A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am very happy in my relationship. My partner and I enjoy our time together and have regular sex. But the problem is, it's always hard, fast sex, if you know what I mean! It's good and he drives me wild but sometimes I just want to 'make love' as cheesy as it sounds, like slow, sensual and steamy rather than going at it like we're in a porno. I understand, guys are a lot more responsive to physical stimulation during sex. And I have tried taking control and 'make love' when I'm on top but he just grabs my hips and tries to make me go faster and harder. I don't know if I should bring this up with him as I don't want it to feel forced or for him not to enjoy it, but is there any way of bringing him round to my way of thinking without asking him upfront?
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 You can't be subtle, you need to just talk. Do you think what he's doing by grabbing your hips is subtle? No. So don't respond subtly. Just tell him you want to take charge of the rhythm/it's your turn!
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (30 May 2012):
 Excellent advice all around!
If talking doesn't work (which may suggest bigger issues), then go for Plan B: Tie him up with a scarf or a tie so that he can't move. Then you'll be free to move as slowly as you'd like without him grabbing you!
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A
female
reader, Candycane1234 +, writes (30 May 2012):
 Awww each to their own I have the oposite. I like it faster and harder than he does it but it hurts his hips (he's 36)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 May 2012):
 I agree with Tisha... Take control, set the pace.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 May 2012):
 What's wrong with bringing this up upfront ? Sex thrives on good communication, and some people are not very good at catching " hints ".
I don't think there is anything bitchy, demanding or diminishing for him, if you tell him exactly what you told us :" Sex with you is good and drives me wild, but some times I'd love that it were slow, sensual and steamy " .
After all, sex is a COUPLE endeavour, you are having sex for your satisfaction too, not just for his , so your preferences count too, and I am sure that , if he is a good boyfriend, he'd be the first to agree about that.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 May 2012):
 Just stop him the next time he grabs your hips, and say, 'oh, no, dear, it's MY turn to set the pace. I want to go more slowly right now. We have all the time in the world, so let's take it nice and SLOWLY....." smile brilliantly, give him some luscious looks and say as seductively as you can, "I like it SLOW and DELICIOUS sometimes."
You are perfectly entitled to express your desires and your wishes. It sounds like the fast and hard is becoming forced for you and you don't enjoy it all the time.
He may not be a subtle kind of guy. Is he a good listener? Does he pay attention to quiet cues from you? No? Then you should definitely be upfront. I think he'd appreciate the honesty, and it'll be better for your sex life and relationship in the long term if you learn how to communicate now. It may be uncomfortable to start but think of the benefits.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2012): It's not cheesy at all, my girlfriend is the same as your bf she always wants it hard and sometimes you just want to have a nice 'slow comfortable screw' as the cocktail suggests. the best thing to do as i did is just to talk to him about it and tell him that once in a while you just want to take it slow. Communication is the foundation of a good relationship after all... Good luck.
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