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We've known each other 2 weeks so what do you take from these messages?

Tagged as: Dating, Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 March 2015) 8 Answers - (Newest, 1 April 2015)
A female United States age 51-59, *anthinkofaname writes:

I need your opinion please... I started talking to this guy, we started talking everyday for the first 4 days but then he stopped calling and says he us busy. It's a fact that he has a very bust job I understand but he doesn't even answer texts, which takes a minute. I've known him for two weeks now, maybe too soon. But this morning he sent me a text and said """I'm sorry I didn't call you but I been busy at work and got home late and I didn't want to wake you up. But you have become part of my life and you're always in my mind d and in my heart"" I just don't know, I'm confused. He is the one that requested that we always tell each other the truth and no lies. What do you get from this?? Thanks for any thoughts.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (1 April 2015):

CindyCares agony aunt Two weeks that you know him and he should be at your texting beck and call ? he should be always available, and always free, and always attentive, and always in the mood to talk to you ?...

It does not matter if texting back would take a few seconds - the point is that just because he is in your mental and emotional space there and then, not necessarily it must be likewise for him. Even of he lkes you. Even if he likes you a LOT.

Btw, I don't know why people keep saying that texting " only takes a minute "- that's SO hypocritical, for the kind of attention- seeking, sleve-pulling, " are you thinking of me " texting you mean, ladies ( and gentlemen ).

Yes, of course if you text me " see you Friday at 9 " , all I've got to do is to answer " Ok " and that would not be long!

But we aren't exactly talking about that, right ?

Look, making conversation ( by text , in person or by phone ) does take time and concentration, more than it seems at first sight.

Like , yesterday night somebody whatsapped me asking me about my weekend. So, I told him how I had spent it, then of course out of politeness I had to ask him what about HIS weekend and what he had been up to. Then he said something else, and I cracked a joke, and on turn he made another joke, and lo and behold , sooner than I had realized, and the soonest I could disentangle myself without being rude / cold / standoffish , 30/40 minutes had gone- and I had lost the second part of the movie I was watching. And that was just a good friend, imagine if it had been some romantic exchange !

So " it only takes seconds to answer " ... it's just another of those " code " phrases, ( like " we have had our ups and downs like all couples do " in lieu of " we fight like cat and dog because we are incompatible ") Often, it means " I am frustrated because I am not getting the quality and quantity of attention that I have unilaterally decided I should be given ".

Relax. Chill. Don't fret, let him come to you. If he likes you he will, maybe in his non texting way.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (31 March 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntIF YOU REALLY LIKE HIM.... then BACK OFF... let him take the lead....

if you hammer at him it will push him away.

my husband was (and still is) a horrible texter and he does not always reply to me when I WANT him to.

I think he's being honest... what are you implying that because he's not in your face 24/7 that he's lying?

He has a busy job and a life... you want to be part of that life.... then slow your roll...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2015):

My opinion from experience is there is probably somebody else or a few others in the picture. And that is why he has been m.i.a. and hesitant to return texts. Like you say, it takes two seconds to return a text. And when you like someone, you can find two seconds in your day to reply or drop a line.

But that there is somebody else is not a dealbreaker, or shouldn't be. It has only been two weeks. You should expect every single guy that you start dating to have other girls that they are "talking" to. That's a fact of life. When he falls in love, you will be the only one. But this is precisely why upon first dating a guy you should always be more reserved about reaching out to him and let him do ALL the pursuing. Even something as simple as texting and saying hello. Leave it up to him.

Be yourself, be nice to him, be funny, be cool and show him interest, obviously. But let him initiate all the contact between you two and let him do ALL the chasing.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (31 March 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntYou've known him for 2 weeks, how urgent can the texts you are exchanging be at this point? Are you experiencing an emergency?

Relax, lighten up, stop expecting so much.

He's said a nice thing, that you are a part of his life. So slow things down and give him a chance to reach out to you on his time and his terms.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (31 March 2015):

janniepeg agony auntSome people go on the dating site whenever they get a break from their job, then they resume their busy behavior afterwards. Have you met yet? You can't be just talking then suddenly be a part of someone's life. Maybe talking whenever he is free is enough for him, but surely not for you. If he can't get a minute to text you then he doesn't have time to meet you regularly. Think about that. The only thing that I get from him is that he is a busy guy and maybe his ex lied to him, so he made it a point to tell each other the truth.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 March 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI think he WANTS to get to know you, but he doesn't WANT to constantly text you.

Some people treat texting like for emergencies NOT for conversations. And he MIGHT be one of those people who don't like texting while at work, because he is ACTUALLY busy WORKING.

Now you PRESUME answering a text "only takes a minute" but he might NOT be in a place or position where he WANTS to text back. If it's something he can answer in a minute, it's OBVIOUSLY not anything really important. It's chatting.

JUST chill. YOU are old enough to remember how "dating life"

was BEFORE the cell phone. My guess is SO is he.

Just DIAL back the "I want constant contact" a tad it's been what? a week? Instead when you DO talk suggest you go out and do something together over the week-end and while you are there doing whatever, museum, coffee, lunch, dinner, bowling, minigolf, hiking....... YOU TALK.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2015):

Suggest you two meet up so he has less trouble texting and can express himself verbally.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2015):

He does have a crush on you but he wants to back off a bit and not make it too obvious that he does

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