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How to re-create the spark with my ex?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Faded love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 March 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 31 March 2015)
A female Australia age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My ex and I were together for many years, broke up due to communication problems and thought we needed to part ways for awhile. We've kept in contact and have been talking about a reconciliation. During our BU, we worked on ourselves and tried moving on but we can't let go of each other. However, I kind of feel we've been apart too long to really bring the spark back. Or, I'm not sure how to bring it back, that is. There is definitely still feelings/attraction there.

We both still love one another and do want to try again but I'm not sure exactly how to start over. How do we bring that spark back that we had the first time we met? Do I pretend like I've just met him for the first time and if so, how do I do that? You know that excited, on cloud 9, high you get when you first get together with someone? How can we make that happen again. I want to start new as if we've never met and know nothing of each others pasts and slowly get to know each other again, but I'm finding that hard because I *have* met him. I *do* know him. I feel like there's added pressure to NOT do the things we once did that resulted in our last BU. And I have no idea how to approach this because we already do have a past TOGETHER. Any advice please?

View related questions: broke up, my ex, spark

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (31 March 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntI suggest that you two go do adventurous things together. Things that make your heart pound a bit and keep you focused on the activity. Whitewater rafting, hiking, skiing, skating, waterskiing, scuba diving, snorkeling, sky diving, zip lining.

Build a tree house together. Help improve a skate park for kids. Go for a long bicycle ride. Run a 5 or 10 K race together.

Get outside your comfort zones and find a way to get your adrenalin pumping. If you can see each other in a different light where you both are adventurous and brave, that may go quite a long way in firing up a spark.

Best wishes.

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A male reader, CMMP United States + , writes (31 March 2015):

You should date. Don't jump into a relationship... Take it slow and woo each other by doing the same things people do when they're dating. Learn new things together, do fun things, etc.

There's no guarantee it'll be like you just meet but you can at least really learn to live each others company (if that was ever the case).

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (31 March 2015):

janniepeg agony auntNo you don't pretend you just met him. I don't think you necessarily have to recreate the spark, because it implies that spark is gone and can't ever get back. You can either go to a place you met at a first date, or you can go to a new restaurant together. When you first met you don't think about break ups, the pasts or the future. You just enjoy the moment. Be the spark and generate it from within. You are a happy person so there shouldn't be any extra effort. Just being with him is enough. No need for tricks, magic or lines.

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