A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello allI am writing because I do not know what to do about my relationship. I met a lovely girl, actually on a dating website (which was new to me). We have now been together for around 5 months.The relationship is for the most part a distance relationship, she lives 3 hours away at university and I live at home. My problem seems trivial and I have tried to ignore how I feel but I feel I may be being unfair to her. I don't have a lot of enthusiasm for our relationship. I don't know why. I should be so grateful for this lovely woman. She is very caring and sweet, and is very much like me in that she appreciates how hard I work (she works hard too on her studies). I spend most of my time working, I am an artist. Originally the distance thing didn't bother me what so ever, and it still doesn't. Because it gives me a lot of time to do my work and have my own space. I am worried though because, now she is home for Christmas, I am not that excited to meet her. I feel lazy and that I cannot be bothered. She is only a 30 minute train journey away whilst she is home for Christmas. Like I said she is a nice girl, she would do anything for me. And I would do anything for her but I am just so not bothered that I am thinking of making excuses not to see her. I know that is wrong which is why I am seeking advice on here. She does have a habit to get on my nerves, she is very sensitive and insecure and she has a worrying problem. She worries about everything. She is also really loud and bubbly, where as I am quite shy and reserved. I know these aren't big problems, no one is perfect - I am certainly not! Even though she has little annoyances, I know it's me who has the problem. I was like this with my last girlfriend. That one lasted 3 years but I eventually realised I was just bored (as horrible as it sounds). I really want to settle down with a nice girl, but in all the girlfriends I have had, I have never had a spark. Something that really compels me to them. I am 23, and no I am not gay!I don't want to keep going from woman to woman, I like being committed, but I can never seem to find the one that makes me want to see her, and think about her non-stop!Please please can someone advise? Shall I keep trying with this girl or should I move on?
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christmas, insecure, move on, shy, spark, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Summer05  +, writes (22 December 2009):
Hi! You are still very young and do not need to commit yourself to one girl. Obviously, if you feel like making excuses not to see her, there is something wrong with this picture and you do not feel for her as much as she does for you. I would suggest letting her know gently how you feel... yes, it will be probably hard for her, but in the long run it will be better than keeping her hopes up when you know she is not the girl for you. If you haven't felt the sparks with other girls, apparently you had not met the right girl yet, because there should be sparks and the feeling like you can't wait to be with her. It will happen, just give it time and concentrate on your personal growth, career and your art. Things will fall into place. Good luck to you!
A
female
reader, Summer05 +, writes (22 December 2009):
Hi! You are still very young and do not need to commit yourself to one girl. Obviously, if you feel like making excuses not to see her, there is something wrong with this picture and you do not feel for her as much as she does for you. I would suggest letting her know gently how you feel... yes, it will be probably hard for her, but in the long run it will be better than keeping her hopes up when you know she is not the girl for you. If you haven't felt the sparks with other girls, apparently you had not met the right girl yet, because there should be sparks and the feeling like you can't wait to be with her. It will happen, just give it time and concentrate on your personal growth, career and your art. Things will fall into place. Good luck to you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): if you cannot be bothered to get on a 30 min train 2 go see her then you could try sayin 2 her that u dont think that your relationship is working out that well but please can we stay friends instead. i am sure she will understand good luck whatever you decide to do.
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