A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear all, I decided to write a more complete story so that you all can have a better understanding.I am in a serious relationship for a year now. 3 years ago in 2009 I broke up with my ex and was very depressed. During that time I even had to see a councillor. And he advised me on what I should have in mind for my next bf. that year, I met this amazing guy friend whom we clicked off well and after some time he confessed to me. But I didnt accept him till a year ago. He is now my current bf.My previous bf was a guy who needed a lot of girl attetntion, always reminding me how many girls like him and things went wrong went I realsed he was secretly messaging him juniors (he would cover his phone when I looked at his phone and I wasnt concerned until after a while with him). And Esp when he told me tt one of them was the prettiest in his cca. I started having trust issues. I felt very unhappy with myself and would worry when he message. Then we brokeup.Now that I am with my current, I have let him know about what I want in a relationship after learning from the previous. And all is good. I never worried. I feel secure. During the period I broke with my ex and was single, I started gaining confidence as well. But awhile ago, the girl he used to have a crush on started attending all the clique's gathering( they were from the same clique but she never attend most of the outings) and would ask him for a meal alone or watch her performances. From what he says in the past, she is the type that would make use of my bf. it didnt help that my bf told me in the past (we are alr together then) that she was prettier than me. and she was in the school pagaent. Before my bf and I were together, he mentioned that he find he girl he likes the prettiest in his eyes. as such, I was really sad and heartbroken. I am affected by this. Her attending the outings made it worse. and my bf would occasionally message his friends which include her to ask about their lives. I feel very uncomfortable. It makes me want to end everything so I have nothing to worry about. and all this has resulted in my low self eestem. I feel that my appearance is normal, i dont feel attractive.what should I do? My bf says he dont really contact her but i feel so uncomfortable when he message her and i really dislike it when she ask for a meal alone and he agrees. MY bf assures that they are just friends and says that I dont trust him. I do, but all this is too much to take.. What should he do? should he stop meeting her alone and not text her?She would ask him out for meals when he comes to school to look for me. And when he needs to pass stuff with her, he would let her know and she would ask if he wants to meet for lunch. And he agrees. He mentions that normally he don’t let her know that he is in school (yes, irritatingly we are in the same school and she in the same faculty as me). My bf in not studying there. So my bf’s point is that he don’t normally inform her he is in school and him meeting her for lunch is just because he is in school to look for me, not a deliberate action on its own. And he mentioned that he don’t want to eat alone( he can. Just that he would prefer people eating with him).Also, when I was really sad about him saying she is prettier, he started to change his mindset. He told me that now I am the prettiest in his eyes. But I don’t really believe as I felt that it was himself subconsciously trying to feel that way. I don’t feel good. Because for me, the one I love would always look the best. And not after some issues that changed your thinking. Am I wrong to feel this way? I know there are people who can accept their partner saying other girls are pretty.Is it wrong of me to not want my bf to not text his ex crush and meet her alone? When he say they are just friends? I am so confused. And they are from the same friends group, while I am not. And he told me I have his heart.And my current bf assures that the girl wont like him and he has no feelings for her. Does that mean when two people are alone it’s a date? My bf says that during the meal its just normal talking and that after the meal they would say bye alr.I asked him if he would feel anything if I had a meal with my EX, and he says he is entirely okay with that, provided that I know my own feelings. Because he trust me. So I can never use that to ask him back. Or if I ask other questions, he would say its different because my ex is someone whom I had a relationship with, whom I held hands etc. but for his crush its just a crush, nothing physical. And I would be loss for words.. AM I supposed to feel okay because its just a crush?My bf used to like her even though she had a bf. My bf was the type that would stay silently with that girl, listening to her, not wanting anything in return.In addition, that time my bf, that girl and another female friend went to the beach together. 2 girls, 1 guy. And there were quite some pics of him and her alone. And the worst thing is, she was wearing a bikini with a white tank top and she went into the water. Can anyone uds how I would feel? After being in water the white top looks translucent and one can only see the bikini inside. I was horrified, thinking that the girl is TOO MUCH. But I asked my cousin K and K mentions that why should she care what she is wearing. What is that girl trying to do? I believe that she is using my bf, to watch her performances and stuff but now my bf don’t see it. He know that in the past she use him but he don’t think so now.I wont say my bf is a jerk. He saves up for me to bring to high class restaurants, looking at forums to bring me to nice places and takes note of what I say. He even checks my timetable to surprise me outside the lecture theatre.
View related questions:
broke up, confidence, cousin, crush, depressed, heartbroken, his ex, my ex, period, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LincolnProblemo  +, writes (24 February 2012):
Your boyfriend sounds like a nice guy. There is a reason he didn't choose to chase her around, because he knew he wouldn't be happy with her. He trusts you to understand and doesn't hide her away from you.Okay, he might find her attractive, but at the end of the day, he said that he knows what she is like. Just a flirt with no future. Everybody likes a little bit of attention from somebody just to remind them how much they value their real relationship.Meeting you outside the lecture theatre when you are not even aware just means that he misses you a lot. However, don't meet up with your ex, that gives out mixed signals, and might actually achieve an opposite effect.I have similar girl alongside my relationship, and every time I meet her I am happy that I am not her boyfriend, because she is impossible to deal with.I am not sure if there is a way to just get rid of her, but asking your boyfriend nicely that it worries you a lot will most likely pay off. Just don't get mad at him and accuse him of something, because it sounds like that girl is nobody to your relationship in his eyes and it will just sound that you don't trust him.
|
