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Is my personal trainer flirting with me, or only business?

Tagged as: Crushes<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 April 2015) 6 Answers - (Newest, 2 May 2015)
A female Australia age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I have this personal trainer, very early days that messages me, is really friendly in person and asks about my day, my life, my history from school and where I've lived, talks about himself and what he hopes to do in the future. Sometimes when he notices I am tired from a workout, he will tell me to not worry about it and not do anymore. I was sick for a few days and he asked what was wrong and that I hope I get better etc. He always helps me out when we're training, like picking up my water bottle for me/towel or whatever and tries to get quite close to me and semi touchy touchy. I was a little confused with one workout though, for some reason I didn't understand it and I saw him and his friend giggling(maybe about it) when I went to get my towel. I've noticed him checking out my body as well but I know that is normal with our situation. He will even ask if he wants me to go get my bag for me etc. I went and sat down at the cafeteria with a few people and I noticed he walked past and decided to hang around on the other side(on his phone) leaning against a wall, didn't come over though. I went back later on to get a water and he walked past again, and hung around for quite some time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2015):

To the lady that ended up with her trainer, I am glad it worked out for the both of you.

But you are the exception.

Hope OP realizes this and it does not give her hope.

I also ended up with my fitness instructor (not trainer) and we have been together two years this summer. He also resisted me for the longest time because he was weighing whether he wanted to cross professional boundaries and all of that. But he also decided I was worth it and he did! We both had a crush on each other and it worked out.

But.... very rarely does this happen.

OP needs to keep this fact in perspective.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2015):

Ok. Fancying your personal trainer is a cliché. I should know... I used to. We became friends and now we are in a relationship for three years. HOWEVER. He told me he had to think long and hard about crossing that line. To make sure that it was worth it (must have been!)

Anyway all the things that you describe he still does with all his clients. It's part of the job...!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 May 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI think a LOT of personal trainers have an element of seemingly flirtation, they KNOW that if they make the client FEEL good about coming to the gym (looking forward to it and to seeing the trainer) they get better result, and make more money, maybe even get more clients.

They walk a line, some cross it, some adhere strictly to it.

BUT being friendly and MOTIVATING is part of their job.

I had a PT who was HALF my age, funny and charming, but there was NO doubt he was JUST being friendly and we got along great.

I think you are reading MORE into his actions then what's really going on. Don't let that stop you from getting into the shape you want.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (30 April 2015):

A personal-trainer takes care of your body, mind, and spirit from a health-standpoint.

They have to motivate and encourage you. They make small-talk, because that's more polite than dead-air between workouts. He has no particular interest other than professionally. He has to look at your body to evaluate your progress. He also needs to determine what part of your body needs more work.

I'm gay, but my personal-trainer is straight. He has a kid and a girlfriend. He does everything you described in your post. He gets close, and he touches my muscles to determine tone, and checking for knots or possible strain. He uses touch to let me know when my form is off while doing an exercise, or to steady me when lifting. He'll life my leg, lower my back with a gentle hand, or straighten my shoulders. He's hot to look at; but I know it's all strictly part of the job. After a wicked sweat-fest, he slaps me on the back for hard-work. It's a pretty intimate relationship, considering it's all about my body. He's consistent with all of his clients. Male or female.

You're reading too much into it. I'm sure he treats all his good clients the same. He's paid to treat you with respect and to motivate you. He sounds like he does his job well. He also knows he's being watched, if you're at the gym. The wrong moves could cost him his job.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2015):

I can tell you from personal experience that he is being FRIENDLY and DOING HIS JOB. THAT IS ALL IT IS. Anything more is and always will be a FANTASY in your own head.

If you expect any different from this relationship, find yourself another trainer right now.

He is not going to cross the line.

I had a trainer who did all those sorts of things with me. Texted me all the time. Cared about my day. Asked me personal questions. Got me water when I forgot. Told me he will take it easy on me when I was tired. Helped lift me when I could not do pull ups. Looked at my body. (He is human you know and a guy so they notice attractive women). He also had sessions where the whole hour he would stretch me and nothing else because maybe I was stressed out and needed it. He listened to personal problems too and tried to advise. He became a friend. In his case, he muddied the waters too much and became TOO personal which in the end resulted in his down fall. So he crossed the line with me from client to friend without actually CROSSING THE LINE to physical. Know what I mean? Which is a tricky game in his business when you have female clients. Some PT's will purposely mislead you to make you like them and manipulate you so that you keep going back and giving them more of your business. Or if they do see you have a crush, they will purposely feed it to keep you coming back. Again to line their pockets. Yeah unscrupulous but it happens.

Moral of the story. My PT was seeing someone else. I all the while thought he was interested in me. And I even took the bold step of asking him out. He was flattered but refused. And told me he was seeing someone. So I mistook his friendliness and the relationship we had as being more. It never was. Yes I recovered from the embarrassment and he continued to train me. BUT my feelings were too strong and I had to leave him and go NC. It was sad really because he was an awesome trainer and gave me great results. It has been over 2 years this December that I went NC. I actually ran into him in the mall a couple of months back. He is now happily married to that same girl. I found myself another guy too who I am very happy with so things turned out in the end.

Personal trainers need to build these PERSONAL relationships in order to keep you coming back to them so that they keep making MONEY. So they butter you up, they listen, they are your buddy, they make you feel good... and often these signs are misread and misinterpreted... ESPECIALLY by WOMEN. It is their job to cater to you personally as this "personal" touch is what sets them apart.

He isn't into YOU. He is into your BUSINESS. Never, every forget this.

Keep it professional if you want to keep training with him or find yourself another trainer.

Guaranteed, they will all be this way with you. Some may lay it on thicker than others but at the end of the day, they are all the same. Motivated by money.

Good luck.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (30 April 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntI think you are reading too much into this. This guy is a personal trainer. He's going to look at your body. He asks about your day, your life, etc because that will tell him if you are a person who sits at home eating crisps or one who goes out walking the dog three times a day.

If you are tired during a workout then a reasonable personal trainer will make an assessment and suggest you end the workout.

Picking up the water bottle or towel keeps you moving along. My personal trainer who is a woman gets close to me and touchy touchy because she wants to make sure she is there to help me through difficult or challenging moves.

My female personal trainer eyes me up and down, asks about my day, if I'm stressed, how I've been eating. She helps with weights and mats. I know she's happily married. She's just doing her job as a trainer.

If it motivates you to think he has a crush on you then by all means be motivated. But don't be crushed if it turns out not to be the case. And don't quit training or working out because your trainer doesn't crush back on you....

Good for you for working out! Now find a workout buddy and go to the gym without the personal trainer. That's when you will start to see results.

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