A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:what would you do if you had a friend who married someone twice her age, got pregnant, had the baby, got married to the guy, got pregnant two months after the baby was born, and see that the guy has liked a page on his facebook called add me adult entertainment, and it has all kinds of women on it with ads that say find local cheaters...i have a big problem with this man, i heard him tell his mom that is wife, my friend, acts like a little girl, everything she sees she wants, he said i want i want i want and also that he only wanted one kid. it was after i heard this conversation that i saw this crap he liked on fb. i happen to know that he is a cheater cause thats how they got together. i have tried to tell her that if he would cheat on his first wife, he would cheat on her but she would not listen to me and i just want to be a good friend. would you tell her or just let it be....
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female
reader, KC12 +, writes (14 October 2013):
 I think it's awesome that you are willing to go out of your way be a good friend to her, and warn her about the (potential) cheating with this guy.
That being said you already had done your job (rightfully so) by pointing out that if he cheated on his ex with her, he'll do the same to her with someone else...
Now, comes the hard part. You have to just stand back and let her decide for herself--right or wrong--what she should do about her marriage.
Your job now is to stand by her, and be her friend no matter what she decides. Chances are you are very right about him, and one day she's going to need you to be there for her as she goes through something painful...
Just be that shoulder to cry on, and lend her all your help and support.
A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (5 October 2013):
I don't think you have enough proof to say he is cheating. You have told her that this relationship will not work before and she went ahead got married and had not one but two children with him.I had a conversation with my x friend regarding cheating once. She told me that she would never tell anyone or want anyone to tell her, her partner is cheating. Well a year later while she was away for a weekend her boyfriend had a pretty strawberry blonde leave his house early in the am. I didn't say anything do to our previous conversation of cheating. She called and asked me if I saw her. At this point I wasn't going to lie. I told her the truth. She was very upset and asked why I never told her.....anyway, that is why we are no longer friends!Just support her and be a friend. She is going to need you. I believe us "chicks" need to stick together. We need the love and support of our "sisters" to get us through!Good Luck Friend.....key word Friend!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2013): You've given your friend all the warning you need to. Don't cross the line, and become an intrusion on her marriage. You aren't telling her anything she doesn't know anyway.You don't have to like anything he says or does. He's her husband by her own choosing; and what he tells his mother is none of your business. You were eaves-dropping.We have a moral obligation as a friend to protect our friends to some degree. However; she went into this marriage in full knowledge of who this man is, and what he is capable of. Your persistent interference is going beyond being protective. It's bordering on meddlesome. You have no right to incite, provoke, or to instigate. She hasn't asked you to replace her mother. You shouldn't be forcing your personal judgement of her husband, on your friend.Friendship has limited responsibilities. We are not to cross-over certain boundaries without invitation.Being human, you also have to avoid letting envy motivate your imposition on her personal life. I'm sure you have one of your own that requires as much concern and attention.She is adult enough to handle the consequences of her own choices. Your concern and loyalty is commendable.Even her own mother, doesn't have the right to interfere in her marriage.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 October 2013):
Just because there are ads for cheaters doesn't mean he's cheating. He is probably looking at porn, but that's none of your business and he's obviously not hiding it from anyone, including her. Might I remind you that you too were looking at ads for cheaters (whether on purpose or not)...
Also, his conversation with his mom didn't seem to be a very big deal. His wife wants to buy too many things and he only wanted one kid... sounds like you just described 1/2 of the guys (and their wives) who I know. He was venting, people do that in even the healthiest relationships.
Was he a cheater? Yes, but your friend was a "homewrecker".
You don't like him, and that's fine, but you have no information that your friend either needs to hear or doesn't already know. So save your energy and be a good friend in ways that she'll actually appreciate.
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