A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This might seem like a strange question to ask help for, but I don't know who to turn to for advice.When I was 16 I was friends with an older man who told me he was a photographer. I was happy at first because I was studying photography at college. I was going through a bad period at this time- my Grandad had just passed away, was being bullied and my now ex boyfriend was a complete idiot. I was glad I had someone to talk to about things.But then things took a turn for the worse- he started become very pervy towards me, making inappropiate comments. I stupidly agreed to pose for some of his photos. One night after me and my ex broke up he and my ex tricked me into sleeping with him as a sort of "loyalty test".I stopped talking to him altogether after he tried to force himself on me when I refused to have sex with him again. I haven't told anyone about any of this except my present boyfriend who knows him and one or two close friendds who said it was my own fault.It's been over two years since all this happened and I've attempted to move on with my life, but it's hard when things are keeping me from doing so. I was indecently assaulted by a stranger one evening a few months ago and the case is going to court soon. I was made homeless recently and ended up moving to the same town as this guy which means I see him around sometimes and it brings back bad memories. He's threatened me in the past which makes me worry about my safety.And to make things worse I've discovered the photos he took on several sites on the internet. I've tried reporting the images but that doesn't seem to work. He's still doing his "photography" and I heard he's using underage girls too. It feels like everyone is laughing at me and even my boyfriend is making me feel guilty.I feel so miserable. What should I do? (I understand I brought it on myself)
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broke up, bullied, move on, my ex, older man, period, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 December 2009):
 1. Go to the police ( make you you know which websites these pictures are posted on for proof)
2. Let it go, as in, forgive yourself. Most people have done something dumb in their lives for whatever reason. He took advantage of a young, vulnerable and naive girl and if you don't do something, he will continue to do this. Maybe not to you, but to others.
I hope he rots in Hell.
*hugs*
A
male
reader, ????RB???? +, writes (15 December 2009):
tell the pervert what you are going to do if he doesnt remove and stop these photos then tell the police and parents. you may get a ear full off your parents but then its over and you have no need to worry!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): You can report this man to the police for threatening you and if you think this man is now using under age girls for what amounts to pornography, you really have a duty to inform the police about that too. If he is breaking the law the images will be confiscated and that might include anything he has of you. Also, alot of solicitors will give a half hour free consultation, so it might be worth going to speak to one about this man using your pictures on the internet. The laws are changing about internet useage so you may be able to legally make him remove your pictures from sites. As for living in the town where he also resides. Do you really have to? Isnt there anywhere else you could move to? Im sure people arent all laughing at you, even if it feels they are at the moment. What you did was a bit daft but you were young and when we are young we do daft things. If anyones to blame its the creep that took advantage of a 16 year old kid! Try and find a way to move out of that town, maybe slowly distance yourself from friends you have in common and try to put the past behind you. Your boyfriend shouldnt be making you feel guilty. You say he knows the pervert that took pictures of you. Thats not good, i would seriously think about moving on from him as he knows this person and hes also making you feel worse about it all. None of it sounds very healthy for you. At the end of the day, someone took some pictures of you that ended up on the net. Its unfortunate but you mustnt let it ruin your life sweety. As they say...worse things happen at sea, so try to keep it all in perspective and move as soon as you can.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (15 December 2009):
 You need to speak to the police. They now have specially trained officers who will handle such complaints sensitively. Although at the age of consent, you were still young when this happened and evidence from your computer and phone can be gathered to make a case against this man. This would be the right thing to do in the long run as it may prevent him from taking advantage of young girls in the future...that said, and if your too scared to face this process, you could perhaps speak to a mediator or counsellor.
You already have a case going to court and this is probably a good time to get everything else thats happened to you, out in the open.
You sound like you truly need to have someone close who you can confide in and whom you can trust, like a social worker or tutor or even a close family member or friend.
It's a tricky situation but this man has broken the law and needs to be brought to book.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (15 December 2009):
 Baby girl, it's time to fight back and stop allowing yourself to be victimized by this pervert, your friends or your boyfriend. Don't blame yourself for the bad behavior of others, and don't let others tell you it is all your fault. The more you walk around living in fear and holding your head down, the more likely you are to become the target for someone else's abuse and manipulation. You are not weak. You are not stupid and you don't need others to validate you.As far as the pervert, if you didn't give him signed permission to post those photos, you may be able to take him to court to have them removed from the internet, especially since you were only 16 at the time they were taken. Don't live in fear of this creep; if you see him in public, stare him down. His power lies in your fear--strip him of that power by showing him that you are not afraid of him. I agree with CaringGuy that you should also take some time and look at your life and the people you choose to share it with. Your friends and your boyfriend all know this pervy guy and are blaming you and adding to you feeling victimized. You need to get new friends and a new boyfriend and surround yourself with better people.
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A
male
reader, Boredatwork +, writes (15 December 2009):
 If you were 16 at the time the photos were taken, inform the police.. They will be taken down and him/the site owner will get what they deserve.
Dont blaim yourself, your not the first and definetly not the last girl this will happen to. Just do your bit to help protect other girls from him in the future.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 December 2009):
I don't think you did bring it on yourself. It's easy to say that. But you were in an unhappy period of your life, and your turned to someone for help and comfort. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. I'm not sure anything can be done about the pictures, though it might be worth speaking to the police about it. In any case, it sounds like you really need to look at your own life now. Your friends aren't really that great, your boyfriend is making you feel bad. Maybe it's just time to move forward with your life and look for what you want. Ask yourself what your dreams and hopes are. Anything. Look at your life, and start again. There's time. All the best.
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