A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi fellas.i need your advice once again.i had an abortion 4yrs ago (6weeks).even my then boyfriend didnt know i was pregnant(i missed my period,took pregnancy test then ran straight for abortion).i found an excuse for leaving my then bf.i gave myself time to heal,now i have my soulmate.we are a perfect match! Nobody knows of my 'secret' but a day doesnt go by without it crosing my mind.my question is should i disclose?or take my secret to my grave?how do i say it if i had to?am i not gonna ruin the best thing that i have now?please help me
View related questions:
abortion, period, pregnancy test, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): Do u see yourself with this man for the rest of your life? If yes you need to tell him. No secrets. Does he know that u had a married lover who u used for finances(money). I think you have a few secrets to reveal, if u continue to lie then u will be deemed dishonest and untrustworthy.
Even if you manage to keep your abortion a secret, people will know about your married lover, after all his wife was a friend/colleague. More stink to your story means that others know as well. So I am guessing the sooner you have a heart to heart with your man and if you say your relationship is strong, then no issues. I am concerned that you used your married man for his money. I can understand u being a struggling student but did you have to sell yourself like a common w*ore - sex for money? Just curious.
-LoveGirl
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): Nope, I wouldn't tell. It's okay to keep secrets to yourself. You're not obligated to tell or have an excuse. It was something you had to do, and it's in the past. Leave it there.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): nah... unless he noticed suspicious things
...............................
A
female
reader, happy24birthday  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 No, do not tell
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): Yes, tell him. Secrets always have a way of getting out eventually, and if he finds out much later, he will feel hurt and betrayed. You have such a good relationship, don't ruin it with secrets. If he really is a good guy, he will accept you. And if he is judgemental maybe he isn't someone you would want to be with anyway. My feeling is that he will most likely understand and you will feel better knowing this person fully knows you and accepts you.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 You should tell him. If you are a good couple you should be able to tell each other everything.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the honest answer.we havent spoken about mariege yet but we've been together for two years now.we see each other regularly ,spend nights at each other's houses and go to vacations together.we are each other' strength that we consult each other before making major decision.we have agreed to embrace a 'baby' if ever it comes,aniway we have good paying permanent jobs.
My reason for abortion was because it was an 'affair'.and i knew the dude's wife.i was stil struggling with finishing the college and my ex was my financial backup.i knew he wanted no baby in that relationship.i was financially not ready! I gues you are right.i need to wait for the right moment to break the silence.thanx again
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 Well this is a tough one, but I think most men would want to know if you had an abortion - but ONLY if you are serious and thinking about having kids together.
How long have you been with him? I ask this because if you are still in the early stages of your relationship then dont tell him just yet, give it some time so that you can tell if you both are really serious about this. But if you have been with him quite a long time then maybe you can think about telling him soon.
I would wait until you are actually having a conversation about the future - so if and when the topic of marriage anc children comes up, that is the right time to tell him. There is no point in blurting it out randomly, because that will just be a bit scary for him. But if you are actually talking about family, children etc then that would be ok.
And make sure you are prepared with what you are going to say - make sure you can explain exactly WHY you had the abortion and what made you do it. If your reasons are strong enough (like you were not financially able to provide for the child, your relationship with the father was bad...etc) then I am sure he wont judge you and you wont ruin a good thing. But if your reasons were purely selfish (like I just didnt want a baby at that time) then it is harder for some people to deal with, so have a good think back to that time and why you went ahead with it.
If you are both in love and are serious about the relationship then you should be ok, he should respect you for being honest and pleased that you can be open with him about difficult topics. It would be far worse if he ever found out about this and not from you - e.g. if you ever struggled to get pregnant again you would have to talk to your doctor about the abortion and your partner would find out that way.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): Your secret should remain your secret.
What do you hope to gain by telling your new bf about your abortion?
...............................
|
