A
male
age
41-50,
*hronczar
writes:I have no one to ask this question to but this website.I am in a relationship for the past year and we were dating for a few months prior to being in a relationship. Outside this relationship I have a child who is around 19 months old. I want to bring my child with me to my family cottage this summer for a vacation but the only problem is he is still somewhat needing to be breastfeeding fed at night so the only way he can go is if I bring his mother with us. My girlfriend now doesn't approve of me bringing the ex. She says it's wrong and not fair to her. She is suggesting I wait until extra summer when he is done breastfeeding feeding and then his mother doesn't have to go. My girlfriend trusts me. She says 100% I really wouldn't do anything physical with my son's mother. I just don't know what to do.. am I wrong to go if I have to bring my son's mother? Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (17 April 2016):
 I agree that this post is not about breastfeeding. However, that was the "excuse" you (OP) used to "have" to bring the ex-gf on vacation with you and your family.
As for the mom to choose to still breastfeed, it's fine. It's just not helping YOU be a fully involved dad or HER in "letting" you take a greater responsibility.
As for expressing milk, not all kids/baby or toddlers will take a bottle and if this is her first baby, she might not feel ready to wean the toddler, or able. I know my first child "REFUSED" to give it up and I (with the help of my husband) went on a 3 day trip without her (now, she was 18 months so DEFINITELY old enough to not need it.).
For some it becomes a routine to nurse the child to sleep. It can BE hard to wean both mom and child of that habit.
I think it's MUCH better the have him weaned and USED to sleep over at your house before doing vacations with him. So when HE is ready to do that, you can take him for vacations. I think honestly, it's kind of common sense.
Would you want your GF to bring her ex to places because he is the only one who can rock the baby to sleep? I bet not.
A
female
reader, allthatjazz +, writes (17 April 2016):
 OP, there's such a thing as expressed breast milk. If the baby-mom says she won't be able to store enough to last during your whole vacation, you can suggest that you both go to a paediatrician to seek advice. Your son is no longer an infant. He's a toddler. Whole milk at that age is safe. And he's eating solids, too! I can't say if this is a poor attempt by the baby-mom to hold you hostage, but there are means available to you to go around it and make a confirmation if your son is being leveraged.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 April 2016):
 You are right, this is not about breast feeding.
It's about miscommunication, or misrepresentation of facts.
Cultures are different but human phisiology is the same all over the world. Unless in exceptional cases , at 19 months babies do not have night meals. They do not ask it, and certainly they do not need it ( not good for glycemia, intestine and biorythms ).
Anyway- never mind. The point is that after your explanation ( your GF is not coming along ) your idea is even more preposterous than in the other version.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 April 2016):
 How STUPID are you going to be about this???? WE, know that your ex- had got you all tangled up in you undies!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 April 2016):
I think the idea is even WORSE if your current GF isn't going. Taking your ex on vacation as a "night nursemaid" is (I'm sorry) ridiculous.
I'd definitely wait that year for her to wean him, whether the current GF is going or not.
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (16 April 2016):
OP, have you considered the possibility that your ex is overstating the baby's reliance on her in order to manipulate situations such as this and make sure she continues to play a larger role in your life than she needs to at this stage?
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A
male
reader, chronczar +, writes (16 April 2016):
chronczar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry this post is not about breastfeeding. . Regardless of what i think his mother will do what she wants. She is Filipino. . I think breastfeeding for this amount of time is In her culture. . Not mine.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (16 April 2016):
This must be a troll.
Which infant- breast fed or bottle fed - needs night feedings at 19 months ?!
The most die hard sucklers will have 1 or 2 night feedings till 9 or 10 months, and maybe 1 up to 12 months- after that, they do not eat at night. They don't need it and they do not want it ! ( Which , alas, does not necessarily mean they will always sleep through the night- just that if they wake up, and wake you up,is not because of hunger ).
On the other hand, suppose that this child is for some reason a bit behind developmental schedule, ... do you think that he would happily consume only solid food during the day just to require ONE breast feeding at night ?!
That's absurd. A baby who still needs NIGHT feedings won't eat all solids at day time, he would still require 2 to 4 breast milk feedings. So, the problem would not be just for his night meals but for the daytime too.
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A
male
reader, chronczar +, writes (15 April 2016):
chronczar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry I wasn't clear my current gf is not coming with me. She is unable to go and has yet to meet my family... it would just be myself, my son and his mother and my family will be there as well.My son eats solids and drinks and everything. His mother just hasn't got him off the boob 100% yet.So far I have not had my son on an overnight and I always have to go there to visit.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 April 2016):
19 months and still breastfeeding? Not that it's VERY abnormal, but really, at 19 most toddlers are eating 100% solids. Not to criticize, just a statement of fact. ( I am ALL for breastfeeding and nursed all 3 of my kids a minimum of 12 months.)
But IF he is still breastfed it also means he has NEVER spend a night with you (without his mom)?
However IF your son isn't weaned of the boob, don't bring him. Wait that year. Going on a vacation with your partners EX GF and baby-momma because she is still nursing, seems like a REALLY bad idea.
If your GF and EX GF were getting along well, then MAYBE it could be an option, but as things stand? no, it would be a TOTAL a no-go for me.
That gives YOU, your GF and your EX a whole year in working out how your son can stay over at your place WITHOUT his mom. So he can get used to sleeping through the night, and being with YOU (his dad) for overnight stays.
In this case 3 adults IS a crowd. If I were your GF I'd feel like the 3rd wheel and would NOT want to go on vacation with you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (15 April 2016):
 I know Canada is really big on breastfeeding. I myself weaned my son at age 3. There was a time when I had to be separated from my son when he's 2. It was hard for me. I really enjoyed breastfeeding. But still, I don't think your ex girlfriend should come.
If your son is 3 months old to 6 months old, I would say yeah, baby needs his mother but then he's too young to travel anyway. At age 19 months, breastfeeding has gone beyond necessity. It's just about holding on to the bond. I agree with your girlfriend that it's your vacation of your family and her, and not your ex too. It will be very awkward if your ex went there. It's nice of you to think of your son's needs. If your ex is okay about weaning him, before the vacation you can gradually let your son drink milk or formula.
Your girlfriend is being very reasonable. I am sure she has her own opinion on breastfeeding but she is letting you and your ex decide what's best for your son.
Either you wait a year or you don't bring your ex. If she feels it's wrong then it's wise to wait. The decision to extend breastfeeding is your ex's alone and should be respected. It's best if your girlfriend can be happy, and your ex can be happy.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 April 2016):
I suggest that YOU need boundaries. IF your son must breastfeed, that's all well-and-good... but NOT with your ex- by bringing ex- along on your vacation with your "current".....
By-the-by.... HOW are you and ex- handling custody, otherwise? If the little critter NEEDS breastfeeding, I'm guessing that you can't do "overnights" with your son... Is that so?
As to your current question....Wait until next year... or until son is on bottle (whichever comes first) before pressing this button...
Good luck...
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