A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:One of my best friends in the world and I have been sleeping together for a few years now and i am in love with him. He says i am his dream girl and wants to be with me but because of other circumstances (neither one of us drive, he has no job etc..) it isnt something we can pursue at the moment. He has a girlfriend of almost 2 years but is still meeting with me occasionally to hang out and cuddle and have sex. We talk online and text and phone constantly and he asked me back in august to not sleep with anyone but him but its been over 4 months now since i have seen him. I have been faithful to him but im wondering if im just being stupid in believing we will eventually get together. We are great friends and he says i mean everything to him but i also found out that he had been flirting with another girl online that he met up with although he said they never had sex but she did move to this state as well and he does still talk to her. Is it possible we are confusing love and lust? I dont want to lose his friendship ever, but im not sure if i can wait forever to actually take that next step with him. Should i wait? What is he thinking? If he really wanted to be with just me wouldnt he find a way to make it happen even with the circumstances working against us?We are both young (hes 23 and im almost 23) so im not sure what he might be thinking. Would a guy who is truly in love date someone else for convenience only? Should i believe him when he says he loves me? It is a fairytale like romance when we are together, but its been 4 months now. Shouldnt he have made an effort to see me before now if he really wanted to make this work?
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male
reader, ChickenLee  +, writes (27 December 2009):
Are you mad? (not to sound rude), but he is playin with your mind for sex!, Don't Let This Happen!
Also another thing..
That could cause relationship problems for the other person so why do it? (Common Answer "i was horny"). . .
There are many ways to make yourself feel plesured, masturbation is even known to be better than Sexual Intercourse, According to US and UK scientific research, Masturbation can last longer and stop the likely chances of you getting prostate cancer!
I hope all matters are resolved.
Yours Truely,
Lee Chicken.
:-)
A
female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (26 December 2009):
 Okay this is going to come out very rude, and I do apologize, but are you crazy??? Is it not obvious he is playing you for sex, while practically living off his girlfriend that he's been with for TWO years. Do you not think its wrong to be sleeping with someone that has a girlfriend, let alone do you care about how much it would hurt her if she knew? Some guys are pigs and will say anything to sleep with different girls because its new and exciting, but eventually they all get old. I know you maybe upset about him talking with this new girl, however you need to remember that you have just done the same thing to his live-in gf except worse because you've slept with him. You need to stop, quit him, and dump his ass. Brutal yet true. Cheating is wrong either way, especialy since you know he is with someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): Cut off all contact with him. He's getting his cake and eating it, too, and you're just letting him! Why should you have to be faithful to him when he's not being faithful to you? He's not going to leave his girlfriend for you; if that was true he already would have. Dump him, and that will free you up to find someone who really cares about you and will treat you right.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (26 December 2009):
 It just comes with experience. In reality you are realizing that the addage about "if they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you" if more true than most people realize.
The only thing that I can come up with is that he feels the excitement of stringing you along and the feeling he can always come to you for sex if need be.
Lucky is very correct about the Friends part of it. Being friends with exes or FWBs in a long term fashion rarely pan out. I know this guiy means something to you but he is showing by his actions that you mean much less. And a one sided relationship is the worst type to be in...
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): A guy truly in love would NOT date someone else for convenience. He's just into sex and using women and have absolutely no respect for them, neither you or these other women.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009):
"He has a girlfriend of almost 2 years but is still meeting with me occasionally to hang out and cuddle and have sex"
So let me get this straight. He loves you. But can't be with you because of whatever. BUT e clearly can be with this other woman? AND cheat on her? Do I need to say more? He's taking you for a ride.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (26 December 2009):
 The previous answers may seem a bit harsh to you, but they are right on! Why do we get into situations like this and then react like victims! I'm not judging you! I have done similar things in my lifetime...
We are magical thinkers...believe our fantasies! Well...let me tell ya....Stop it! That's all it is is fantasy!
As G.R. said...find yourself someone who will love you and only you!!!! I did! And I have never felt so good about myself in my life!
Good luck!
xxBGxx
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A
female
reader, Sweetheart =) +, writes (26 December 2009):
 He is a PLAYER.. now u have to think... do you want to be played? if so i am sorry but i think you need some help... no one likes getting played and i really suggest you find a MAN not a loser that hurts women for fun.. he seems like a jerk and i think you shouldnt have gone with his plan of sleeping around because HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!! did you think about the fact that is CHEATING... its not right.... and if you guys end up dating how would you know he wont cheat on you??
BEST OF LUCKS.... I REALLY HOPE YOU MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGrimm-- we were fooling around before he started dating the current girlfriend. we both decided we would do the friends with benefits thing because of distance between our towns and the lack of money to be closer. he makes every effort to text me as soon as he wakes up and throughout the day, we exchange pictures all the time and he is always telling me how he loves me and wants to be with me. I thought he did mean it but if he could have a girl online at the same time AND the girlfriend also, you must be right though he has cooled it with the online girl.
It just hurts because he says i am his everything and the sex between us is incredible! He was supposed to come see me today but his ride fell through so its not happening. I know im being an idiot because obviously if he could cheat on her with me, he might find someone to cheat on me with if we did eventually get together.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (26 December 2009):
He dosent want to make this work, you were a piece of tail, nothing more, nothing less.
I hope you realize that he will most likely never leave his GF of he can have this cozy setup he has with you. That's a dream situation for him. He keeps his GF for his upstanding reputation while he bangs you on the side and demands you dont see anyone else.
The term "Everyone is somebody's fool" certainly applies here.
Why should he make any effort to see you? He has you right where he wants you!
Please Please Please think about your own dignity, because this guy is playing you and his GF two total suckers, and you are stepping right up to the plate
I suggest you stop this, because you really are damaging the GF needlessly by your actions as well. You went along with it, so you have half the blame. You certainly can't be that dense to think he will break up with his GF now!
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (26 December 2009):
 You are just a friend with benefits, nothing more and nothing less. If you have any self-respect, end it now. Forget trying to be his friend and find a man who will make you his one and only number one.
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