A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello friends,It's only about 2 months that I am in a relationship with this guy. Since, we are coming from different countries and I know how hard it is for such kind of relationship to work, I did not take our relationship seriously. However, he made me understand that he loves me very much and that our relationship is not meant for fun only. So, I slowly began to change my mind on our relationship. It's been only two months and everything has changed. First of all, he quitted his job because of serious issues he was having though I tried my best to make him keep his job. He wanted so much to come to see me in my country.Finally he came and it was me who paid for everything (ticket and one month rent). I notice that his behaviour has changed towards me. We keep getting conflicts over small issues not even worth to discuss. At times, as soon as things don't go his way or I don't say things he like, this would just irritate him. In the end, it's always me who is to be blamed. One day, he started to get irritated with me on the phone and I could not accept it and I told him that he should not talk to me like that. He just hang the phone on my face. We discussed about it and in the end it was me who misunderstood him as he said that he was not irritated. But I know he was. And the worst is that he is counting on my support in a financial way to help him execute a proposal for which he would get a large sum of money. He discussed about the project with me and he sweared that if he wants to do the project, it's because of me. At first it was ok if I can't help him financially but he brought the subject so many times and in the end asked me again if I could help him finacially. I just spent a large sum of money and now he still wants me to go and take a loan for him. When I told him that I cannot take such a big loan, he said that if he is not getting any help here, it's better he goes back to his country.I don't know what to do. I want to make him believe that the loan was declined.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 November 2012):
 ...Let's give him the benefit of doubt, and say that maybe he is the one who is being scammed. Or, that he is an impractical dreamer whose dreams are way,way too distant from his current reality.
Anyway, the gist of the question is the same: a) no, don't lend him a sum that you obviously can't afford to lose , b ) no, he should not even have dared asking YOU for such a big favour ( on top of the airplane ticket that you have already paid for him ) after just few weeks from meeting you, and simply the fact that he had the nerve to do it should be enough to make you put his sincerity under closer scrutiny.
Good luck,... and hold on to your money !
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your answers. I am sorry for asking the same question many times. It was because I was so confused as when he talks with me, I feel that he's sincere. I know you all think that I am being scammed but I know how to recognise a scammer and he's not one. It's not because I love him that I'm saying this, no, not at all. However, I've decided that I can't take such a big loan for him and I don't even think he should have asked me this. The loan is just too much.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (11 November 2012):
 Hi
What he MEANS is - if he cannot scam you out of a few thousand dollars then he may as well go home as that is all he wants you for.
1) If you want to be left with a huge debt and a broken heart when he vanishes with your money - then lend him the cash
2) If you want to be debt free,happy,single, ready to look for a decent man - then DO NOT lend him any more money - tell him fly back to wherever he came from.
You have those 2 choices.
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (11 November 2012):
 With only 2 months into the relationship you are taking FAR too big of a risk with this man. I could see it if you had known each other for a year or two, but you are still getting to know each other and for you to make that sort of commitment when the trust level isn't there, is only going to leave you brokenhearted and worry that you'll never see your money again.
I suspect your man is taking advantage of your generosity. His intentions may be good, but at this stage of the relationship, he has a lot of nerve asking you for that sort of money. There is no guarantee he is going to stick around after receiving the money as well.
If his commitment to the relationship is solely based upon your ability to lend him money, I think your answer will be VERY clear. You can always suggest that you give your relationship more time and that his financial ventures will be there in the near future. Also you can suggest to him that he seek out the help from a private ventures firm.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 November 2012):
 He is a scammer.
He doesn't love you.
He doesn't care if you go into debt.
he just wants money.
He doesn't care how he gets it.
He doesn't care if you lose everything you have.
As soon as you take out a loan and give him the money he will disappear.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/already-spent-1000-dollars-to-help-the-man.html
Are you really so desperate to be in a relationship, any relationship, that you have not told this crook, this thief, this abuser of trust where to get off yet.
Good heavens woman, grow some! Don't be the next woman on a current affairs problem crying that some shyster did you for your dough. Use your brains and show him the door!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (11 November 2012):
Oh no- you again. This is the moocher from China that wants you to get a 20.000 USD from your bank, so that he can win a big contract - school uniforms, was it ?
It is a scheme that has SCAM written all over it ,and every respondent, EVERY one of them, told you already , please don't be a fool and get rid of this crook.
This is apparently an advice that you are not prepared to take in consideration, if you keep posting about it- and it is your right doing so, if you are dead set on being scammed. But, pardon me, why asking if your mind is already made up ?
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