A
male
age
41-50,
*uitar_dude
writes:Hi I'm after some advice, my wife and I are seperating and she is going home to live in Canada with my 2 year old daughter. We have both had huge money problems while we have been together for the last 6 years and there's been big issues with my family who have never welcomed her, my mother didn't come to our wedding, has never called us up, invited us for dinner, visited my wife in hospital when she had our daughter, visited us after the birth, asked to see our daughter the list goes on and on...... When I said we were seperating they said I should fight for custody, even though it wasn't something I wanted to do. I have defended my family for years but realize they are negative people in my life and I don't want them in my life my wife says I should have done it before and not defended their actions for so long and I know she is right I'm retraining as an Electritian to go to Canada myself hopefully next year, I really want my wife back as she's one in a million and I love her so much, how do I cope with a long distance seperated relationship with her? how do I cope not seeing my daughter? How can I show my wife she means the world to me without pushing her away? Any advice greatfully recieved!
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 October 2010):
 Good on you guitar dude, I think you are making the right choice. Maybe one day your mother will come round, I hope so .... but in the meantime you need to build a future for your wife and child
good luck to you all with your plans for a new future!
A
male
reader, guitar_dude +, writes (3 October 2010):
guitar_dude is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers, I have definately decided to stick with my wife and daughter, the rift between my mother and myself has been going on for a long time and she does not wish to discuss things. In my mind I have no doubt I should have moved away from my family along time ago, it's a painful thing to say. As for firghting for my daughter, really never crossed my mind, because my wife is a wonderful mum and my daughter needs to be with her mum. I really don't have anything here to stay for axccept my friends and they understand, my wife has said many times before that she did'nt like it here and wanted to go home, especially as her family are so supportive and my family just isn't, but because I was so torn between my family and my wife I was wimpish and couldn't be definate either way being so stuck in the middle. Now I know the way I want to go, I hope it's not too late!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): Hey,
You should talk to your wife and make her understand that you know your mistakes and are ready to work on them and the fact is that you Are working on them. So thats great.
My parents went through similar problems. I mean my dad was out of job at one time and his mother was not at all nice to my mother. She humiliated her a lot. She induced fights between my parents.
But the fact is that they stuck together, and saw though it all, together. What matters is the love that you have for each other. You need to stick together through problems. Its never too late to realize mistakes...is what your wife needs to know. You have to stick through these problems. Separation is really, Really not the answer to such problems. At the moment, you are at a vulnerable position, at times she will be facing some problems, it doesn't mean you'll turn away.
You must ask your wife for a proper reason behind her thinking of separation. Its valid that she has not been treated nicely, its not valid enough to leave you. You have realized your mistake and That's what really matters.
I understand, you're basically sitting on the fence between your parents and wife. I know its really hard...but I think, you should just take time to think which way you want to go.
Let me remind you that this is just a phase and it will fizzle out gradually. Just bring yourself together and figure out a definite decision.
Your family is probably not negative but wanted something for you which they thought was best for you. But the fact is that, its your decision. You get to choose who you want to spend the rest of your life with. So I think you should just talk it out with your wife. Make her understand that its never too late to realize mistakes...you guys have a whole life ahead of you.
I hope you get through this problem as soon as possible.
Wish you all the best with your life.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (3 October 2010):
Has your wife held out the olive branch if you do go to Canada, or are you just going in the hope you can get back together again.
Reading you question makes me think your wife must have had a miserable time of it with your family, I am happy to see you now realise you should have stood up to them in the beginning.
I have no advise on how you can convince your wife that she is your world, I'm sorry about that but I do hope you can both work this problem out!
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