A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi AllI really need some advice about a married man i have been seeing for years,we are now both in our sixties.I have tried dozens of times to end the relationship but he doesn't want me to and i am truly in love with him,he tells me he loves me and in his way i think he does,he is very good to me and never a day goes by when he doesn't text and call me.I am going through horrible lonely feelings,because we can never do anything together.Last night i didn't reply to his text or the one he sent me this morning or his phone call he left a message on my voice mail telling me he has been worried sick all night and had not slept thinking something terrible must have happened to me,and how he could not just leave home in the middle of the night to come and see if i was ok and would i please get in contact with him?I sent a text and he then called me and asked why did i do such a cruel thing to him by letting him think something was amiss.He then called around and i told him i thought it would be best if i just quitely slipped out of his life,not because i didn't love him still but because the situation was getting to hard for me to take anymore.He said if i really loved him i wouldn't have done such a cruel thing by ignoring him.He says he doesn't want to lose me and he loves me,i don't know what i should do stay or go,either way it will still break my heart we have been together so long,but i wonder sometimes if i'm just a convience for him and if he really understands how i'm feeling although he has said he feels he is being selfish and we should wind this up and i would be better off finding a man who can give me everything he can't,but then he says he does't want that to happen I'm so confused with it all some advice please,no judgements please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2012): This man know exactly what to say to you ""I layed awake in my wife's arms all night thinking if any thing happen to you"" If he loved you that much he would have made up a darn good excuse to leave the house. He said he couldn't leave the house and that is because he loves his wife and he wasn't about to jeopardizes his wife for someone he use for a booty called
I think you need to get it together because you messed around with another woman's husband for years, seems like somewhere down the road you should have felt guilty for dating another womam's husband.
Sounds like he couldn't take you places because he wasn't going to let anyone see him out with you so he just come by your house with a Bar-B-Que dinner or a pizza and lay up to a certain time then get up and go home to his family and leave you all alone.
But these are the traps we fall into when cheating or doing someone wrong and you did his wife wrong.
If you were a married woman, how would you feel if you found out some other waman was dating your husband for years?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): This is the best advice anybody could give. If you want to continue to live you're life in misery SHARING a man then be our guest. If you want to be free, LEAVE! It is that simple. Nobody said it would be easy, but the choice is that simple. I'm not going to go in the why what when where or how, this is your choice. I personally don't see why you're so confused, his actions have been telling you for years, again you're CHOOSING to stay. Why I don't know. If you want happiness you already know what to do. Your life you're choice. Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 December 2012):
 I can tell you this, it is HARD not to judge, but I will try to not go overboard but give you my genuine opinion and thoughts.
1. This relationship have been going on for years you say, yet he is STILL with his wife. So obviously he has NO intentions of leaving her for you. So where does that leave you? No where. He is JUST fine with having a wife and a woman on the side. Does that seem like LOVE to you? That you are put second or third (or even lower) in his life?
Saying he LOVES you and actually loving you are two very different things. Saying he loves you doesn't "cost" him anything and it makes you stick around - so clearly that works for him. He says you should be off wit ha better man, and quite frankly - he is right - and YES he is SELFISH because he is "preventing" you from finding someone JUST for you. Someone who WILL love YOU and ONLY you. However, he doesn't care. This is not about you, it's about him. HIS needs.
But he isn't doing this to YOU - YOU are doing this to you. By staying in this "relationship".
Lets say he left his wife for you. HOW long do you think it would take for him to find another woman on the side? I'm betting he won't magically become faithful to you.
What are you really getting out of this? Don't you ever question his and your own morals? Can't you see that this is so wrong on so many levels?
I know good men are hard to find, but that is not really a good excuse to stay in a relationship like this.
HE has all the power, all the control. If he said, I can't see you anymore - that would be it. But he is NOT letting you do the same.
I would tell him it's over and then cut the contact 100%.
Heck, I might even find a therapist and figure out why you are doing this to yourself. Why you think you don't deserve more and better for yourself. Why you are "settling" for being the "second" best choice.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 December 2012):
 My aunt had an affair with a married man for 25 years. He died in his wife's arms and my aunt could not go to the funeral or mourn the loss of her lover in public at all.
she was always second best. always a dirty secret.
He is selfish.
If he truly loved you he would have left his wife for you.
what he truly loves is himself.
I think that for you and your peace of mind you should go NO CONTACT with this man. Let him suffer like he has made you suffer all these years...
once you heal, put yourself out there and meet someone new and exciting. And do not limit yourself to men in your age range... consider slightly younger men.... that way you have a larger pool to pick from.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (14 December 2012):
 Hi
As you say you have experienced 'horrible lonely feelings because you can never do things together'. Thats the price YOU pay for this *relationship* he has his wife and his other life with her.
Don't waste any more of your time on him, just tell him quite simply that it is over and to stop communicating with you. Then ignore him.Don't let him persuade you to stick with him because he is the only one who benefits,you don't and his wife doesn't.
You will always be sitting there feeling lonely otherwise and you don't have to be.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 December 2012):
To be honest, it seems to me that this man just enjoys controlling you and blackmailing you. Maybe he does have feelings for you. But, in truth, he would have left his wife years ago if he really felt that way, not just strung you along all this time.
I do think the best thing you can do is end it and move on. It seems entirely pointless to me for you to spend the rest of your life just being this married man's convenience. He just calls on you when he wants, then pushes you away when he wants, and it's not good enough at all.
You really do need to let this man go and find someone more worthy of your love.
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