| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Is this too "good" to be true? I feel like something's wrong with it!Either my bf is a liar or seriously commited. The other day we were talking about sex and stuff. I asked him if he ever wanted to go to a strip club. He said he didn't, that it was a waste of money, but he did enjoy naked girls. But then the topic came up about masturbation... I asked him if he'd masturbate to them. And he said he only ever masturbates fantasizing about me, or looking at the dirty pics he asked me to take (and the ones he took of me once). He said he hardly ever masturbates to porn and when he does he likes to think that it's us in the video!I wasn't even angry when I asked about the strippers. I mean, it's not like he lied to avoid a fight. He probably did, but he talked a lot about how he masturbates, at what times and thinking of me, when we've done this and that... It was actually kind of weird, flattering, sure, but isn't this a bit unhealthy? I know most men fantasize about other women when they masturbate, maybe not all the time, but that's why it's called "solo time", and "fantasizing". I'm not a fantasy, I'm reality. He also said that he doesn't like mainstream porn because it's too "fake" that he enjoys amateur better, but that he rarely watches since he has my pics. He mostly watches to get new ideas.What? I'm worried. What if he masturbates too much to me that he'll eventually become bored with me? Shouldn't he be having a bit of variety as to not become bored with me? Anyway our sex life is good, and maybe that's why this is making me afraid, because I feel it's too good to be true and that if he's telling the truth then it sounds a bit unhealthy to me. He does reckon other girls are attractive, he's very honest about that, but he told me several times that he only ever thinks about me when he masturbates. Will this, if true, eventually spoil our sex life? Up until now, it only gets better... seems like he gets hornier and hornier with me (NO COMPLAINS ABOUT THAT! *grin*). But will this eventually become boring to him? Should I encourage him to fantasize about other girls? (Buy him a nudie mag, download some girl on girl porn for him, etc...). Should I just relax and enjoy? Is there anything to worry about? Thanks.Oh, btw, not sure if this has something to do with it, but I have to try and keep quiet about my celebrity crushes and the like, because he seems to get a bit insecure... he says he wouldn't like me going to a male stripper show (he's lucky that I don't because they gross me out). But if some guy's dick were to appear in a movie or something, he covers my eyes. Well, I'm not much of a looker and I do masturbate to him. But then again I'm a girl.
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crush, insecure, liar, money, porn, sex life, stripper Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (21 June 2008):
 Hi there,
personally I can never see what the fascination is about watching a heroin addict take her clothes off. I went to a strip club once and it was awful, I just felt so sorry for the girls up there moving about while these creeps lusted over them...it was the least erotic thing I have ever experienced. Never again.
Your partner just sounds very reserved , so as long as your sex life is going well then there is nothing to worry about, and I doubt very much he will grow bored with you.
It all sounds good to me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): LOL.... Sorry but this is the first time I heard a woman complain that a man dosen't think of other women when using porn.... LOL..... Different strokes for different folks, honey. Sounds like he's one of those rare men who has a limited interest in porn and prefers the reality of the woman by his side. Stop worrying and enjoy.......
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): Strip clubs never did anything for me. I don't hate them or anything but those girls aren't really my type.
My type of girl probably wouldn't ever want to work there. And if she doesn't like it but she has to do it for money or something, that's still kind of a turnoff too. It's no fun if she doesn't like doing it.
I do watch porno sometimes but I have the same problem with porn stars. I don't think they're bad people but they are mostly the wrong type for me to fantasize about.
Different strokes for different folks.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (21 June 2008):
 There is no pleasing you women is there?
Tell me, have you ever heard of an inferiority complex or did you feel you did no deserve one?
"Well, I'm not much of a looker and I do masturbate to him. But then again I'm a girl."
Beauty is in the eye of a beholder and a girl that loves you and is so horny over you gains a lot of bonus points. Is he that hot or does the fact that you love him so much make you masturbate thinking about him?
Not all men are into porn despite what some women might claim. Don't generalize, remember, you are an exception yourself by admitting using him as a sexual fantasy.
Now, what might happen in a long-term relationship is that things go stale because people forget that you got to keep working at love. Just remember each day that love is something that needs re-inforcement even if today is laundry day and you really can't be bothered.
Don't let your relationship become a routine but also don't make trouble where there isn't any. Accept his affection but don't become used to it.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (21 June 2008):
When you are truely in love with someone then they are the one person on your mind. Why would you want to think about anyone else?
He obviously loves you and I think that is the real reason you are freaking out - you can tell he loves you more than you love him.
I think you need to have a think about what you want with this guy in the long term. If you don't want him then there are millions of other girls who would love to be loved by your guy in the way he loves you.
Stop stressing about what is going on in his head and either enjoy the ride while it lasts or start thinking about what is going on in your own head.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Tremor +, writes (21 June 2008):
 You're worried about your guy because he thinks you're dead sexy and doesn't look at porn? I don't think you have much to worry about! I see so many women complaining about their boyfriends looking at porn too much or ogling other women - looks like you're one of the lucky ones. =)
It seems like he's fairly besotted, I wouldn't fret about him getting bored with you. Perhaps think of it the other way around - would you ever get bored fantasizing about him or looking at his sexy pictures? I think boredom tends to come from the same routine rather than the same person - if you change it up a lot you really haven't got a lot to worry about.
Enjoy having a man who's mad about you, and enjoy the attention. =)
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