A
male
age
51-59,
*reeme
writes:We’ve all met them. Gorgeous, intelligent women, who have what outsiders would judge, as beautiful lives. They have success in family and professional life, and in love. I’ve met some who are not only gorgeous and intelligent, but outstanding people as well.Some of you women might consider yourself to fit into at least one of the adjectives above.Here is my question. Women like this; who have the power to ensnarl a man with a simple passionate look; who have the power to make a man dream of them minute by minute; Do these women enjoy crushing a man’s heart for sport? Because they can? Or do we men bring this on ourselves? Does a woman who is beautiful and knows a man is falling for her, does she string him along for amusement, knowing that he is going to fall hard into heartbreak? Is this a conscious act?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (5 July 2011):
 I dont like to say I am any of those things you mention, but I guess if people looked at my life I'm sure they would think I have a wonderful life, plus I have never had a problem meeting men since the age of 15 and I often get chatted up despite having a partner so I guess you could say I am attractive. I am indeed intelligent, but I am not sure I would go as far as saying I could ensnare a man with a simple look, but anyway.....
I have never enjoyed hurting a man, I would never hurt anyone simply because I know I could - that indicates a woman with no heart, morals or compassion and that is not me.
Admittedly, there was once a man who I met and he was lovely, we got on well but there was no physical attraction (on my part) and I knew that from the start. This is probably the worst I have ever treated a man, I went along with it anyway because the attention was nice, I was the most attractive woman he had ever been with (not blowing my own trumpet here, his ex's were pretty bad and I just looked better in comparison) and I could tell he couldnt believe his luck. So he took me out a lot, wanted sex all the time (he wasnt good in bed either unfortunately), cooked for me...you name it, he did it.
I guess in a way I was stringing him along - not to hurt him though, and not for fun - more because we had a lot in common and part of me wanted to not be this shallow and rise above the poor skills in the bedroom or the lack of physical attraction. But in the end I couldnt, and despite how nice the attention was I had to end it, and I did it in a horribly cowardly way (I am not good and breaking up with people!). I did hurt him, and I felt awful about it - I wished I had acted differently from the start.
So if this story tells you anything - yes women can string men along and they know they are doing it - but they will have reasons. Some might be like me, wanting to try and make things work despite knowing deep down it wont. Some may just enjoy the attention and have no better prospects at the time, but very few will be out to play with a man's heart and deliberately trying to hurt him.
If you are regularly meeting women who are this sadistic, then I think it might be you that is going for the wrong women!
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (5 July 2011):
freeme is verified as being by the original poster of the question I'd like to hear more answers from more women. I appreciate the one's I've read so far. They are interesting and helpful.
Please though, don't make assumptions about me or any woman that may have inspired this question. This is really about me attempting to learn something about the way women think.
I am aware that there are young, immature women out there that have yet to learn that the silver spoon has strings and isn't always as nourishing as they think. I'm not sure I'd categorize them as intelligent and successful.
Again, you're answers are helpful, thank you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): Well, I'm not leading what you'd call a "successful" life but I've recently lost some weight, gained some confidence and several men are now interested in me (as opposed to before).
I don't like to play with a man's heart. But seeing how much effect a little change in weight, clothing and attitude has had, I can't take all of this affection too seriously. It has made it kind of difficult to tell who is interested in ME and who's just projecting his fantasies on to me.
I don't feel responsible for somebody's heartbreak if I feel he's never really been in love with ME but with his personal fairytale of being with "a woman like this". However, I also don't get a kick out of it, or try to make this heartbreak happen.
If a man really gets to know me, if he's interested in me and falls in love with me and I don't fall in love with him, I don't enjoy this but suffer very badly. I go on and on, thinking about where I could have stopped this happening.
In general, I'd say women like to please, to harmonize and to be nice to their company, so we're not really good at rejecting others.
If a woman is stringing a man along, it might be that she's just not courageous enough to tell him the truth and hopes for his affection to magically dissolve and become friendship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): Yes, there are some women who enjoy stringing men along like this, just as there are some men who enjoy stringing women along. But the majority do not take pleasure in crushing others and would be horrified if they knew that what they consider "just being friendly" is being interpreted as "purposely ensnaring" men.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 July 2011):
 Shit happens. Sometimes it IS conscious. What you need to do is read the signs, so it won't happen to you ever again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): it all depends. i am not one of those women, however, i'd like to believe that most of these women don't mean any harm. there are some that do. they know they have that power to attract like nobody's business and they use it just to laugh at the poor guys. but for the others, they may fit those categories and don't mean to hurt any feelings. people in general appreciate when people show interest in them, so they may just like the attention because they feel they need to be appreciated from time to time for their image. i will have to say guys should be warned to really pay attention to these women. know which ones are playing around and which ones just want reassurance that they're attractive to someone. you'd have a better time talking to one of those women.i'm probably rambling, but hopefully this helps at least a little bit.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): You're assuming anyone who is beautiful and has a moderate degree of success in life, as defined by others, is automatically a soul-sucking she-demon out only for herself.
Not everyone is a wanker, man or woman.
Just because you have had your heart broken by one woman who just happened to be a complete bitch, don't convince yourself that they all are. Because the greater majority are not. In fact the greater majority are just as fallible, gullible, worrisome, and nervous as you are.
Flynn 24
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): It's not something I did on purpose. It was just that men were always tripping over themselves to be near me from when I was age 12 and on. I was tall, so looked older. It's hard to have so much attention all of the time. I turned into a bitch just wanting guys to leave me alone sometimes. Now that I'm older I realize that I treated a lot of guys very badly. I would do it differently if I could.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): More often than not women don't enjoy hurting people. If a woman does, she has some issues of her own and isn't as "outstanding" as you think she is.I wouldn't call myself outstanding, but I have had to let some close male friends down easily when they wanted me. It wasn't amusing, a fun little game, or anything. It hurt me so badly to see them suffer and know that I was the one who caused it. Women have a tendency to try and ignore the fact that someone is falling for them, at least from what I've observed. "Oh, he's being really kind and caring, we're just really good friends I'm sure!" We delude ourselves into thinking that when we want to be friends with someone but we get the irking suspicion that they're interesting in more.It's a terrible feeling. Anyone who gets joy from it is sick in the head; a sociopath maybe.
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