even if he somehow managed to find out through his boss (whom I sent my resume to) I have video surveillance at the door. So basically if he wants to visit I would be able to see him on camera first and ignore him as I wish.
I have now stored all his e-mails in a separate folder should I need them for evidence one day and I have set my settings in such a way that new e-mails from him end up in that folder instead of my inbox.
As for the archery range, I'm not sure. I was there a few months earlier than he is but he's the one who always comes to competitions and gets there early to helps set things up. I think the odds are in his favor when it comes to that and I don't want to drag anyone else into this to be honest. He is really good at playing innocent. Also, right now we don't have any girls my age there he can exploit. There is one 17 year-old-girl, but I told her to watch out for him and her parents are there too (the whole family does archery) so I doubt he'd be as stupid to make a move on her.
But me going back there...I honestly don't know. I always went there for the nice atmosphere, but now it's ruined. I also really don't want to travel at least an hour to have him try and manipulate me. Nor do I want a confrontation. He can talk his way out of a lot of things (which is why it was so hard to make a judgment call on him, as he makes everything seem acceptable and innocent at first glance) and I'm not usually the one with good retorts etc.
What do you think, am I a coward for not going back there?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2012): Well done to you OP: you stuck to your guns and you could read his intentions very well.
This man is a smooth con artist: he appears to be all friendly with an ulterior motive. He's like a predator.
In essence this man wanted a f*ck toy. He befriended you. You are young. Naïve. Needed a job. He complied. THEN his real motives became clear.
OP last year I met one of the very affluent clients , at a concert. Normally I wear very drap professional clothes at work. On this particular day I looked hot: tight jeans, makeup, my hair was styled that very afternoon. I think I was smoking hot, not bad for a 41 year old(lol). My hubby and friends with us at the concert also thought the same. After the concert this client made a point of seeking me out and I introduced him to my friends and hb. The next day I received 2 calls from this man, by the 2nd call my gut told me that he was fishing. This man then used terms of endearments while talking to me. Very professionally I told him not to, I didn't appreciate his "friendliness". I put a stop to whatever he may have anticipated. If I allowed his "friendliness" to continue I would have lost my respect and trust: to myself, to my hb and to my profession.
Girl even if you are unemployed for a while, its ok: at least you didn't pay for the job flat on your back, legs in the air. You got excellent advice from the Aunts kiddo.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 July 2012):
I forgot to add that I would make sure you parents or someone you trust knows when you are going to the range (or better yet, don't go alone) ALSO make sure you tell someone about this guy. You parents, friends so forth so his info is out there.
And I think you need to inform the range about this guy. If you are the long time member and he is new, maybe if he doesn't stay away from you they can ask him to find another range.
And stay safe. He may seem "harmless" but he isn't backing down like a person who "just " had good intentions would.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (3 July 2012):
 I am very suspicious and his behavior is a bit creepy to me. Don't let his calm exterior fool you. I just wish you hadn't let him take you home. It would be much easier to 'disappear' if he didn't already know where you live. My advise is to stop replying to his messages. Unfortunately he strikes me as the type that will just show up at your door when he feels ignored. Hence the reason you should never let a strange man take you home. Later if things becomes weird between you, he has a slight advantage in knowing where you live and you will always feel like you have to watch your back. He may be just a nice guy but most nice guys don't go to these extremes based on a casual friendship. It would seem like he barely knows you and yet he's already making hotel reservations expecting the two of you to share a room? If you feel the need, send him one last message; tell him you met someone else, took another and have been just too busy to plan anything with him. Then stop answering his messages after that. If he shows up on your doorstep don't answer the door. If he persists, call the police. Carry some pepper spray in your purse in case he approaches you as you are getting out of your car at night. Keep it in your hand, ready for use. Maybe you won't need it. But I'd be safe just in case.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 July 2012):
 By the way, he always knew what he wanted.
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (3 July 2012):
I find him scary as well. I agree that he is pushing to see just how far he can get. I think you should send him an e-mail stating that you don't want to see him again and that he should stop trying to contact you. Make sure you have something in writing about this.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 July 2012):
Honestly he almost sounds scary.
I think he is trying to see how far he can push you. I'm pretty sure that he's done this before to other young girls and getting the result he wanted (sex) or maybe he haven't succeeded yet and therefor pushing you even harder. This is why he is playing on your emotions. Most girls are raised to be GOOD girls and to treat people nicely, specially those you are "nice" to us. He is EXPECTING you to follow the "typical" pattern of "grateful girl".
Renting a twin room IS HAVING ULTERIOR MOTIVES!
I think you have tried nice enough to make him back off, I would honestly change my phone number and either change e-mail or put his mail in the spam, so you don't even see it.
If he tries to talk to you at the range be upfront that you don't want anything to do with him and that you request he leave you alone. If he doesn't I would contact the police.
And honestly, I think you need to watch out, this guy have all your private information I assume from your resume?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 July 2012):
 All you did was disagree with the plans and decline the job offer. There should be no emotionall bullshit in the mix. Calling a potential worker foxy and pretty was unprofessional. In his email he sounded very innocent and subtle, and you declined him very gracefully in return. He hopes he can be relentless and you would feel guilty enough to accept his plans. Delete his emails and look for another job.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2012): tell a peer or cop,adult friend someone like that
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