A
male
age
36-40,
*oul83
writes:Some of you may remember my posts in the past. Well the good news is that we have been getting along well and building our future together.Bit there are two big pressures that I face on a continual basis. The first is the fact that I am expected to do the cooking and I'm not good at it. About 99% of what I make, my wife refuses to eat. She reckons the only time she feels full is when her mum comes to cook. I am out of ideas and think this is not a reason for her to be so upset with me and that she should try to cook for herself.Now the second issue is more serious and I can't provide a quick fix. We don't have much money and all I can do is work hard and try to save and find better work. But she works in the real estate industry and sees the housing book now and the prices set to double (we live in Australia) within the next year. So she wants us to own our own home and make better progress. Try to avoid getting trapped into renting for the rest of our lives and living so poorly!So do you think that less than two years of marriage that involves a major relocation to another country is enough reason to divorce your spouse simply because they couldn't provide a home quick enough or cook properly for you??I think that's unfair. I blame myself for getting married with little money and not stepping up to the husband role of providing the home. I simply need more time for us to get to that stage!Opinions please and you can be as straight to the point as you like. Thanks!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): "Hey I'm worried about my credit rating being trashed if I have to declare bankruptcy from not being able to pay off the expenses. That's my main concern.""I haven't forgiven my parents for standing over me yelling at me to sign the paper and finish it off when I was wanting a few days to process and not just walk away immediately.""I think we need to consider the idea of buying a home further away from the city to start with. Although getting an investment property is the way to start out (apartments in the city)."I must applaud you for elevating ignoring advice you don't want to hear into an art form. I don't know if your delusional or just thoroughly pussy(cat) whipped, just know there is no helping someone who refuses to help himself.
A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (16 April 2013):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell the standard thing I'm hearing from her is that she loves le but feels upset about the poor relationship shebhas with my mother. I used to lean on mum for support during rough times because I had no one to turn to un China. But that unfortunately worked completely against me because mum developed a disliking to her.Now the big problem that is hurting her so much (she was in tears last night again) is simply that she wants the perfect marriage where her children will know the grandparents on both sides but she never wants my parents to see our children because mum wrote a letter to immigration trying to cancel her visa when I went to stay there after the big fight a couple of months ago. I haven't forgiven my parents for standing over me yelling at me to sign the paper and finish it off when I was wanting a few days to process and not just walk away immediately. I hate that they told me ebough is enough, you must send her home! I was a mess. Sitting at the table crying and mum yelled that she was taking the letter and posting it and wouldn't stop me.So after a sleepless night dealing through the drama and bring told the marriage has been permanently damaged, today she told me that she left a small booking deposit for an apartment through her real estate company. Apparently she can get the money back if she changes her mind but she wanted to catch one quickly and then check with her professional colleagues about it. Then if she wants to proceed, she would tell me!! I naturally can't accept that because it is supposed to be our first home but its like I am the last to know and don't have any input into the decision. Yet it will be me that has to meet the costs and we aren't a position for that. She could sink her life savings into this and lose it all because I may not be able to afford to keep it.Y work is low paid at the moment. Hey I'm worried about my credit rating being trashed if I have to declare bankruptcy from not being able to pay off the expenses. That's my main concern.Anyway, I will see how it all goes. This is the second time she tried to secure a home but she knows that without my consent, we won't get the home. I have some ideas for us but I understand she is so worried about the fact that the real estate market is set to double in the next 12 months and everyone is buying up right now before prices increase any further. There's a huge amount of development going on to meet the 26,000 apartment shortage through Sydney. So there's a lot to get involved in. A lot of rich Chinese that migrated here are cashing in on it all. You only need to walk around the mini high rise estates to see them all. They love the apartment living because its what they are used to in China.I think we need to consider the idea of buying a home further away from the city to start with. Although getting an investment property is the way to start out (apartments in the city).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013):
If someone wants to leave you for a significant reason or issue which you cannot work through then it might be deemed a 'valid' reason.
If someone WANTS to leave you for a small insignificant reason which doesn't matter or you feel that you could work through... and yet they still WANT to leave you regardless... then why would you want to stay with such a person anyway? She WANTS to leave you, emotionally, so let her go.
