A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ten years ago I met a guy and we quickly fell in love ..long story short he became violent, controlling along with plenty of other issues. At that time we were living together and I had a young child in the home. With that said my family became aware of what was happening, and forbid me to ever have anything to do with him again.As hard as I tried to stay away we could never not see one another..regardless if I had a boyfriend or if he had a girlfriend we would always manage to see one another, usually ending with incredible love making..it always remaind a secret unless one of us didnt have a significant partner at the time..we would get jealous, try and ruin the others relationship, provide emails, texts, messages for the girlfriend/boyfriend..it was always very intense..and always led to him using violence on his current girlfriend at the time..his violence with me stopped, but he remained very jealous and controlling....Three years ago..I met somebody else, I loved him very much he treated me wonderful, I trusted him, he took care of me and my child.and I married him....This was the first time I had EVER stopped having contact with Jaime..We did not speak for over 2.5 years...deep down I was still very much in love with him, he was never out of my mind, always in my heart...I broke down and saw him, we picked up were we left off, it was as if a day hadnt gone by btwn us. Our love making, kissing, everything was amazing as it had always been.The horrible part is..I was still married..it came to my attention through email from a very upset women..that "I had been F'ing her "live in boyfriend" I was unaware of any of it. Jaime always said he was single.I had noooo idea he was in a serious relationship. She threatened to blackmail me, contact my husband, came to my home..basically made my world hell..she stated she had emails, phone records, pictures..etc..I quickly took myself out of that triangle and tried to carry on with my marriage. However it was not successfull, and I am now in the middle of a divorce.So here is my question: I again started to see Jaime(he was now broken up with his girlfriend) and have been for 4 months..we have dinner, sleepovers, dates, we text/talk everyday all day long, we say I love you, have incredible sex still after ten years, we kiss for hours on end..we tell each how much we love each other, we can hardly stand to be away from each other...etc..I have always had a bit of a trust issue b/c I have seen first hand all the women he has cheated on..(with me).But he has always sworn up and down that I am the only one, he isnt with anybody else..he sounds like a broken record I ask sooo much.My gut feeling always seemed to remain..especially when I couldnt get in touch with him hours on end..b/c his phone was on silent, or he was playing soccer..BS like that..I decided to contact his ex girlfriend to see if he had contacted her recently for any reason. I left her a message through Facebook..ans to my surprise when she replied to my answer..she just so happend to be on the phone with Jaime..as he was DENYING our entire relationship. .He pulled the "I am crazy" card, she doesnt have my number card.,,havent seen her in months card...I was shocked!!He would not answer my phone calls, texts,nothing..no explanation, no nothing..AND he invited us BOTH to spend Thanksgiving with him at his families out of town! He told me finally tonight he has been sleeping with her, and having a realtionship with her for quite sometime..He has basically told me he never loved me, and will do what ever it takes to make things work with him and his ex.??I may sound naive, but I am always on top of my game..however this MF was super slick..I know I know it serves me right..I just NEVER thought he would do this to me??SO, why do you think he behaves like this, how does somebody carry on with two different lives, is it a sickness, and did he ever love me?? Can anybody out there help me understand!!!!
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divorce, ex girlfriend, facebook, fell in love, his ex, I love you, jealous, kissing, text, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): You seriously need counseling before you have any more relationships.
You have issues you need to dig up.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 December 2010):
That sounds absolutely TOXIC! Why are you denying yourself some happiness in life? He surely can't provide that for you.
You need to let him go, to NOT worry about WHAT he think or feels (if the guy have any feelings at all). Focus on yourself. LEARN to say NO (to him), cut him out of your life, you really CAN do it if you want to.
You are basically letting him control your life and your happiness. Isn't it time you took responsibility for that yourself, by putting him in the past?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): You have been taken for a ride - on and off for ten years. Your marriage broke up in part because of him. You seem to feel you had somehow a special place in his life but now it seems maybe he was playing this game all the time. I fear this saga could go on and on. He will become bored of his current partner and then be back in contact with you, no doubt. This special connection you feel you have between you is drawing you continually back to him and him to you. But there are no happy endings. Just the thrill of passing phases. Before he pops back into your life again at some later stage you need to decide if you want this. For ultimately you risk the chances of forming a new relationship with someone which will last.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Because he is a loser, a liar, a low down dirty cheating dog, a scum sucking soulless douche bag, an abusive piece of trash.
He never loved anyone as much as he loved himself. He enjoyed having his live in girlfriend and having you on the side. It made him feel big time.
He dumped you because you were upsetting his other situation instead of accepting it like you should have (in his mind).
I would bet money that he will try oozing back in your life in a few years. I hope you are strong enough to say no next time. No matter how you feel in your heart, you must remember he has never ever loved you. He would not have hurt you if he did.
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