A
male
age
41-50,
*ickcarter
writes:I have been renting a room in a house share for about 5 years. I am living with 5 other people and at times i didn't like it but i didn't have a choice. I have always worked full time.All my friends were getting on the property ladder and getting their own places with help from their parents and i admit, i was jealous. I am 29 and i hated living in a bedroom wasting money on rent.I spoke to my mum and she said getting my own place would be a good idea. My parents have quite a bit of money and are divorced, so she spoke to my dad. He wasn't much help but me and mum went to look at places together. I couldn't buy a place on my own as these days you need a big deposit and i was paying rent. While i was on holiday with my girlfriend, my mum text me to let me know she had put an offer on one of the flats and it had been accepted. All i needed to do was find a housemate to split the mortgage with and that was all. I was overjoyed as my half was actually cheaper than renting a bedroom.My girlfriend lives 10 minutes from the flat so it was perfect, i started looking for housemates and i told my friends and her family and gave notice on my bedroom and started to make plans. I was so happy, i felt that my life was going somewhere. The estate agents sent the letters of the offer etc to my house (rather than my mums - i think it was an honest mistake as they took my details initially when i inquired about houses) and they didn't send them to my mum.She called me up today, going mad as they hadn't sent the letters to her and she was very angry. She said she couldn't do business with people like that and she told me that she has pulled out of the sale.This now leaves me in limbo, as i had made the plans and thought i would be moving in 8 weeks. I am so so angry and think she has been so irrational about this. Sometimes things don't run smoothly but this is awful. This was my only way forward, you know? She is now saying she will buy a little place to rent out near where she lives - 2 hours away.Do you think she is acting crazy? I am so angry i don't want to speak to her and i'm help
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cheap, divorce, jealous, money, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (20 July 2012):
 There are other flats for sale out there and it sounds as though you really hadn't worked through the details properly with your mother.
If you are saving to buy a flat, things like holidays may not be possible, you do realize that, don't you? Perhaps your mother felt you were not handling the details of the purchase correctly
If I'm confused, maybe your mother is confused as well.
Who is buying the flat? You, with a loan from your mother, or your mother, and you get to live there with a flatmate?
I would sit down, figure out how much money you need to borrow from her, write up a proper loan agreement, agree on a payback rate and present that to her. The way you described the process you went through was very casual.
Your mother made an offer while you were on holiday? Isn't you who should be making the offer as it's YOUR house, purchased with a loan from your mother?
So my point is that you should make this as businesslike as possible and find a way to make it easy for your mother to help you. Right now, it sounds as though she was the point person for the purchase of the house, or thought she was, yet the estate agents thought they were dealing with you.
You need to nail down the details, down to the last little annoying details. What happens if .... you can't pay the mortgage that month? .... your flatmate moves out? .... you suffer an injury and can't work any more? ... all the piddly little details that should be worked out, first, in advance.
Wait a bit, calm down, there are other flats out there in the world and your life is not ruined forever because of a misunderstanding.
Maybe your mother is as confused as you seem to be... sounds like you need to have a calm and loving talk with the woman who had been planning to help you out in a big way.
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (20 July 2012):
 It seems a bit much to be that angry about, but yuor mum might have other things no her mkind or she was a bit skittish about buying the property in the first place and this gave her an out.
She may calm down and change her mind before long. Give her a bit of space, test her mood and then have a chat with her.
Honeypie, I don't think the OP assumed is saying her parents should buy her a house. She's upset and scared that she went ahead and made big changes based on the offer that was made on the property and now she's worried about being left high and dry is all. If someone volunteers or agrees to do a favour they shouldn't back out last minute (without good reason) and leave the one to whom the favour is granted hanging in the breeze.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 July 2012):
 I'm thinking maybe she's having second thoughts too.. that it's more than she can really afford...
and Honeypie, My parents helped with my first house.. I did not ask... it was in my trust fund (yeah I hate to admit it I was a trust fund baby)....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 July 2012):
 I'm actually amazed that you assume your parents should pay for your first home. I took out a loan at 21 for my first 2 bedroom apartment, I worked 3 jobs and was in college. I didn't expect my parents to pay a dime. They did however buy me some furniture which I was eternally grateful for. By 25 my apartment was paid off.
Though I think it was a ridiculous reason to pull out of the deal, are you sure there aren't something else going on? As in, she can't really afford it?
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