A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys! My name's Jimmy, I'm 37 and I'm still single. I had a little number of girlfriends (about 4) and all of them were from out of my city. I'm a very good lover (good in the sack! lol) and they love that! I' a gentleman, I know how to express myself and everybody notice that I'm a very intelligent man. But even with all these advantages I have my weaknesses.. I'm so shy during the approach because I don't know what kind of words I can use to tell her face to face "in a seductive way" that I wanna date her; don't know how to express that feeling and give the firs kiss; and worse than that: when I'm talking to a girl I just have rejection thoughts that the girl doesn't want me or that maybe she's thinking I'm ugly cause I'm not a hunk . In fact I'm thin but not that much, have a beautiful face and that's it. What can I do to get that confidence and get rid of "the fear of rejection" and "this low self esteem"? Even when I'm dating I always have that feeling: "How long this relationship gonna last?" I'm very insecure. I can see my cousins have very successfull conversations on Facebook chat and when I add a girl and tell her she's beautiful they just answer me in a few words: "thank you" and they show complete disinterest. Please gimme some tips! And the most important question again: "What kind of words I can use to tell a girl face to face "in a seductive way" that I wanna date her? Thanks very much in advance!
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confidence, cousin, facebook, insecure, self esteem, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2015): Well to get a girl, first things first. You need to stop making this about you and instead make this about the girl. This is about you because you are on a quest to get a girl. It doesn't seem like you even care who the girl is. All you care about is you honing in on the ability to pick up chicks. Any chick. That's where you are going all wrong about this. Girls can see right through that. When you approach chicks with this mentality, your intentions become transparent. When the first girl rejects your silly pick up line, you quickly move on to the next girl and so on and so on. And the girl instantly knows that is what you are doing. No girl wants a guy like that. A girl wants a guy who thinks she is special, who spots her from across the room and falls in love at first sight. And puts all his effort into trying to get HER. Just her. But what you are doing is like casting out a line just about anywhere that looks half decent and waiting to see who bites. Any good fisherman knows that's not going to work. It takes skill and effort. You've got to know what you want and what you are looking for and then you'll know where to find it and then figure out how to get it. That you just want a girl, any girl, is just not enough. Girls can sense your desperation and are turned off. You are putting a half assed effort into getting any chick that looks half decent and you would have more luck if you put all your effort into just one chick that really does it for you. That's how you get a chick. That's how you seduce a woman. It takes effort and focus. So quit trying to prove something to yourself. If you want a girl, focus on ONE girl that you like. And put a real effort to trying to get her.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 February 2015):
 Yeah, adding a "random" pretty girl on Facebook and then telling her she is beautiful, is NOT really a great approach for getting to know a woman. It SCREAMS, I want to play into your vanity to get into your knickers, and most women are smart enough to filter that kind of insincere crap out. BECAUSE it IS insincere.
I tell you, 9 out of 10 girls (women) might really WANT to just block you for being creepy. BUT women are raised to be polite so they just say thanks and ignore you.
YOU are in your 30's and you still haven't found out how to treat a woman? We are people, JUST like you. The biology is slightly different. But we really aren't that different than men.
And NO, no "seductive" way of asking a girl out. You are not 15 and it's NOT suave to SHOW that you are thinking with your penis when asking a girl out.
ASK a woman out because YOU are interesting in HER as a person, not just because she has a vagina you want to get near. GET to KNOW her, before even THINKING about "seducing" her. Take her on dates in different situations. If you KNOW she likes theater, see what's playing nearby and ask her if she has seen the show, if she hasn't ask her if she wants to go see it with you. Or art shows, museums, fairground, walk in the park, if she likes hiking (and you like that too) maybe find some nice trails and bring a picnic basket. (works better in spring/summer).
You think if you use some gimmick or "suave" approach girls are NOT going to reject you.... The thing is, WOMEN are smart. WE can SMELL insincerity. We can SENSE fake.
It's like the guy who uses pick up lines he got from the Interweb... he thinks he is a HIT because he makes girls laugh, but HE doesn't GET a date. So he thinks - OH it MUST be because I don't look like Brad Pitt. BUT it's not. The women's BULLSHIT meter just went off. They laughed because it was such a LAME approach.
So my advice? STOP fishing for women on Facebook. IF you know them (and they know who you are) you CAN ask them out, BUT BE a MAN and do it in person. NOT on Facebook.
And ACCEPT that you WILL be rejected from time to time. Just like YOU aren't interested in every women, not EVERY woman is going to be interested in YOU. BUT EVEN a rejection is a lesson. You will learn what works and what doesn't.
Rejection doesn't mean YOU aren't good enough, or handsome enough. It just means she isn't interested.
And SINCE you are in your 30's maybe looking for a woman with SUBSTANCE over "being just a pretty face"? BE who you are, not who you THINK will LAND you "a girl".
Or even TRY online dating? That way you can "get to know" them just enough that you may not feel as shy when meeting in person?
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (7 February 2015):
Jimmy, with all due respect for the tigers blood running through your veins, you seem a bit socially awkward.
You don't "seductively" ask a woman on a date. That's just dorky. You act interested in her (in HER, not just her looks) and then, if it seems you have mutual interests and there seems to be some chemistry, you ask her out. Nicely, honestly, in a lighthearted and open manner.
And do not bring up how "great in bed" you are, this will not impress them, but make them think you are an arrogant douchebag.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 February 2015):
 so going on facebook and friending a woman who does not know her and telling her "you're beautiful" is not working for you?
i can see why.
If you are seductive.. that means you want to seduce and you are thinking about sex.
do you want sex or do you want a relationship?
btw at 36-40 you should be dating WOMEN not girls....
if it's a relationship you want... drop the seductive thoughts... relationships are not about sex... they are about friendship, mutual support, interests and concern.
seduction is sex.
relationships have sex but they are way much more.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 February 2015):
You sure are confident for someone with such low self esteem!
Anyways, maybe you should try something besides telling a girl she's beautiful on the internet or being seductive. I think for a lot of women this can make it seem like you're just trying to get laid.
Regarding fear of rejection. The trick is to stop caring. If she doesn't like you she can tell you. All you need to do is be yourself; you won't be everyone's preference, but nobody is. Don't take it personal.
I like real women and don't mind a little bit of extra weight (I like thin too). But I don't like most supermodels our porn stars. That doesn't mean they're not attractive, just not to me.
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