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A
male
reader, Calum  +, writes (15 April 2013):
You need to get into the real world, stepping up and being a husband? My opinion of marriage is that it's a unity of love and you both support each other to make a better life for the both of you as one. Talk to your wife, it sounds like you have no confidence in your position and you talk like you are a servant. Of course you can cook, who can't? get a cook book, organise for both you and your wife to cool together.... Communicate!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013): "Yeah the biggest issue is of course surrounding my parents."
You don't get it, and you never will. The biggest issue is of course you married a psycho.
"So there's this ongoing problem of how she wants a home bit at the same time wants her children to know both grandparents which will never happen as she doesn't want my mother to come near her or to see the grandchildren."
How could anyone in full control of their faculties possibly be considering dooming his own innocent spawn to life with a psycho-bee-awtch-from-Hell as a mother . . . never mind, just answered my own rhetorical question.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 She wants she wants she WANTS
what Do you want other than to continue to be shackled to this abusive woman?
I think YOU should stop taking her threats to divorce you and call her bluff and kick her out and divorce her.
how's that for straight to the point.
CindyCares said it very nicely...
YOU will never be ENOUGH FORM HER! She is never going to be happy and you will bear the brunt of her disappointment and anger forever... is this how you want to live forever?
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A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (15 April 2013):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah the biggest issue is of course surrounding my parents. They treated my wife badly (mum in particular) and she blames me because a few years ago I sought out support from mum while living overseas away from family and friends and end. o was going through a hard time with her.
So there's this ongoing problem of how she wants a home bit at the same time wants her children to know both grandparents which will never happen as she doesn't want my mother to come near her or to see the grandchildren. See, mum tried to post a letter that would cancel her visa after o came down distressed from my wife threatening me with a knife...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013): "So do you think that less than two years of marriage that involves a major relocation to another country is enough reason to divorce your spouse simply because they couldn't provide a home quick enough or cook properly for you??"
No, but marrying a psycho whom you never should have married is enough reason to divorce.
"I blame myself for getting married with little money and not stepping up to the husband role of providing the home. I simply need more time for us to get to that stage!"
As you've blamed yourself for every other interminable crisis you've detailed in past posts for which you've proposed an ineffectual solution that avoids the root of your problem, which is you married a psycho whom you never should have married.
"Opinions please and you can be as straight to the point as you like. Thanks!"
We can be as straight to the point as we like because as always you are going to ignore the only reasonable advice anyone who has followed your travails can offer (divorce the conniving psycho female canine), leaving DC readers to breathlessly await your next rambling post in which you micro-analyze your latest petty juvenile disagreement with your usual complete and utter lack of insight and context.
Until next time.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 Now , now, soul 83... you are tryng to play with loaded dice. Nice try, but no cigar.
Of course if there are new posters or posters that don't remember your story well, there's going to be a chorus of " Oh no, of course they are not valid reasons, you can't break a marriage because of poor cooking skill or because of not having bought a house in less than 2 years of marriage ".
But, those who remember your posts , know very well that's not just about the cooking or about the house . You had tons of issues already before getting married, then you foolishly got married all the same, then you had tons of issues, in fact they got worse, in the beginning, and in the middle, and in the end, I figure, of your marriage life ( you say that you have been getting along lately... but your last post with the last update of your coniugal misadventure is not that far back in time at all, I am sure ) . You've got issues, many. You probably still would have issues even if you'd buy her a house and hire a Chinese cook today. Nobody is doing anything constructive about these issues, seeing a shrink, seeing a marriage counselor, seeing a divorce lawyer.... she, I bet, keeps berating you and raising pure hell,... and you keep complaining and writing to Dear Cupid.
Sigh. Some things never change .
Maybe that's why your wife wants to divorce , she suspects it's not a matter of patience, of waiting 1, 3, 5 years : she feels that you are resistent to change and will keep saying the same things and doing the same mistakes for who knows how long.
Then again, to be fair , this is not the first time she says she want to divorce, right ? she said it several times already... but then it never happens, so maybe she is one that does not like change either...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013): I'm sorry to say but your wife sounds selfish and difficult to reason with. Marriage is a partnership.If she doesn't like your cooking, she can do the cooking and you do other chores. Or she can teach you to prepare the food she likes.
As for the home - you both know how much savings you have and what a mortgage will mean for your quality of life if you get one now. You could seek objective financial advice about whether to do it now or later from an objective party which would be a fair compromise.
She sounds difficult and manipulative. If she is threatening divorce, I'd say you're better off with someone more mature, reasonable and considerate.
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