A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Quick questionHow long would you generally leave it before talking to a girl before asking to meet up kind of thing?I was out with a couple of buddies friday night, and one of these guys had his gf out. They don't really speak much on a night out, just keep theirself to their groups.But on this particular night they were arguing, so I ended up speaking to one of the girls that my bud's gf was out with (it also turns out it is this dude's cousin).She broke the touch barrier a few times, ran her hand down my chest a little lol And we just joked around for a bit of the night.We then moved clubs and I asked my mate if he would be bothered if i made a move and he told me to crack on. So we danced for a while and then she said she had to go as she had work in the morning, so she kissed me and I asked for her number.I was pretty drunk, so I text her something along the lines of so when are we meeting up lol and she replied saying tomorrow.I sent a text after it but she didn't reply to it. I text her about 5pm the following day and we just carried on with the normal small talk.I'm usually one of these guys that beats around the bush a lot and I think that's what gets me friendzoned. So I kinda tried to see if I could fast track this one lolI messaged her tonight asking if she's up to much this coming week, she said mainly just college work and I asked if she would like to chill and she replied if she has free time.Now I'm kind of a pessimist considering I don't have a whole load of confidence when it comes to girls, so I'm thinking that maybe that's one of those 'letting me down gently' tactics. But there was an obvious physical attraction because she was being pretty touchy feely, we had a good laugh and of course she kissed me and gave me her number.Now I'd just like to know whether people think I'm over -reacting here or I'm right in assuming I've been pied off lolI haven't replied to the text yet as it was pretty late so I'll just try and pick it up again tomorrow morning.But I always just see it as if you really wanted to see someone, then you would do, simple as that.Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 November 2013):
 ya know if a guy called me and asked me if i wanted "to chill" (not texting but phone calls) I would assume he was friend zoning me....
IF YOU like a young lady and you want to DATE a young lady then CALL HER and ASK HER FOR A DATE...
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 November 2013):
 I agree with TasteofIndia too
ASK her out on a PROPER DATE - name a day, time and what you plan to do. The wanna hang? Sounds more like you are trying to get into her pants only AKA hook up.. Take her out to the movies or heck a museum if she likes art, something other then sitting in each other's room wonder what to do next.
Give her AT LEAST a week in advance. Don't ask her the day before or a couple of days before, because she MIGHT have a social life and studies to work around it.
And MAN up and CALL her. Don't carry on through text.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 November 2013):
 I think the same as TasteofIndia but didn't bother to answer at first because clubs are not really the places to look for a girlfriend. You weren't sure if you are looking for a hook up or a girlfriend, so that's a problem right there. Girls can sense in a mile that a guy just wants anything, if anything to help him up his confidence. A clear intention is very important. The girl can also think, "if a guy is looking for a relationship, would he really go to a club?"
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (11 November 2013):
 It sounds like this might be more of a general problem for you, reflected this time in this one girl. Here is my suggestion...
If you are looking to hook up, then you did the right thing - casual texting, asking if she wants to "chill", etc. But if you're looking for a possible girlfriend, or at least a more serious date, then you should ask her out on a actual date. "Would you like to go out to dinner with me next Friday?". Because when you ask something vague, don't be surprised when you get a vague answer. How you approached her was fluffy, not assertive. That's the kind of stuff that gets you friendzoned. Fluff.
I get that you can be non-specific from the way you pose your question: "How long would you generally leave it before talking to a girl before asking to meet up kind of thing"
"Asking to meet up kind of thing"?? Does that mean hook up, or does that mean date? It sounds like you lack confidence. Be definitive! It will help you out of the friendzone. And your pessimism is just a reflection of that lack of confidence.
And just remember - being assertive doesn't mean that you have to be a jerk. There are plenty of nice guys, thoughtful, funny, sweet guys, who are also good at saying what they mean and being a little more definite.
Good luck, sweet!
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