A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know where to go. My husband and I were raised in very conservative religious homes and had no sexual experience prior to marriage (at 18 and 19). He has an ongoing problem with premature ejaculation (I think his record is 10 seconds) and he refuses to deal with it. After 5 years I finally got him to talk to a doctor. He got antidepressants that are supposed to help, but half the time he forgets to take them. So infuriating. He also complains that I am too aggressive in bed. He is literally only happy with once a week missionary and if I am the least bit assertive or involved at all he gets pouty. Recently he accused me of painfully pinning him down and continuing activities in spite of his protests. He says I was too drunk to remember what I did. Right. Two glasses of wine wouldn't make a squirrel drunk. We had a fun, relaxing evening together and we both drank and I definitely remember exactly what went down. I can buy that he experienced some loss of control at a certain point and that he didn't enjoy it, but he didn't use the code word or resist and I had no idea he was upset at the time. The said activities lasted about 5 seconds. More importantly, though, I actually have been sexually assaulted and I don't appreciate him accusing me of perpetrating an act of violence like that. I understand what a betrayal like that would do to our relationship. Clearly, he has no idea. When I took the allegation seriously and responded as though he was truthfully confronting me about abuse in our relationship he backed down quickly and was obviously uncomfortable with the way the situation was unfolding. He probably didn't intend to paint such a disturbing picture of the situation, and would rephrase the allegation if I gave him the chance now. The thing is, I'm 6 years into this now and I'm sick of second, third, fourth chances. I don't have the emotional capital to keep on forgiving and forgetting. I want a partner who is my equal. I want to HAVE a sex life. I want to explore and have fun and not have to worry that my partner is going to flip out and suggest that I'm abusing them. I really, honestly, have no idea what his problem is with me. I have short fingernails, I'm not into hair pulling nor spanking nor anything painful. I'm not loud nor demanding, so what's the issue? And why am I the one on trial? I've been married to this guy for 6 years and he has no clue how to bring me pleasure and apparently has no interest in learning. He won't even take his pilsl every day, not that it seems to have helped at all. I don't want to disrupt my children's lives or upset our long-term goals for our family, but this guy is not working out for me and I am fed up. Do I have any options, other than succumbing to porn addiction and loneliness?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): I can only sympathize with you. I have a similar problem. She just not interested in sex. On the rare occasions we have sex there is no pleasure. She is just does not want to have sex, not even once a month. Years have gone by and there is no change in her. I try many many ways to keep her happy, but still not interested in sex.
She is infertile. So we do not have children.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 October 2012):
 Well you have several options
1. you learn to accept that this is the way it is... bring yourself to orgasm without him and then get what you can from him.
2. take a lover on the side (with permission of your spouse so you're not cheating)
3. take a lover on the side without permission (lying and cheating... not good)
4. end the marriage and find a satisfactory partner who is also a good lover.... (a risk)
I find that if you are unhappy enough with your sex life to look for options.. that perhaps there are other things wrong with the marriage as well.
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A
male
reader, justaguy71  +, writes (15 October 2012):
Its hard to get the message to him, guys are dumb, like me, wouldnt listen to my wife and now she is leaving. We just don't listen and think you won't leave! Its such a tough question....I always pleasured my wife and could count on one hand the amount of times when I came and she didnt in the whole 15 years we have known each other, but over the last year or so the sex dried up, insecurities from me starting popping up as I cant even get a job but managed to buy our house etc. from being in the web boom of the early 2000's. It shoudnt matter if he has PE as I believe the man should pleasure the woman even after he cums if she hasn't as its not fair for the girl.Anti depressants for premature ejaculation? Its hard for a guy to face this as its such a downer and confidence killer. Maybe you could get him to a marriage counselor? Or try to tell him how it really is and how you want to have sex in your life? He would have low confidence due to the PE, so not sure how to get him to cure it himself.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): Unfortunately this is the price you pay if you choose to wait for marriage before having sex.How are you supposed to know if you are compatible in bed? I would never marry someone without knowing that.Sounds like he has no plans nor reason to change, either accept this is how it is going to be or get a divorce.
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