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The man I am dating doesn't believe in kissing and affection

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 October 2017) 8 Answers - (Newest, 12 October 2017)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

I am seeing a guy who when I asked says he doesn’t do kissing and affection.

I was widowed 9 years ago and this is the first since.

I really like this guy but not sure about not kissing although the sex is great.

I told him I kind of fell like a prostitute

He was married and divorced 2 x

Help with good answers only.

Thanks

View related questions: divorce, kissing, prostitute

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (12 October 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntIf he makes you feel like a prostitute then he is not the man for you. If you want sex then great, but it sounds to me like you want more and he is not prepared to give you any more. If he doesn't show you affection or won't even kiss you then it seems he is simply not that interested.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (11 October 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntDo you want to live the rest of your life without kissing or affection from him? Are you happy never to share that level of intimacy again? If so, stay with him. If not, then you deserve more. Dump him before you become (ex)wife #3 on his list.

I have to ask, why do you think you don't deserve to be treated with affection? Regardless of what his other good qualities might be (and I have to assume he has SOME good qualities, otherwise why would you be with him?), if he makes you feel like a hooker he is not the right man for you. Dating is all about trying before buying. You have tried this one and now know his flaws. You now have to make a decision whether to buy (stay with him) or reject and find someone who treats you better.

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada + , writes (11 October 2017):

BrownWolf agony aunt

This should be your first warning sign...

"He was married and divorced 2 x"

Obviously he has not learned or have enough respect for women.

Do you really think it is normal for a man to treat you this way, just for good sex?

If all you want is the sex, then do not complain. If you want a loving relationship...then I think you know you are not in one right now.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2017):

Kissing is what really shows a connection. If he doesn't want to kiss you, there is no connection.

This man seems to be using you to meet his sexual needs. He has no desire to be emotionally close to you.

Clearly he is incapable of true intimacy as evidenced from the previous two women who tossed him to the curb.

I would find myself another guy. You are just going to grow more and more resentful of him and all his baggage.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 October 2017):

Honeypie agony auntIf kissing and affection is part of YOUR needs (and it sounds that way to me) then this guy is NOT the right man for you.

This is who he is. He doesn't like/enjoy kissing and he doesn't like showing affection (maybe because he doesn't feel it deep down?) but SEX now THAT he can get behind...

OP, he is not going to change because you WANT kisses and affection. It might even be the reason his 2 previous marriages didn't work out.

Don't settle for something that doesn't FEEL right to you. And don't settle for a guy who is LACKING in "departments" you desire.

You can talk to him and ASK him why, I just doubt his answer will help you.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (11 October 2017):

N91 agony auntWhat does help with good answers only mean?

People give whatever advice they see fit whether you like it or not, that's the whole point of this website.

And what options do you have? Either suck it up and deal with it, ask him why he's not affectionate or if it's that much of an issue then break up and find someone who fulfills your needs.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (11 October 2017):

Denizen agony auntHelp with good answers only? Really? If I were you I would want to know why he won't kiss. You need good answers from him don't you. Without understanding you cannot move past the block.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (11 October 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntOP, you need to ask him what he wants from this. By the sounds of it, he just wants sex and companionship, not a full relationship.

If he doesn't want kissing and affection, you're not compatible. You need to ask him.

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