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What can I do legally to get her to stop with all the crap shes doing so we can live our lives?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Family, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 April 2015) 10 Answers - (Newest, 2 May 2015)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Good day all... Here is the time for all you that give great advice to read my situation and give me advice on what I should do about it.

I have been with my fiancé for almost 3 years now. Within a couple months of our relationship he got the DNA results back saying he is the father of twin boys that weren't even a year old at the time.

After those results showed he was the father. All hell broke lose. Court visits all the time for child support and visitation time. My fiancé was granted visitation every other weekend. And Ive been right there also since this all started. The twin boys mother ( my fiancés ex girlfriend ) started blowing up his phone and being very nasty by insulting my fiancé as well as myself and even MY kids. She has no right at all I think to even bring me into the mix since she doesn't even know me. And also during this time, my fiancé was beyond stupid and thought with his "wrong head" and ended up sleeping with her a couple times behind my back. But "im" the bad person here?!?!?

Since the beginning of all the court visits and rude texts messages from her I kept my opinion to myself out of respect for my fiancé and his twin boys. Time passed by, and she will text him LATE at night waking us both up with her rambling about child support. When hes doing everything the court has ordered him to do. Ive allowed him to be the one to reply back to her to try to get her to stop with all of what she was doing. But she never did stop. I finally got sick and tired of it all that I asked him to hand me his phone and I ended up texting her back and politely stating to stop harassing him and texting at all hours of the night as well as stop insulting me. Stating I don't deserve it. Im there for their twin boys and am their step mom. Even after a year+ time went by she still is continuing her drama. Stating that I have no business in this situation. But I believe I do since its having to do with my step kids. Plus her throwing me in the mix by insulting me in her texts when Ive never done anything to deserve that treatment. She also has been brainwashing the kids by saying the guy shes with is their daddy. I don't believe that's right and just last night replied to her text stating that its not right she is doing that to the kids. I don't tell them to call me mommy when they are over here. I allow them to grow up and call me whatever they would like to call me. But shes forcing them to believe the wrong thing. Isnt brainwashing a form of child abuse? What can I do legally to get her to stop with all the crap shes doing so we can live our lives and allowing the kids to enjoy a good upbringing?

View related questions: ex girlfriend, text

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2015):

"Shes that type of person that loves to cause drama in other peoples lives."

And apparently boyfriend is that type of person that loves to have drama in his life.

To repeat what others have said: She's HIS ex, they're HIS children, it's HIS problem.

If HE can't resolve the situation (or doesn't really want to) then that should tell you everything you need to know about the guy who you chose to bring into your children's lives and with whom you've chosen to shack up.

Random question for OP: Is your children's bio-father in the picture? They would benefit greatly from having a strong male role model who is untouched by the drama their mother's boyfriend is embroiled in.

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (2 May 2015):

When exes cause trouble in the new relationship, people make the mistake of focusing on the ex instead of their partner. It's HIS problem, not yours and HE should be the one putting a stop to all this. That's his responsibility. Tell him as much.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (1 May 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntYour re-submittal ("new info?") doesn't change a single letter of my advice.... and probably doesn't change that of the other Aunts and Uncles, either.....

You are going to great lengths to convince us - and YOURSELF, apparently - that this problem is of the ex-. IT'S NOT!!!! It's B/F's problem... and you can either continue to wallow in its swill.... or, you can remove yourself from the situation.... Just two choices... You pick....

Good luck...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2015):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Just wanted to make sure that everybody knows that I just because the twin boys mother talks crap about me and my kids. I do not tell my kids about what is said. I don't allow them to see what is going on so Im not putting my kids thru anything. No right parent should ever put their kids thru something like that. I keep my problems out of their eyes. And my fiancé has also text her saying to stop harassing him & texting so late all the time. But I think that she knows it bothers him, so she keeps doing it. Shes that type of person that loves to cause drama in other peoples lives.

I do appreciate everybodies opinion to help me better understand what to do. I just wanted to make sure you knew of this additional stuff.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2015):

"What can I do legally to get her to stop with all the crap shes doing so we can live our lives and allowing the kids to enjoy a good upbringing?"

Nothing. As the woman with whom her baby daddy happens to be sleeping you are a legal stranger (no relation by blood, marriage or adoption) and as such you have zero legal standing in her, his or their children's lives.

If I found myself involved in such second-hand drama then my greatest concern would be the toxic effects on my OWN children and I would be doing everything possible to spare them any more unnecessary fallout, up to and including moving out.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 May 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI'd tell him to sort it out... OR leave.

Like I stated in my LAST advice to you... this is NOT about her. IT's about HIM. She is nothing to you and you CAN ignore her.

You are not the step mom. You are the daddy's girl friend.

These are HIS KIDS - HIS responsibility - HIS drama. You... are collateral damage. And he likes the fact that the HEAT of off him and on her.

I don't understand why you are putting YOUR OWN kids through all this dram, just to date a guy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2015):

The only reason a woman would go through all that to cause you problems is because she is not over your fiance. You said he slept with her behind youd back? Honestly, I'd say you get away from the whole situation. I think there is unresolved issues between your diance and his ex if he cant even stand up to her. Shes doing everything on purpose because you have what she wants and wants the kids to call her new boyfriend dad out of spite to your fiance for not being with her. Making him feel the only way the children will truly be his is if hes with her. But like the other people said: its your fiance putting up with the crap. Tell him to get his situation under control or that youre not gonna put up with it. How did you even move past him sleeping with her behind your back? My fiance was trying to sleep with his ex babymomma behind my back and 2 years later we are still battling with trust issues.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (30 April 2015):

janniepeg agony auntI would not get married to him and gradually withdraw as the mother figure. What has your fiance do, besides sleep with her? He could have turned his phone off at night. He could have set it straight with his kids that he's really the father. Your fiance is not worth spending hundreds of dollars on an attorney. Your anger is focused on his ex, like she created all this mess but your fiance is just a freakazoid here. He is apparently doing nothing because he enjoys the drama of having two women fight because of him.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (30 April 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntHis attorney should inform her attorney that there are to be no more late night texts.

What can you do legally to get her to stop with the all the crap?

If I were you I'd get my own attorney and make sure that he or she advises me. Spend a couple of hundred dollars to avoid thousands of dollars spent on this freaky woman's crap.

Your boyfriend chose this woman and then chose to sleep with her again. So let him find out his own path with this freakazoid.

In the meantime, if you really want to be with him, you need to get some qualified legal advice ASAP for yourself so that you and your child aren't harmed by his choice of weirdo baby mommy.

Perhaps the end result will be that you all will wind up getting counseling so that the children don't suffer from the adults' baggage. All of the children.

I don't know why he's such a great guy for you but if I had a child I'd be distancing myself from a guy who can't keep it in his pants and move on. But that's just me.

Get an attorney asap;

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (30 April 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntThis really isn't any of "YOUR" affair.... Sooooo,

I suggest there are only two choices available for you:

1. Tell fiance to face up to her B/S... and make arrangements for it to stop..... IF HE DOESN'T, OR WON'T DO THAT....

2. Tell him kindly and politely, that you won't go through with marriage to him.... and that you wish him good luck for the rest of his life - which he will live WITHOUT you in it!... and go on your way...

Good luck...

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