A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend was madly in love with his last girlfriend. I heard all about her in the beginning when we started to date. It seems she broke it off with him and he was having a hard time adjusting to that fact, telling me he didn't know if he would ever get over her. He told me she couldn't have children.I snooped (I know I shouldn't have, so no finger wagging please) and found cards from her to him. Like Ta-Dah, Dah, Dah written on one card. Then him telling her she is the love of his life.So my boyfriend basically is saying the same things to me. Like in the bedroom he goes Ta-Dah, Dah, Dah when he comes in. He told me I am the love of his life. I wasn't able to have children either. Then he said he wished he could have had children with me. This tugged at my heart "at first", but then I thought, what if he told this other girl the same thing! Then I thought what else has he been saying to me that he used the same lines with her and now on me.I've caught him in lies too about his past with other ex-girlfriends that have come to light. He tells me one story and I hear from someone else on the side that was not the case in our circle of friends or from a family relative. They have the true story and my boyfriend was telling me a tall tale. I don't even ask him anymore about his past because he is so elusive. Is that normal for a guy not to be upfront about past ex-girlfriends and tell lies about his relationship with them. Same goes for his ex-wife. He said she was going to be a lawyer and then I found out it wasn't true at all, that she never pursued a degree in law.The same applies to his work schedule. Eventually, I found out he did come home at a certain time and he lies to me about when he did get home or about things happening at his work like if I ask him about a co-worker to see if he had been in contact with one that retired and he says no, but then I find out yes, he has had contact with her and she came to visit the company with a group. He knew all along when I had asked about her.It's things like that, that are making me question his truthfulness.I've stopped asking about stuff because I don't know what to believe anymore because I don't know if I am getting a straight answer from him.When I have questioned him about his answers (when I find out the truth--he doesn't know I know the truth), he gets very defensive, because I am backing him into a corner.So, do I have a guy who is a chronic liar and is not original and feeds me lines just to keep me with him?
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co-worker, ex girlfriend, ex-wife, his ex, liar Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 October 2014):
 yes.
yes you have a guy who is a liar.
no you will never trust him or belive him
yes he is trying to keep yo with him.
no you do not have to stay with him.
A
female
reader, Izzy2  +, writes (7 October 2014):
I agree with the other answers. The lies are a red flag. As the relationship goes on for longer, it is going to be harder to tell what is the truth and what is a lie. It is probably easiest to get out sooner rather than later.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 October 2014):
 Your "boyfriend" sounds like an actor who has played his part repeatedly, in many different theaters. Do you want to be his NEXT "leading lady".... so that you can find out that he is really just playing????? Give him up now, before you extend your heart to him.....
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (6 October 2014):
Good heavens! I can’t believe you didn’t see the glaring red flags right from the beginning. He spent so much time talking about his ex and how he might never get over her when he was supposed to be dating you? Then he lurches from suddenly being smitten with her, to these deep feelings for you? Never mind the lies, his unhealthy attachment and dependency patterns are problematic enough. Maybe he did have a road to Damascus conversion and realise you were the one, or maybe it was a rebound. Whatever the case, I doubt he’s over his ex, I don’t think his approach to relationships is healthy, and if you’ve already found out he lies to you on a regular basis, what more will it take for you to see you’re probably better off going in the opposite direction and walking away, however hard that is?
I wish you all the very best.
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